We are going to make the last movie on Earth because no one will have the balls to make another.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[about his costume pants] Well, it's a bit snug in the undercarriage, to be honest. I might want to have babies one day.
Trev, what if I stab my arugula salad listlessly?
Never. You're very assertive with your fork.
You work on being more charming, and I find it helpful to use people's names. You know, ask them about themselves?
That kind of bullshit actually works?
Yeah, you'd be amazed.
How you feeling?
Worried.
Course you are. You wouldn't be you otherwise.
And you had a dream last night, that your mother was cooking a hedgehog for supper.
A hedgehog?
Yes, I think so. I'd like to see what that inspires.
[running] Did you see a gorilla around here?
BBusinessman
No.
Did you see a gorilla around here?
HHippie
No.
Did you see a gorilla around here?
GWGorgeous woman
[flirtatious tone] No.
Did you see a... [pauses and runs backwards]
OWOld woman
Gorilla?
Hey there hot mama, you wouldn't happen to be hiding a gorilla under them clothes, would you?
[gorgeous woman grabs Johnny by the arm and entangles him into a battered down victim with little effort]
Yeah. She wants me.
GGorilla
Your mamma's so big she wore high heels and struck oil...your face is so ugly it could make onions cry.
Wanna see me comb my hair, really fast?
JBJungle Boy
He didn't mean to hurt anyone. Did you, Mister Johnny?
Of course not, kid. I wouldn't hurt a fly.
FFly
It's a lie. It's a lie!
[seeing his clocks destroyed] NO! My clocks! The time...! The time!
What are you doing in my cave, son? Didn't you see the signs? It says "stay out".
No. It says, "Do not enter without--"
Shut up, kid. I know what it says. Do you have any idea who I am?
A bear in the woods.
Of course, I'm a bear in the woods! But I'm not just any bear. [dramatically] I am Chronos! Master of all time! [thunder and lightning cracks]
Good for you. Well, you know, I was just lookin' for my mama, and I should be...
[Chronos growls and snorts in Johnny's face.]
Man! You have smelled yourself?
You fool! Don't you understand what I'm telling you? I control all time! Here, I'll prove it to you! [presses several buttons on a device]
DDevice
At the town, the time will be exactly 8:35 and 3 seconds.
You're wrong! It's 8:36 and 12 seconds! [to Johnny] See? I'm Chronos! Master of all time! [thunder and lightning cracks] Do you know what my favorite magazine is?
Young Bride?
No. It's Time. Someday, I'm going to be on the cover.
Well, I'm happy for you and all, mister, but I gotta--
Where do you think you're going? You're in big trouble, kid. You woke me up early from my hibernation.
No, I didn't. You see that clock? It's midnight.
That's a VCR, kid! Not even I, Chronos, master of all time can set one of those... [sees Johnny running away] things.
[Johnny has been placed into a cooking pot by Chronos.]
What are you doing?
I'm afraid I'm going to have to eat you, kid.
Uh, you don't wanna eat me, bear. See, I'm too pretty to eat.
You don't understand, kid. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in six months. Ever tried that, son?
No.
Being master of all time, I must strictly adhere to my set schedule. Am I reaching you, kid?
No.
See this? This is my yearly calendar. Sleep and eat. Eat and sleep. Am I sleeping?
No.
Well then, guess who's coming to dinner.
VVelma
My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!
My glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!
Jinkies? Isn't that a breakfast cereal?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.