What an unusual serial killer that was. If only they had CSI Vienna.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
The ecological footprint is a measure of the amount of land needed to regenerate consumed resources and deal with the resultant waste, and current figures calculated by the United Nations are that we are using up 1.4 times more than the planet can restore.
The thing is… we evolved from this planet, we are of this planet, we live on this planet, so… can't we do what we like?
Yep… absolutely.
I mean we are victims of our own evolution; I just happened to have come in at this point and now I have to turn the lights out and can't see where I'm going when I go to bed.
It has never been illegal to own a slave in England until April 2010. [To Alan] I'm saying I could have had you, as a slave, legally.
You mean, this series, I'm finally free?
[To David Mitchell] Once again, your relentless, urgent, slightly worried logic is making this nonsense.
[On hypochondria]
I've got a twisted testicle, a hideous skin disease, two slipped disks...
[singing] …And a partridge in a pear tree!
Why might I put my finger up your bottom if you couldn't name of seven bald men apart from Yul Brynner? [Beat] That is one of the oddest questions I've ever asked anybody.
FMFred MacAulay
There will be a lot of people watching who will wonder what does a true Scotsman wear under his kilt, and I can tell you true Scotsman will never tell you what he wears under his kilt. He will show you at the drop of a hat.
I've seen dandruff on the shoes. That's a giveaway. But the short kilt -
I don't feel well now.
[waving arms] I don't feel good with that information. Quick, send something else! Give me another image!
[On field crickets chirping quicker at hotter temperatures]
Well, it makes sense now, when you think about when you're being in a hot country, and you're tossing at night and you can't get off, and then you hear the…
[long look]
No! No, no, no.
[sympathetic look]
I'm simply not having it!
Sounds like it.
A million British horses were sent to the First World War front. What happened to the ones that survived?
They settled in the southern France, opened a caravan park…
Of course they couldn't learn the language, so they ended up moving back.
No one has ever fallen on a banana peel. No one’s slid on a banana peel... Presumably the only person...
[Alan puts up his hand.]
You? You’re kidding. The one person in history.
That is a commitment to comedy, Alan. Well done.
Was this in comedy school, or once you’d graduated?
No, it was in Chapel Market in Islington. It’s a fruit and veg market.
That’s a likely place to find one.
I did actually tread on a banana. And you really go. I mean, they are incredible.
There was a little girl in our primary school class, we were like 6 years old, and she was just in floods of tears. Bawling her eyes out. And we kind of went, ‘what’s the matter?’ She went, ‘I just love horses so much!’
CBClare Balding
I don’t see why that’s strange.
[On how to find your way towards north in a forest]
You find a tree.
Yeah?
With moss on it. And…
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - MOSS]
[unaffected] …On the opposite side of it, it's dry, so you sit there and wait for someone to come along and ask them.
I wore trousers very much like that. With the long sock, of course.
We know about your long socks.
Don’t we just?
[Taking off his lei.] Can I take this off? I’m getting a rash,
Okay.
I’m allergic to souvenirs.
What's the oldest trick in the book?
Debbie McGee.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.