GBGood Burger customer [guest star Mark Curry]
Hey, man, wait a minute. Hey, what's wrong with you, man?! I drove through the drive-thru, and you threw food all over me!
CCustomer
Uh...yes...look at it, I got shake all on my shirt, these Good Chunks all over me; what is wrong with you?!
CCustomer
Oh, yeah; that'll really help...no, I don't need no napkin!
CCustomer
Oh...no, I don't need a moist towelette or a napkin; what I need is a shower!
Oh. Okay, hold on. (Ed sprays the customer with ginger-ale)
CCustomer
What are you doing, man; what are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing?! Why are you spraying me with water?!
I didn't. This was ginger-ale.
Homework...bad. Pizza...'good'. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. [Long pause] No one cared. Ice cream tastes good. Armpits taste bad. If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be...this olllld burrito! It's a bad idea to put bacon on your face, and then run around screaming, LOOK AT ME; I'M PORKBOY, THE BREAKFAST MONKEY!. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When left in the sun, mayonnaise grows hair. Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy you...PORKBOY, THE BREAKFAST MONKEY!
EMEd [Mitchell]
Whoa! We have a drive-through window!
BSMr. Bailey [Schneider]
Ed, we've had a drive-through window for 3 years; it's right over there.(He points the drive-through window out to Ed.)
Whoa! How does the car fit through that little window over there?
It doesn't, Ed! The cars don't drive through the window; they drive past the window!
Oh; well, why don't they call it a "drive-pass" window?
(Coach Dullard, a gym coach, is coaching a boy named Bruno to become a ballerina in Miss Fingerly's ballet class; they are performing The Joyful Kumquat. Bruno has just gotten kicked by one of the other ballet students [Johnson] while the class has done pliés; before this, they had done "fondues" and "créme brûlées".)
CDCoach Dullard [Server]
WHAT WAS THAT?! YOU LET THAT LITTLE GIRL TAKE YOU OUT WITH ONE LITTLE PLIÉ!
BTBruno [Thompson]
But...she kicked...me hard, Coach.
CDCoach Dullard
SHE IS A LITTLE GIRL, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, BRUNO!
BBruno
But, she's real strong, and look; she ripped my tutu.
CDCoach Dullard
That's just "tutu" bad, isn't it?!
(Susie, from a fictional form of the Girl Scouts known as the Little Pansies, who wear pink uniforms, is trying to sell her cookies to a man named Bernie [Mitchell] and his wife [Bates]; she has just climbed in through their window after Bernie rejected her at the front door.)
SSusie
Okay, here is the deal; buy 30 boxes of Fudgy Clots, and I'll knock of 3%!"
(Each box of Little Pansy cookies costs $5; this would still cost $145.50 altogether.)
BBernie
What do you think you're doin'?
SSusie
Selling Little Pansy cookies! Haven't I made that clear?
DDorothy
What about me, Mr. Cosby? What about my shower?
CTCosby [Thompson]
Well, you see, Dorothy, a shower is like a box of peanuts that you sit on with your wife Camille. And the grapefruit, and the avocados, and the little children running around in the neighborhood. Purty, purty, purty. Purty, purty, purty. And then, your big toe swells up in your underpants.
It's nice to stop and smell the flowers. It's weird to stop and smell...this olllld burrito! If you smell smoke in your house, yell Fire!. If you smell smoke in your pants, yell 'Why am I smelling my pants?!". If your Mom's friend comes over with her new baby, don't say, Help me, Mama; that's one lousy baby!. If you have a pizza delivered, it's nice to tip the pizza man a dollar. It's not nice to say, Hey, thanks for the pizza...now, could you help me put it in my pants?. If you look under your arm, and find a big glob of mayonnaise...then NEVER, EVER, EVER COME NEAR ME! If your friend's Mom asks you what you'd like to drink, don't say Oh, nothing. My mouth's fulla spit. The early bird gets the worm. Fine! I don't want the worm!" Never put underwear on your head, and say to people, 'I'm little Nancy, and this my pretty new hat. It is better to sit there and look stupid...than it is to stand up, open your mouth, and announce, "HEY, I'M DEFINITELY STUPID!" If you like wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm extremely stupid"...well, then, you're extremely stupid. Girls...it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish, and then people you've invented the "double-cup aquarium".
"Everyone, I have a little surprise for you all! Kenan?"
[Thompson enters, carrying the Big Ear of Corn, who was feared to be terminally ill. The other cast members, especially Denberg, are delighted.]
SServer
"It's the Big Ear of Corn!"
BBates
"So, what was wrong with the Corn?"
TThompson
"Nothin'; it turns out that the Big Ear of Corn wasn't even sick at all! Katrina?"
[Johnson enters, pushing a perambulator containing the Big Ear of Corn's four new offspring, each of whom is still at least twice the size of a large standard ear of corn.]
JSJosh Server
Guys...guys...listen up. Has anybody met Amanda yet?
KTKenan Thompson
You mean Amanda, our new cast member?
JSJosh Server
I'm afraid so.
Wait second; what's wrong with Amanda?
Well, let's just say, she's way too happy and perky.
Oh, I hate happy and perky.
AAmanda
Hi-hi, everyone, it's me, Amanda!
KOKenan [offscreen]
What's, what's up?
AAmanda
I just wanted to tell y'all how happy and perky I am to be joining the cast of All That. We're all gonna have such fun.
LBLori Beth [sarcastically]
Oh, I'm sure we are.
AAmanda
Okay, everybody; gather 'round.
KMKel Mitchell
Aw, c'mon, Goldilocks.
Uh, look, Amanda; nothing personal, but...we don't like to gather.
AAmanda
Oh, Lori Beth, you are so funny.
AAmanda
C'mon, you guys; I have something for all of you. Now, for the boys, I made you all a bunch of oatmeal and raisin cookies.
KFKenan [faking excitement]
Oh, cookies!
AAmanda
And for the girls, stuffed animals! Lori Beth, I got you a bear, and for Alisa, a tiger. And for Katrina, a pretty pink bunny. Isn't he just too cute?
KJKatrina Johnson
Way...too cute.
Five minutes! Show starts in five minutes! Oh, I see you've all met our new cast member, Amanda. Isn't she all happy and perky? I just know she's gonna fit right in. Oh, a bunny!
KJKel, Josh, and Kenan [in unison]
Cookies.
What wonderful gifts. I enjoy gifts.
AAmanda
Oh, Kevin; you didn't think I'd forget you, did you?
I can't take too much more of her.
KKel
Even her cookies are too sweet.
You just don't like her 'cause she's all sweet and kindly. You know, we could all learn a thing or two from Amanda; that's what I say.
ABAmanda [brings a black armchair with a red button on the right arm]
And this is for Kevin.
AAmanda
A very special chair for a very special stage manager...
Oh, it's so comfy. My rear feels all happy. You know, I do need to relax now and then, you know...what's this red button right here?
AAmanda
Gee, I don't know. Why don't you push it?
You did that on purpose, didn't you?
Amanda? Just have one thing to say...welcome to the cast!
