Look, I am sorry you were born... that way.
VDVincent Daniels
That's exactly what my father said. Just before he left.
VDVincent Daniels
I guess it was rough on him. His friends' sons played baseball. His carried the water bucket. His friends' sons played football. His carried the water bucket. To this day, I go crazy every time I go by a drinking fountain!
You mean your father walked out on you just because you were... petite?
VDVincent Daniels
The night before he left, I heard him tell my mother that it was his fault. He said that I was a punishment from God. But my mother was an intelligent and caring woman. And she finally explained it to me, that it wasn't my inadequacies he couldn't deal with.
[He looks Dan square in the eye]
VDVincent Daniels
It was his own.
[silence]
[guiltily] Is it true you can hang yourself with your own belt?
You can do it with your own words.
[stands] Vincent, I am truly sorry for everything that I said and did. You may shoot me in the vital organ of your choice.
VDVincent Daniels
Apology accepted. I'll get back to you on which organ.
VDVincent Daniels
Yes. Because I think you're being sincere. Also, I've seen your conviction record. You're good.
[Dan looks gratified]
VDVincent Daniels
But most of all I'm taking you back because it will give me the opportunity to make your life a LIVING HELL! You think you're a tough customer? Well, move over, Buster! Because I'm the toughest, I'm the meanest, I'm the nastiest little man God ever put on this earth! I'm going to make you run, I'm going to make you jump, I am going to make you slither on the ground like a snake!
[Dan hugs him, then leaves]
VDVincent Daniels
I don't understand him.
Neither do I. But together we can have some fun abusing him until we do.
[to a newsman on a portable television] I want you dead! If I could get to Albany, I would kill you myself! [throws it out the window] And I hate your blazer!
[He calms down, and turns to Harry.]
I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Uh, Harry, I apologize about your TV.
[giggling] Let me tell him.
[Behind him, Bull rises slowly to his feet.]
[without turning around] He's getting up... he's coming over here...
[Harry and Christine nod. Dan turns and jumps when he sees Bull looming there.]
[Dan takes off his watch and places it on the table, then removes his shoe and uses the heel to smash the watch as hard as he can, then holds it up for inspection.]
Life may be filled with pitfalls and uncertainty, but from adversity comes strength.
RRenee
Your Honor, may I address the court?
JHJudge Harold T. Stone
Listen, I don't--
Renee (interrupts him, turning to the galley): I...am a hooker.
Renee (continues): You see, I degrade myself for money because...I don't like myself very much.
Renee (continues): No, that's, that's not entirely true (voice cracking tearfully): I don't like myself at all. (pauses to keep from crying, gestures to Bull): And this man...made me feel like a princess. And do you know why? (no one answers, her pleas become more desperate and strained from trying not to cry): You know why? Well, I don't know why, either. (finally falls to the floor, sobbing): Can somebody please tell me why?!
Uh, excuse me sir, about my client...
He stole an Eskimo Pie, sir.
There was this girl. 17, beautiful girl, dark complexion, dark hair, and a welt under her eye where her husband had hit her. She was pregnant for the third time, I think. And the DA said they lived in a rat-infested place on the Lower East Side. She said she wanted her husband to stop hitting her. And as soon as I indicated that I'd send him to jail, zip! She changed her testimony, said she was lying! She didn't want her husband to go to jail! He brought home money so the family could eat! All she wanted was for him to stop hitting her! Well, Harry, I can't make him stop! IN 25 YEARS, I'VE NEVER MADE ANYBODY STOP!
God's in his heaven... but all's not quite right in the world.
Maybe a little. But mostly, I'd say you're real, real tired.
[laughing softly] Ho-ho, tired... oh, I could sleep for a million years. If the bed they strap me down to is comfortable, I probably will.
Art, Art, Art, dear, dear Art, please don't think I'm trying to pry... [seizes Art by his sterile mask] ...but what the hell are you doing?
I got a work order here to fumigate the entire building. We've got a problem with termites.
[Everyone looks up at a loud creaking noise from the ceiling, which collapses, dumping an entire desk onto the courtroom floor, along with its shell-shocked occupant.]
AAssistant
[into his phone] I, uh... I'll have to get back to you, Mac.
[at his desk, into his own phone] I understand.
[Mac introduces Mrs. Lund from Juvenile Services.]
You work in the building? Funny, I've never seen you.
LMrs. Lund
Well... to be honest, I was told to stay away from this floor. [Bull enters, wearing a full-sized gas mask.] Mind you, I have nothing to base that on.
Art, hey! We're busy here! You wanna pick this up later?
[lays a commiserative hand on Mac's shoulder] I only wish we could have saved your desk.
Oh, my dear Lord! [runs out]
NHNancy Hines
Nancy Hines from Records. I have some data for you.
Thanks. Toss it in there, please.
NNancy
Sorry, I was asked to toss it up here. [She hits Dan in the face with a chocolate cream pie to everyone's amusement] It's from a friend.
It was... one of you, wasn't it?
And it was worth every penny! [laughs]
Flo, that is very nice, but you don't have to cover for me. I called them, Dan!
Wait a minute, wait a minute. You two don't have to cover for me. I was the one that called them!
You want the truth? It was all of you.
[laughs] I knew you couldn't resist it. I knew you would want me. I made a deal with the guy out in the hall. I said if he took the money, just for one hit, and gave me the rest, I wouldn't sue him!
Yes, I knew! You hate me! You all hate me! Everybody hates me! [He leans into Christine, his face still covered with chocolate cream.] For the first time in my life, I'm taking advantage of being me.
[unable to look at him] You allowed yourself to be humiliated for a few hundred dollars?
Are you crazy? He'd French-kiss a buffalo for a few hundred dollars.
[during a hostage standoff in the cafeteria]
[hangs up the phone] They said they might be able to get a hostage negotiator over here in... [checks watch] Two hours.
JHJudge Harry T. Stone
[aghast] Two hours?
They said all their people are tied up right now.
JHJudge Harry T. Stone
Tied up with what?
Rope. They're being held hostage by a militant splinter faction of Up with People.
JHJudge Harry T. Stone
[shakes head] It was only a matter of time.
[while Flo is being held "hostage" in the cafeteria]
HRHector Rivera
If you don't shut up, lady, I'm gonna pull this pin...
Ah, you don't scare me. I was one of the original Angels of Bataan, served in the Philippines. I've seen combat, I've seen bloodshed, I've seen man's inhumanity to man at its best! Where was I?
HRHector Rivera
[helplessly] Oh-nine-hundred hours...
Right... [leans back, remembering] The smell of damp khaki filled the air...
[Hector buries his head.]
Skip, why'd you do it? You were free. [Skip, an orangutan, pets Bull under his chin] Oh, I understand.
He says he gave himself up for me. He says he weighed the options and decided that my career was more important, considering the steadily increasing competition in the urban job markets in addition to the unpredictable cost-of-living fluctuations in most free-enterprise industrial nations. Of course, I'm paraphrasing.
