[as imagined by Brenda during a family dinner] Quit trying to be some fucking hausfrau, all right? You're a rebel. You're a freak. We're never gonna be a real family no matter what you sauté!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I just feel like all I do, all day long, is just manage myself, try to fuckin' connect with people. But it's like, no matter how much energy you pour into getting to the station on time, or getting on the right train, there's still no fuckin' guarantee that anybody's gonna be there for you to pick you up when you get there.
MMaggie
Well, I know that if you think life is a vending machine, where you put in virtue and you get out happiness, then you're probably gonna be disappointed. I know that.
"Light from a cake is such a great light. We should just live in cakelight" (when they bring in the birthdaycake on Nate's 40st. birthday).
[Nate is looking through a photo album on his 40th birthday.]
The day I turned 40, you were in Europe. I spent the whole day wondering if you'd call.
Sorry.
Oh, don't apologize. You did what you had to do, you little fucker.
You know, so much crazy shit has happened since these pictures were taken. So much. The idea of 40 more years—
The next 40 fly by much faster. It'll be over before you know it.
Time flies when you're having fun, huh?
No, time flies when you're pretending to have fun. Time flies when you're pretending to love Brenda and that baby she wants so much. Time flies when you're pretending to know what people mean when they say "love". Face it, buddy boy, there's two kinds of people in the world: there's you, and there's everybody else, and never the twain shall meet.
[Billy is behaving weirdly at Nate's birthday party.]
Did you stop taking your medication?
Yeah! But that's a good thing.
Why?
Because, Claire... okay, I'm sick of feeling like I am living every moment inside a giant Xeroxed fucking cotton ball.
[Billy and George are talking on the porch. Billy is sneaking a beer.]
So, you stopped taking them? Just like that?
Yep.
How do you feel?
I feel a little tingly. That's about it. What do they got you on these days?
Well, they just switched me from Lithium to Tophranil.
Oh.
In between the shock treatments.
What are those like?
Honestly, I don't know. I go in. They put me on a bed. They give me some oxygen. They say "You're going to feel a little prick in your hand." That always makes me laugh. And then the next thing I know, I wake up with the worst headache I've had in my life.
You think it's helping?
I think that, as Émile Coué used to say, "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." But not everyone agrees.
Yeah. It's hard to get your shit together with someone watching all the time.
Hm, yeah, it is. But when no one is watching, then where are you? Where the fuck are you then?
Nobody grows up thinking this is the way they're gonna turn out to be. If I could change just by snapping my fingers, I'd do it.
I know you would, George.
I am trying so hard to get better.
And you are.
But not fast enough for you!
You're getting better as fast as you can. I know that.
I am so lucky. I hate that I'm the lucky one. No one's ever lucky to have me. Nobody's ever been lucky to have me.
I thought he was special, not retarded special.
VDVanessa Diaz
You know, lately, I was thinking there was a chance that maybe we could get back together. Boy, do I need my fucking head examined … I can't believe I married a fucking embalmer.
Look at us. You know what we look like?
Homos? [They laugh.]
[to Brenda] What am I supposed to tell her? That her real mommy got pregnant and made me trapped into marrying her while she was fucking her brother-in-law, and then he murdered her because she tried to break it off, and that he might even be her real dad? I just want to spare her that, but I don't have to spare me that.
MMarianne
What's the matter, Claire? Is it Kirsten? Is she being a butt?
Oh no, it's not that, it's just these pantyhose.
MMarianne
Oh. Do you have a run? 'Cause I have a little clear polish you can put on it …
No, no, it's not that. It's just they're squeezing against my entire torso and I feel like I can't even breathe. I mean, none of this work would even seem that hard if I didn't feel like I was sitting in a torture chamber all day.
MMarianne
Maybe you should try a different brand. Mine energize me.
No, it's not the brand. I mean, they're all the same, it's … I mean, I don't understand how having your legs sheathed in this, like, smooth plastic Barbie leg, like, encased in a sausage casing would help you do your job better. I mean, doesn't it seem sexist that it's a regulation only for women?
MMarianne
Men have to wear ties.
Right, but they don't suffocate you … and it's not on their penis.
MMarianne
I'm gonna go wash out some mugs.
SSarah
[to Ruth] You say there's a reason that Grandma lost her legs and there's a reason there's war and tsunamis and there's a reason that George fucking Bush got reelected?
Love isn't something you feel, it's something you do. If the person you're with doesn't want it, do yourself a favor and save it for someone who does.
[singing] Adrift on the water/could it be actually/wearing these clothes/I've never been/this fucking uncomfortable/Never again to wear pantyhose.../'Cause you ride up my thighs/You're tight on my ass/You climb up my crotch/You ruin my day/And fill my soul/You fill my soul with hate/It can't be right/when they feel so tight.../'Cause you and you and you/all of you...
MMarianne
Claire?
[singing] Ride up my thighs.
MMarianne
Claire? Is my music too loud? Do you need me to turn it down?
Oh, yeah, maybe a little. Thanks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.