I shagged someone's gran!
RRuth
I haven't got any grandchildren.
Well, that's ok than, because that could have been really awkward.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Appears behind a sheet on laundry line] So... I suppose you're going to tell me you love him?
But it doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm... I'm so sorry I hit you.
I... I punched the guy you live with. Your... you... I can't call him your "boyfriend", or your "partner". It's too pathetic!
You can call him "Dad", if you like.
Oh, that's funny.
I've been worried about you. Where are you living?
I've got a flat... with some friends... flatmates.
If you try to get on with Jeremy, I mean, really try, well, maybe you could move back in.
I'm not being funny. A woman your age... if you don't settle down before your looks go, you've got no chance.
Oh, thank you!
I can't look after you when you're eighty. You'll be phoning me every time you wanna change the TV channel? No, too painful. I've got my flat. It's better for all of us.
[to Jeremy] If you ever hurt her, I'll take you up at the vet and have you put down.
I told you there'd be other people who got messed up by the storm. And you didn't believe me.
Yeah, well, I was wrong wasn't I? There's a hurricane of weird shit out there! [Alisha makes a gesture alluding to cunilingus] Oh, another oral sex gag! Brilliant!
Every man I meet. There's always a reason you take against them. It's like when you said Richard was sexually abusing you.
It's nothing like that. This is true.
So are you like a member of staff or something?
I'm a volunteer.
Volunteer?! I love to volunteer.
Is that why they gave you community service?
Could be, could be. I'd probably just be here anyway you know, helping out.
So what did you do?
I sexually assaulted a 90-year-old woman.
That's funny.
She didn't seem to think so at the time. God rest her soul.
He's not a werewolf. This guy is such a pussy, he has to get my mum to open jars for him. I'm pretty sure a werewolf could open a jar of peanut butter for himself.
You should come out with us some time.
I would you know but, my mum told me to stay away from girls like you.
Your mum has never met a girl like me.
Your boyfriend is some kind of psycho, rough trade, gay, rapist, werewolf!
If I'm invisible, I can see if anyone puts anything in our lockers.
That sounds like a plan. [To Alisha putting on mascara] You alright with that one, yeah?
Works for me.
[To Simon] Go on then, turn invisible.
I can't do it when everyone's watching me.
So I guess it's like pissing at a urinal if you've got a tiny cock.
Well, that's, er, really impressive. [They walk away, then Simons transforms] Hey, you lot! Did you see it?!
[Leading them] Okay, so, all these clothes have been donated by members of the public and we need to sort them before we ship them to Africa.
Just another day in paradise.
Yeah, well, I'm sure the people receiving them will be grateful for your hard work.
They should be. They're getting a new wardrobe.
You are so wrong.
These are the categories to sort them into. It's children's clothes, shoes, coats. That kind of thing. Okay, so, if you've got any questions, just ask. [Nathan pops up hand and Ben nods at him]
If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?
If you've got any relevant questions, just ask. [Kelly chuckles] Oh, and if it's on dry land, I'd bet on the bear.
[Holds up a shirt to Curtis] Suits you.
[Swipes shirt out of Nathan's hand] Fuck off!
[Holds up a skiing boot] Ski wear. Classic. Try walking ten miles to the well in these. Hey, hey, hey, who am I. [Puts on skiing goggles and does a rendition singing of a U2 song] One luhh ohh yeaahh huh huuuhh ahh... [Other community servers are just silently staring] C'mon! Okay. All right, all right, I'll give you a clue. I'm an annoying cunt!
Yeah, we know that.
I'm Bono!
[Social worker Sally walks in with Jodi] Who's that?
It's a girl I had a fight with. I got to do some restorative justice bollocks with her.
[Raises hand like a bodybuilder] Hey, Bono, yeah?
What?
I don't know why I bother.
Jodi's here. Come on.
[Alisha's holding up a dress] Suits you.
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