[Sees Tanya walking] Hey. [Gestures] Come here. Mm, come here. The probation worker's looking for you.
Because he seems to be under the impression that you've stolen a dog-shaped charity box, on account of him having found it in your locker. Mm! You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you right back with a cherry on top.
TTanya
You have no idea what I can do to you.
You think you can use your little power to fi... x... this. But you're too late, because he's already reported you. And the cops are already coming. [Chuckles] You're going down, sweet child. Don't mess with the assman!
[To Simon] So you're with Alisha, aren't you? That's great, man. I'm with that beautiful, innocent-looking girl down there. Yeah. She absolutely loves it up the arse! I know! I know, we're all just pussying around, aren't we? "Should I slip it up there?" "No, you can't. That's where she makes toilet." Turns out... Come here. Turns out... it's also the way to a woman's heart.
You stick anything up my arse and I will break your face.
It's just the posh ones. It's just the posh ones. Listen... just so you know, you don't have to worry about that girl who screwed with us, cos your Uncle Rudy's all over that shit like a motherfucker-r-r-r-r!
What, it doesn't matter that your girlfriend used to be called The Cock Monster?
We've all got a past. I've got... two pasts. All that matters is us, here, now. Do you know what they used to call me at school? The Pussy Meister.
I was getting so much pussy, I didn't know what to do with it, just... loads of pussy, everywhere...
Will you please stop saying "pussy"?
RRudy
How've you got in here?
RRudy
[Tuts] D'you know, this isn't working out for either of us. I think we should stay split.
RRudy
Why not? You've had your moment in the sun. You've got it all off your chest. Consider me humiliated. You're your own man now. We can go our separate ways, separate lives. We don't have to see each other ever again. What d'you say? Maybe you could move to Wales,
I've no fucking intention of going there! So you can walk around like you're happy all the time?
RRudy
It works for me. I don't need you turning up every time I feel down, reminding me of everything that makes me feel shit about meself.
Yeah, but it's a part of who you are.
RRudy
No. It's a part of who you are. Mate, all this fighting, arguing, nobody wants to get stabbed in the shoulder with a pair of scissors. It's not cool, and it hurts. C'mon, man, let's just stay split. I'm gonna take your moody silence as a "yes".
Try not to break another window on your way out.
[A cop car pulls up behind them] Don't get upset, but this isn't exactly my car.
Nicked it off a man with a perm. A man, with a perm. What's that about?
We can't get caught in no nicked car. We're all on probation.
Maybe they'll let you off with a warning, love. [Skip to them all in the jumpsuits looking at Rudy] Honestly, guys... I thought they'd let you off with a warning.
[Walks in clapping] That didn't take you long, did it? Congratulations.
[To Kelly writing in a notebook on rooftop] What you doing?
Designing a new propulsion system.
Because I'm a fucking rocket scientist!
Ah! Are we doing catchphrases? Maybe we could all have one. Mine could be, "Now you see me... now you see two of me."
Why do we need catchphrases?
You know, for when shit goes down, man. Oh, c'mon, d'you really think we're just gonna spend the next seven weeks ambling about, picking up litter?
Yeah, well, maybe it'll be different this time. Maybe there won't be any shit going down.
Oh, trust me, there'll be shit. It's in the air. I can smell it.
You should do the Lottery. Use your power. See the numbers. Take their trousers down, we'll stick it to 'em, split it 50/50.
Why should I split it with you?
Because it was my idea, you! I'm the brains, you're the stare. Okay. 60/50.
[Chuckles] It's supposed to add up to 100.
Whoa, don't even think about screwing me, [swipes Simon's cheek with paint scraper handle] sweet cheeks! 70/40. Final offer.
I don't get to choose what I see.
Ah! Fine! 80/30. But I feel like I'm being raped here, and not in a good way.
What? Am I not allowed to smile?
You look like you just got laid.
Have you just had a shag?
[Looking under vehicle engine hood] Piece of shit! Won't start. I don't know why I opened the bonnet. I don't know what I'm looking at.
D'you want me to take a look?
What, you know about cars?
Well, I know about electronics, cause I'm a fucking rocket scientist, aren't I? [Makes an adjustment] Try it now. [Engine turns over]
Thanks. You want a lift? Look, you've already undermined my masculinity. At least let me drive you somewhere. Get in. Where to?
There. [Seth drives a short distance] Thanks for the lift.
Well, you can give us a new power if you want.
I don't owe you that much. Right, see you around.
[Running alongside Mel on track circuit] D'you mind if I run with you?
[Mel completely ignores him] You, er, fancy going for a drink sometime? How about dinner? Hm? Please yourself. I'll catch you on the next lap, yeah? [Mel runs on from him]
[Approaches Emma] You look like you had a late one.
You'll never guess who I met last night.
Curtis Donovan. D'you remember him?Sprinting guy that got banned. It was a drugs thing.
Right. So what's he like?
Well, I thought he was cute. Then we went back to his...
FCFlashback Curtis
By the time my ban's over, it'll be too late. No decent coach is gonna want to work with me. And all the guys I trained with, I was way better than them.
He was so negative about everything. Talk about feeling sorry for yourself!
FCFlashback Curtis
Running's the only thing I was ever really... really good at. It was the only thing that made me feel good about myself.
It's like he blames everyone else for what's happened to him. I had to kiss him just to shut him up! I ended up giving him a sympathy shag.
Big mistake. The guy is clueless. It was some of the worst sex I have ever had. [Laughs]
I have to warm down. [Walks away]
I want you to come for a drink with me. Just one drink.
I'm not interested, okay?!
You don't know what you're missing. I know how to please a woman.
[Shaun puts hand on her rear] Take your fucking hand off my arse before I break it!
Oh, my mistake. [She walks away] Lesbian.
Ho, ho! Oh, that were brutal, weren't it? That were like watching someone fist a baby lamb. She just took a huge shit in your mouth!
All right. Look, it... you know, it happens to all of us. Women are cruel and insensitive, and they are hurtful. But they're so beautiful. They smell really nice. They smell like... toffee apples.
Can I ask you something? When we were together, was I...
Was I... all right? You know, sex stuff?
We couldn't actually touch each other, so...
No, no, no. What we could do. Was I shit?
That's one of those no's that means yes. [Mimics her voice] "No!" [Default voice] Fucking yes!
What are you saying? I haven't said anything.
Yeah, but you were thinking it. Say it. Go on, I want to hear it.
Wait...! Is he better than me? [Chuckles and gestures to Simon on his phone] What, him? He's better than me?!
Er, don't talk about him like that!
When we're doing it, he's focused on me!
No, you just spent a lot of time watching yourself.
Oh, really? Look, you were like this. [Mimics masturbation for a moment]
Look, this is the reason that girls don't tell boys this stuff. Their egos can't take it.
Oh, so that's another thing that's wrong with me?
What is that supposed to mean?
Sometimes it's like there's this big fucking cloud just hanging over your head.
Oh, really? [Sucks teeth] "My life's shit! Everything's shit! I shouldn't even be here!" Look, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask.
[Lying to find a head between her legs] Emma?! What are you doing?!
I'm, er... I'm pleasuring you. [Emma appears] It's not generally a spectator sport, is it?
I thought it was you! [Emma walks away]
Is that why you were calling me Emma?
[Gets up after her] Emma! Wait!
Got one of your pubic hairs stuck in me throat here.
[Enters his quarters] Are you all right? You know when you think you know someone... and they turn out to be something different? Fuck it. I don't wanna think about it. [Sits on bed beside him] So what have you been up to?
Nothin'. Just hanging out. [Emma starts passionately kissing him and Curtis thwarts her] Oh... I don't think you really want this. [Emma starts taking off her dress] Put your clothes on.
Do you really wanna have sex with me, or is this just some kind of revenge fuck? 'Cause I don't want that. You don't need to do this. Put your clothes on.
I was wrong about you. Have I messed things up?
This is my dress. Why have you got my dress?
You're shagging her, aren't you?
No, no, it's not what you think it is.
So what is it, then? How did this get here? You're such a fucking prick.
