Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[On Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo Bear being basically thieves]
In the first episode someone could've just come in and shot them.
[Imitating Yogi Bear] Boo-Boo! It's getting dark! I'm loosing blood, Boo-Boo!
[Imitating Boo-Boo Bear] Don't go to sleep, Yogi! Don't go to sleep!
[Imitating Yogi Bear] I don't think I'm gonna make it, Boo-Boo! I can see a great big pic-a-nic basket in the sky, Boo-Boo!
[ Alan's buzzer goes “In, Out, In, Out, Shake It All About” Slade, Okey kokey ]
Very base level Kamasutra, there.
[“store scum” being an anagram of “customers”, audience claps enthusiastically]
[points towards audience] There's a few people out there work retail.
Seriously, there are all these people doing downward dogs...
I'm going to stop you right there.
[On the screens is an image of a hedgehog which has lost its spines, audience goes awwww]
[on the audience's reaction] Oh, you really got this one bad, haven't you? [goes: awww, awww] One spineless hedgehog and you lose it. Sums this country up, if you ask me.
What is the opposite of a plant eating sheep?
A sheep that grows plants.
See, just when I thought what I said was really clear…
You sound like a vegan who's really hungry.
The opposite of a plant eating sheep would be a…?
A sheep eating plant.
Yes!
Well done, Colin.
[triumphantly basks in the applause of the audience]
Colin, I said in the beginning the more you get wrong, the more points you get. I don't know if that's...
I've been on this show six or seven times and I still don't know what the rules are.
There is a penis for sale in London...
Sorry?
There is a very strange store in the East End in London. And the last man to be hanged in England, ah, they have his penis and it's for sale.
How much is it?
And was he hung?
We have all this nuclear waste stinking the place up instead of keeping it all underground why don't we do the opposite, fire it all at the sun and forget about it?
[exasperated] I only just started recycling.
If we fired it all at The Sun, wouldn't Rupert Murdock be upset?
Suddenly it seems like a good idea.
Phantom leg itch, yeah. What about if you got two legs and got, like, a phantom third leg?
That's what every boy thinks he's got.
Some of these “Bills of Mortality”, they just had cause of death “suddenly”.
Forced air? I never heard the term. I'm forty…??? late forties. I'm not gonna bother sitting here working it out. I'm fifty soon, I never heard the term forced...well, not in that context.
I love the fact, Rhod, that I'm asking you some quite complicated science question and you don't know how old you are.
[scribbles] I'm about forty nine.
Have you just worked it out?
Yeah. [laughter] I'm so used to saying “I'm fifty in a few years”, I'm so used to saying that, that for a moment...
[to Rhod Gilbert] The thing is though, it is quite good to know how old you are and the producer just told me in my ear that you are forty eight.
[Later]
What are we talking about?
Hidden. Underwater cables.
Oh, yeah.
You're forty eight!
[In relation to Ivy Bells ]
Spying was a lot more hassle in those days. Now all you need is somebody's maiden name and their pet's name and you're off.
If you're a Russian you just have to go and see Donald Trump and ask him.
I've been to the bottom of the sea.
Really? What's down there?
My feet.
Which part of the body was used to stop the Netherlands flooding in 1953?
Somebody put their finger in a dike!
[Forfeit klaxon: “Finger”]
No, we mentioned on QI before, the story of a Dutch boy sticking his finger in a dike is a myth. What other body-part might you stick into a hole to st…[general tittering]
The penis.
[Forfeit klaxon: “Penis”]
I sucked into that.
I can categorically tell you, no dyke needs a penis.
It's a wonderful thing, not thinking too much. Served me well most of my life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
