[In recreation centre locker room] So, my mum opens the door and she's like, "Argh!" I'm like, "I'm immortal!" Then she fainted. Faceplants on the radiator. There's blood and teeth everywhere.
Yeah, she's fine. She's fine. Apart from the whole face. Kinda put a downer on the whole thing.
How did you explain it to your dad?
I told him I faked my own death as part of an elaborate life insurance scam. He was not a happy man.
I could ask you the same thing.
I'm the probation worker.
Oh. [Offers handshake] Nathan. Nathan Young.
They told me you were dead.
Really? [Takes pulse on neck] Apparently not. Could a dead man do this? [Starts dancing and bumps into locker door] Oh! Jesus!
Well, I'll put you back in the system.
Hold on. What? Are you saying I was out of the system? I was a free man? If I didn't show up here, no-one would've come looking for me?
We thought you were dead. [Walks away]
[Lifts open bag to discover Sally's body] Is that the probation worker?
She was after us. She was engaged to Tony, the first probation worker. She found out about us killing him.
What, so you kill her? That's brilliant! Problem solved!
She was going to the police. I didn't mean to kill her. It was an accident.
You're a weird little psycho, and now everyone knows it. [Walks away]
Don't walk away! This is on all of us!
I thought we were through with this shit! [All community servers turn to washroom door at sound of toilet flushing]
[Comes out of washroom] It's all hot cross buns and Easter Eggs when Jesus gets resurrected.
Whoever it was, they know we killed our probation workers.
Did someone kill our probation worker? Seriously? I spend a few hours in the toilet and I miss all that? Life is just passing me by.
I think it's a shape shifter. They can take on other people's appearance. I saw it in an episode of Star Trek.
You should probably watch more science fiction, might actually figure out what's going on round here.
So that wasn't you who said those very hurtful things about the size of my cock?
Then you're probably wondering why I said you had a... huge fanny. There may have been a bit of a mix-up.
We should set up a password that we can say to each other so we know it's us.
We're not having "monkey slut" as a password!
What are the chances of that being used in a normal conversation? Kinda low, no?
Just go with it. "Monkey slut". [Nathan raises a fist in agreement]
We need to find out who it is before they go to the police.
It's the new probation worker. It's always the probation worker.
That dead chick was the other probation worker's fiancée. What if this new one's his brother?
He's white. Tony was black.
Er, adopted brother? Adopted kids are nut jobs.
[Lucy appears unexpecting to see the community servers]
Or it could be her. [Lucy flees]
[Appears] I will see you tomorrow.
[Goes up to Shaun's face] Yeah, good one. Very convincing.
[Ready to fight] You think you can dick around with us! [Punches Shaun who falls to floor] Change back into your fuckin' self! [Starts kicking Shaun]
Kick her again! Kick her again! [Shaun grabs Nathan to floor and gets on top him choking him]
She's got me! Get her off me!
[Affected by Alisha touch] Lick my salty balls, you cock-loving, ball-sucking bitch!
Get off him! [Knocks him out with fire extinguisher]
[Takes Shaun's pulse] She's dead.
Look, you had to do it. She was going to kill me!
I thought she'd turn back into herself when she died.
There's no way that's actually the probation worker, right?
I think it might be. [Simon turns to see Lucy in office window]
Can we please stop killing our probation workers?!
Right. I will see you tomorrow.
Good one! Very convincing!
[Gets time transported back and intercepts community servers approaching Shaun] It's not her!
You're obviously lying. But it's five o'clock and I couldn't give a shit. Have a good one! [Walks away]
[After chasing Lucy into office] Where'd she go?
[Spotting a mouse] She's turned into a mouse!
So, basically, he's had a blow job off your girlfriend and you haven't?
Shut up, man. It wasn't her.
Who cares about her brain when your balls are resting on her chin?
[Points hurling stick in Nathan's face] Say another word! I dare you! Do it!
I didn't do anything! [Refers to Simon] Be angry with him!
I didn't know what was happening. She just... Then she... before I knew it, she was-
You didn't know it wasn't Alisha! You should've stopped her!
C'mon, man! Be serious! That requires an inhuman level of self-restraint that no man is capable of. The siren call of the blow-job renders all men powerless! That's how girls trick you into marrying them!
