I'll tell you. This has been your dream for the last thirty years. You made it happen. An Oscar won't make you happy forever, it won't solve all your problems. You win that Oscar, the next day you go back to being you. But that night is a really good night. I think you deserve a really good night, and I know how to get you there. Do you want that?
BoJack, you are amazing. You're bright and you're funny and you're handsome and you're talented. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest, dumbest piece of shit in the world.
Wow, you're really in sync with this Justin guy! You should do all the things with him that I can't do like! Like eat chocolate or enjoy fireworks, or watch tennis. Why, tennis makes me so mad!! Why doesn't anyone catch the ball!?
These orcas have the floppiest dorsal fins in town! And they can't wait to jump through hoops for you and your kids! Bring your prepubescent daughters, who are just beginning to be cognizant of a woman's role in the world. They won't internalize deeply problematic notions about the commodifications of sexuality in today's society! What are you talking about? It's just whales!
Well, first I rolled all over the couch to get the skunk stench out, but that did not work. So then I ran into every room to rub myself on all my clothes and belongings, you know, to get the Mr. Peanutbutter scent back.
I don't know what to tell you. I'm happy, for the first time in my life. And I'm not gonna feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn't have to be that way.
Hey, I stand by my critique of Sartre. His philosophical arguments helped many tyrannical regimes justify overt cruelty. Also, the French smell and I hate them.
[written words] "Kelsey, in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make. I'm sorry I got you fired. I'm sorry I never called you after."
[convincing Tenisha in the bathroom] Nobody completes anybody. That's not a real thing. If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, you sink your nails in and you don't let go. No matter what.
Yes. Thank you. Exactly. Settle. Because otherwise you are just going to get older, and harder, and more alone. And you're going to do everything you can to fill that hole, with friends, and your career, and meaningless sex. But the hole doesn't get filled. And one day, you're gonna look around and you're gonna realize, that everybody loves you...but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.
