“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Hey moron! This is your table!

Get the fuck out of here, really.

Abby, what you’re employing is a ship with no captain at the helm and a team desperate for guidance. No guidance is no standards; no standards is no consistency. So, who came up with the menu? If this is American comfort food, somebody’s dreaming here.

I did. I did; I take full responsibility for the menu.

You have no cooking background but you put the menu together? Abby, you’ve got to understand how frustrating this is. It’s ridiculous!

I don’t know what to say. Fix it. You fix it! That’s why you’re here.

Oh come on, Abby! How can I fix it when you stand there in front of your team rating YOU and your restaurant and your food 10 out of 10? Dreamer!

I don’t... I don’t think it’s as bad as you say it’s...

Stop being in denial!

Can you be more specific about the meat loaf? What did you not like about the meat loaf?

(in disbelief) Oh, SHIT!

Can you say something besides...

You’re loopy!

I’ve been called worse than that.

Wake up and admit it’s shit!

Bring it on.

Oh, come on.

Bring it on.

What do you mean, “bring it on”?

So what do I do? Like, just get out of the restaurant business? Then, obviously, my thirty years in business is, like, worthless and I have no idea what the fuck I am doing? Okay! I think I'm going to open that hot dog stand down the beach.

Want some tea or something?

No!

I don't really care what he says.

Well, I mean...

He's completely full of shit! Like, seriously? Our meat loaf is, like, what put us on the map! I mean, it's great!

I don't like the meat loaf.

(flabbergasted) You really don't?

I honestly don't.

We had it the other night together.

What? What-what didn't you like about it?

I think our food is mediocre, if it's not...

Mini-Me, seriously!? You're telling me now you don't like it!?

We eat it because we're here. This is not my restaurant of choice. I will not dine here in my off time.

You're saying, for what we serve -- comfort food, meat loaf, pastas, steak, whatever -- you're saying, for those--

It's not up to par even for that.

So now you're all telling me that you don't like the menu?

(testimonial) I feel stabbed in the back, I guess. (back at the staff meeting) You're just hitting me with this, now?

You know what we're up against if we even opened our mouths about the menu once? Every time we open our mouths, "Fuck off!" "Fuck you!" "You don't know anything!" We're all at a point now where we're just like, "If this is what she wants, let's just serve it out! We'll take it out of the window and bring it to the table!"

We were trying to make the best out of it.

What are we going to have an opinion about now?

Oh, you're so full of shit! (walks out of the meeting)

(tries to bring Abby back) No, no, no, no.

You're so full of fuck! No!

Talk to us! (testimonial) Without a doubt, she's in denial.

You haven't got a head chef?

Jimmy is my head chef.

So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.

Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?

Why don't we what?!

I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.

Has nothing to do with me?

No.

Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--

You're being a fucking asshole! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!

Hold - hold on a minute! You're calling me a fucking asshole?!

I am!

You stuck-up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Listen to me!

I'm not going to listen to you.

You're in denial!

I'm not in denial!

Yes, you are! Yes, you are! You can't even accept it!

Fuck you!

And you walk out again!

I am! (Flips off Gordon) Fuck you! (walks upstairs)

There you go. Flip the bird? That's your attitude? (to Rico) And that's your partner? I'm really sorry, but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.

You are insane!

Blame me all you want! Easy excuse, isn't it? You're insane!

I'm insane? You're insane! You're fucking insane!

You can't even handle the fucking truth!

That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.

You're in denial. Flip out again!

I would NEVER allow that refrigerator to go like that!

And those BONES?! The mouldy lamb bones?!

I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the fuck out of my restaurant?!

You want me to go? I will go.

I would love you to go! Get the fuck out of my restaurant, please!

You are SO in denial, you need THERAPY!

You're a disgrace to this industry! Fuck you, get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?

(to the cameraman) Not now, guys, please, Please, please.

Fuck him.

When Chef Ramsay goes to work on any of the restaurants, he always does a thorough kitchen inspection. And while some are absolutely fine, others are a disgusting mess. Here are the three worst inspections in Kitchen Nightmares history.

Kitchen Nightmares has seen its shares of arguments, but we've selected the three biggest blow-ups.

Oh, my God. You are kidding me. Jesus Christ! Who's doing all this? Oh, my good God.

Um, Gordon, if you continue like that, Jesus Christ is actually going to appear.

I hope so, because that's what's needed right now.

Ready to get out of the business?

No. Don't say that. (cries)

Come on, stop crying. Fucking grow up, you pussy!

Fuck you.

Okay, today can be summed up in one four-letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed you to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff. You. Both of you. Got it?

Yeah.

Good night. Get to work. [leaves]

(interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures.

Yay.

[sobbing while cleaning a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can't...do this.

What's wrong Jim?

I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem.

I'm not cleaning anything up.

Go take a break Jim.

No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I got to clean this up.

By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

I saw on the menu, the "Oysters--"

The Oysters Cortello.

[gives her a meaningful look]

It's an invented dish for our restaurant. The Cortellos are Darryl and Ellen, so they made it up.

So the owners have named an oyster after them?

Yes, they have.

They bought the restaurant, now they want their name on the menu.

Yes.

Sounds like someone's struggling for power!

Wow. They're dreadful. Oysters named after the owner? I sure wouldn't put my name on that. I wouldn't even put my enemy's name on that.

How does this work? Emil, when were these done?

Last night.

Why are they bagged?

He portions them out to order.

Really? [Watches Darryl's side-eye] What's the idea of putting everything in bags?

Portion size.

Portion size?

[interview] I like to have everything in quantitative perspective. If I give too much, you get a happy customer here, you don't get a good customer. They're happy because they're getting three times what they should be getting, and I'm getting nothing. I don't make money on that.

It's food. We're not cutting, uh, piping for the bathroom.

Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?

Look how tough the duck is!

You said it's tough?

It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]

It is not tough.

The meat is tough!

I'm hungry and I'm going to eat it my fucking self.

Enjoy it then!

[interview] That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is going to stay quacking on my menu.

I don't give a fuck if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so fucking good, man. (interview) Oh my gosh. (Kisses).

Hey look, that's the skin.

It's tough. (interview) Moe doesn't get it. He doesn't want to listen, he still thinks it's tender. I don't know what kind of teeth he has.

You know what? I'd like him to come back here and cook the duck and show him what his duck gonna look like. We're going to call it the "Gordon duck!" (laughs; Gordon can hear it.) It's going to be a British duck right there! (laughs)

What the hell's going on in there?

How's it going, Chef?

They're laughing. What is going on in there?

The food is coming back to the kitchen and they think it's a joke.

Um, can I meet the chef?

Absolutely.

[Mocks Gordon back in the kitchen] "It's bloody dreadful! Fucking bloody!"

[interview] Chef Ramsay is clueless. I really don't think that British can cook. Period.