[while teaching the "gifted" class] "Now, did everybody here read Chapter 1?"
S1Student #1 [Server]
"Uh, Principal Pimpell. These books you gave us are weird".
S2Student #2 [Reyes]
"Yeah; no pictures".
S3Student #3 [Johnson]
"They're just full of these pages with little black squiggles".
"No; you got it upside down. Now, these little black 'squiggles' are symbols called 'letters'. Now, now, together, these letters form visual representations of words, like, for example, let me see...'coconut'! 'Coconut' is a word. Can anybody say, 'coconut'?"
S4Student #4 [Denberg]
"C-C-C-scissors?"
[someone has asked about lactose-intolerant; Johnson's character appears from inside of a grocery display]
Superdude is lactose-intolerant. That means he can be harmed by dairy products.
WWoman
You mean like ham?
No. Ham is meat. Dairy products include milk, butter, cream, cheese, cream cheese, and...
Host of "What's in the Box?" [Server] to one of the contestants, Paula Bahre [Denberg]: Paula, get ready.
ATAnnouncer [to the viewers]
Inside the box...is an orange.
HHost
Paula...your first question, dear?
HHost
Wait...now, wait a minute. Now, Paula...did you ask if it's the color orange, or an actual orange, as in, the fruit?
PPaula
I was asking if it was the color orange.
HHost
Okay; yes, it is the color orange, and, uh...I have a feeling that she's gonna guess what's in the box now.
PPaula
Me, too. Is it some sort of musical instrument?
HHost
No; Paula? We've already told you it's a fruit...and it's orange.
HHost
No! Paula! We've told you that it is not a musical instrument, and that it is a fruit, and that it is orange...as in a fruit that is orange, or an orange fruit...
PPaula
Do you use it in a bathtub?
HHost
Is there something wrong with you? You were on the right track when you guessed that it was a small, orange fruit! Orange! O, R, A, N, G, E...orange!
PPaula
Is it bigger than that box?
HHost
No, it's not bigger than the box! It's inside the box, Paula. How could it be bigger than the box?
HHost
Is my mic on? Testing...testing...
PPaula
So then it's not a kangaroo?
HHost
Is there something wrong with your head? A kangaroo is a large marsupial. This is a small, orange fruit. Orange! Orange! Orange!
HHost
Does this look like a kangaroo to you?
HHost
Wait, stop the music! Turn the lights back on!
HHost
Time is definitely, definitely not up! I'm the host around here, and nobody, I mean nobody is going anywhere, until this freak guesses what's in the box! Now, look, freak! It's a small, orange fruit! It has a navel. It has an orange rind, that you can peel. It's orange, orange, orange!
HHost
You can't give up! You cannot give up; you can't, you can't you can't you can't! It grows on an orange tree! You can make orange juice out of it! I've showed it to you; it's round; it's ORANGE! ORANGE! ORANGE!!...
(The Island Girls are visited by Kiki's sister, Didi)
DJDidi [Johnson]
Hello, hello!
Who cares? It's a person...it's a person that's not you!
(She runs to Didi)
Thank you, whoever you are! I'm rescued! I'm rescued! Finally--I'm rescued! Who are you?
(Didi removes her goggles)
This is my sister, Didi! Didi, this is my bestest friend, Fran!
(She hugs Fran, who looks terrified.)
GTGolfer [Thompson] to the Lemonade Scammer
Um, excuse me, have you seen my hat? (He notices the hat on her lemonade stand) Oh, there it is.
Oh, you want this hat? That'll be 300 bucks.
GGolfer
Three--hun--I'm sorry; look, I am not paying you any $300 for my own hat!
LSLemonade Scammer's assistant [Bynes]
Then make is 400.
GGolfer
400? Where did you come--oh, no. I ain't payin'. Nuh-uh.
Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care. Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care. Jimmy got hit with a melon...and I still don't care. What goes up must come down. What goes up your nose...must get gooey. Contrary to popular belief, Jack Sprat can eat fat. Ya just gotta hold Jack down, and shove that fat down his throat! 10 million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth. 10 minutes ago, I ruled the women's restroom. (It would actually be more appropriate to say something like, "10 million years ago, horses ruled the Earth", since the dinosaurs had become extinct 55 million years earlier; see The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Dinosaurs and Prehistoric Animals: A Visual Who's Who of Prehistoric Life, 3rd edition [©2013] by Prof. Barry Cox et al., and edited by Dr. Douglas Palmer, for details) If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you can't stand being dressed, stay out of your pants. Step on a crack, and break your mother's back. Step on a rusty nail, and you'll go, 'WHOOOOOOOA!!'".
[to Kenan, after getting amnesia due to a concussion from a falling spotlight] "'Josh'. 'Josh'. Why does everyone keep calling me 'Josh'? My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle...you lout." "'Lout'? Who you callin' a 'lout'?"
[to Katrina Johnson] "Hey, what's a lout?"
"I don't know. But he's Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."
"Well, ever since he got hit on the head, he thinks he's an English gentleman from the 18th century."
"Oh, c'mon; cut it out, Josh. This isn't funny."
"Gentlepeople! I must ask you to refrain from calling me by this...'Josh'. My name is Lord Swainsboro of Fontcastle."
"We gotta snap him outta this before the show starts."
"Yeah; he's in the first scene."
[to Katrina] "Ah, good lady, I beg your pardon. But the only appointment on my schedule today is for afternoon tea. I'm meeting Lord Worcestershire at 4 PM this very day."
"Oh, he's been goin' off the deep end; see, somethin' wrong. Somethin' wrong."
"'Manda!" [They fist-bump]
"Oh; what a delightful young cherub." [He kneels before Amanda]
AAmanda
"What's with him?"
"He got hit in the head with a light. Now he thinks he's Lord Fruitcake of Freakspit."
