Well if it isn't my favorite yellow journalist.
AAl
What is it? Jennifer Black is it, and you are its current lover.
Craven, we met briefly, we had coffee and then I took her right back to her hotel.
AAl
How does she take it?
AAl
Her coffee. My public likes to know that kind of stuff.
Your public moved their lips when they read.
AAl
Your Honor, come on, huh? I figured you'd give me the inside story because of our close, personal relationship.
Craven, our close, personal relationship is that of a tick to a dog.
AAl
(nods as if understanding, then points to himself) Tick, right?
Reynolds, Guy T. 629 Bleecker Street.
GGuy
May I remove my coat, Your Honor?
"Indecent exposure." You almost got me on that one, didn't you, Mr. Reynolds?
GGuy
That charge is ridiculous, Your Honor. I'm not a pervert. I'm a nudist.
[courtroom audience applauds]
All right, that's enough. Mr. Reynolds, what you do in the privacy of your own home is one thing but what you do at the Chock Full o'Nuts at Fourth and Lexington is quite another.
GGuy
That was the point, Your Honor. To bring the subject out into the open. Discuss it, create a forum.
Your Honor, what Mr. Reynolds apparently created was a stampede when he stood atop the coffee counter, disrobed and sang, "Hey, Look Me Over."
GGuy
Don't you see? Our clothing inhibits us, people. Nudity allows us to be open to each other.
Great little icebreaker, no doubt. But, Mr. Reynolds quite frankly, I don't wanna know you that well.
GGuy
All I can say is, if you don't go nude, you're missing a wonderful experience. It's-well it's indescribable.
Yeah well, I'm gonna describe it as a Class A misdemeanor and I'm gonna fine you $160.
Oh, come on, Selma. Don't keep us all in suspense. How did the date go with Bernie?
Selma, you don't have to give us all the details. What time did you get home?
Well, if you must know, very early.
You didn't have a good time?
You said you got home early.
I got home around midnight. Bernie got home around noon. Ready when you are!
Do the words “chow down” ring a bell, sir?
Your honor, we are starving. Please call a dinner break.
Sir, you can’t ignore your dinner date forever.
Hey, one more case. We’ll work up an appetite.
That’s what you said an hour ago, sir. And mine’s worked up real nice, I mean it’s ready for something raw.
Your Honor, if we do not eat, we will grow weak and then die on your floor.
…Anita Fries VS Arnold Burger, your honor.
Burger and Fries, please. [A hooker and a man with his hand over his eye walk in]
Anita Fries, your honor. She’s charged with solicitation, prostitution, [Pulls man’s arm away to reveal a black eye] and assault.
In the interest of time, let’s try and keep out the insignificant details. Specifically the graphic ones.
ABArnold Burger
She took my money, and she won’t give it back.
AFAnita Fries
I have a strict no-refund policy.
Your honor, apparently Ms. Fries provided neither... ”goods nor services”.
Oh, come on. One little comment does not make me a...
Mr. Prosecutor, I believe she was referring to your client.
Your honor, my client would like to show the demands made by Mr. Burger. [Hands him a piece of paper]
AFAnita Fries
This sicko gets his kicks off of food. He gives me fifty bucks, and tells me to spend it on ice cream, whipped cream, sprinkles, and cherries.
ABArnold Burger
They're in season.
AFAnita Fries
You want to hear what he wanted me to do with this stuff?
AAnita
He wanted me to smear it...
All right. One hour meal break.
I know you don't agree with me, but...
I don't expect you to... You agree with me?
Sure. I probably would have done the same thing.
[muttering] They told me you were nuts.
I... if you agree with me, why am I in jail?
Call it a whim. I have this thing about upholding the law. Billie, what you did was noble, it really was, and as a person I can admire it.
Bull, you look depressed.
I am. My word of the month is so obscure I can't find an opportunity to use it in conversation.
[after a beat, turns to Dan] So how about that Jets game last night, huh?
Bull, what exactly does pentimento mean?
It's an artistic term, referring to the reappearance of original elements that had been obliterated by a new outer appearance.
You mean like that little brown shadow on top of your head that you affectionately refer to as hair?
You caught me at a bad time, Craven - I'm here.
ACAl Craven
Oh, that's funny, that's very good.
I'm surprised that scandal sheet you write for is still in business.
ACAl Craven
Are you kidding? Misery is a moneymaker! [laughs] Hey, did you read my story last week? "Family In Hackensack Barbecues Brother!"
I don't read the Food section.
ACAl Craven
Aw, come on, Your Honor, there must be a story. Little sex, little violence, that's all I'm looking for!
Bad timing, Craven. Nothing bloodcurdling on the docket tonight.
ACAl Craven
Ah, what a world. I mean, people have knives. Why don't they use them?
Mr. Hubbell was on his way to a seminar on subway hospitality, when he was mugged outside of City Hall.
AHArthur Hubble
They took everything. My wallet, my keys, my cash...
And after pleading with several passer-bys for bus fare, Mr. Hubbell attempted to panhandle from a group of Japanese tourists. They turned him down.
He mugged them. Your Honor, the state wishes to submit evidence. We have affidavits from the victims, some shredded yen, and over seventy action-packed photographs of the incident.
