[The boys --Greg, Peter, and Bobby-- have broken Carol's vase when they were playing football in the house.]
MOM'S FAVORITE VASE!
She always says don't play ball in the house.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Well, we have five suspects and five confessions.
Correction. Six suspects. And #6 is looking forward to an overnight camping trip this Saturday.
By Jove, Holmes, you’ve deduced that young Peter Brady did it.
Elementary, my dear Watson, the five who confessed are covering up for the sixth who didn’t.
Right. And if Peter is guilty, then the other kids are accessories to the crime.
Well, what are we gonna do about it, Mike?
Why not we play along with their little game and punish everybody who confessed?
[gasps] What? And allow Peter to get away with it?
Honey, Peter is not going to get away with it. His conscience is not going to let him.
[The scene cuts to the living room]
Does anybody know why Dad called this meeting?
I do. He's gonna tell everybody I broke the vase. I confessed.
Oh, no.
Well, somebody had to take the blame.
I told Mom I did it.
Me too.
Thud.
[Jan collapses on the chair.]
You too?
[Jan nods.]
I guess we all confessed.
I didn’t.
You didn’t.
[angry] I wanted to in the first place! But you guys drained up this whole thing!
Peter’s right. We’re as much to blame for this as he is.
[Jan hears Mike and Carol come in.]
Shh! Here they come.
I think we’re all gonna get it now.
[Mike and Carol enter]
One of you broke your mother's vase. But five of you claimed that you did it.
There seems to be a slight communication gap in this family.
Look! No matter who broke it, the others of you who confessed are just as guilty for hiding the truth. And I’m afraid you’re all going to have to be punished.
TJTommy Johnson
Hey man, they're just plain cigarettes.
JMrs. Johnson
[furiously snaps] LOOK! YOUR FATHER, IF HE HAS TO WAIT, HE IS GOING TO BE VERY UPSET!
TTommy
I am afraid he is going to be upset anyhow. The cigarettes were mine.
JMrs. Johnson
Cigarettes? What cigarettes?
TTommy
The ones you thought were Greg’s. See? We switched jackets by mistake.
[After Tommy says this, Mrs. Johnson pauses her anger. And she says...!]
JMrs. Johnson
[calmly] Oh, I see. I certainly owe Greg an apology. (Thanks for telling the truth, Tommy.)
[Mrs. Johnson turns to Greg and says...!]
JMrs. Johnson
[to Greg] I’m really very sorry.
Yes, ma’am.
Well, if I were waiting at a crowded airport...!
[Mrs. Johnson turns to Carol.]
[to Mrs. Johnson] Mrs. Johnson, how about next Friday?
JMrs. Johnson
Yes, next Friday.
TTommy
Mom? Can we talk about it before we pick up Dad?
[Mrs. Johnson --in response-- resumes anger and says...!]
JMrs. Johnson
[furiously and snaps] I EXPECT THAT WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT BEFORE AND AFTER WE PICK UP YOUR FATHER! NOW COME ALONG, TOMMY!
[True to what Mrs. Johnson says, she expects she and Tommy talk about it both before and after they pick up --Tommy's father-- Mr. Johnson from the airport. That is, and she --Mrs. Johnson-- lets Tommy know he is going to be in serious trouble.]
Good luck, Tommy.
TTommy
Yeah, I’m sure gonna need it. See you.
WSWig seller (Guest star Marcia Wallace)
Ah, that’s our ‘Midnight Temptress’ wig.
‘Midnight Temptress’, huh? Well, I don’t think I’ll be out that late.
[Peter, Jan and Cindy are practising "The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond" for the glee club]
By yon bonnie banks
PJPeter, Jan
And by yon bonnie braes
[Bobby's drum solo chimes in]
PJPeter, Jan, Cindy
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond
How are we supposed to practice?
You can hear these drums all the way to Loch Lomond.
Right now I wish Bobby was in the glee club.
I wish he was in Loch Lomond.
Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.
I am a little Sunflower; sunny, brave and true. From tiny bud to blossom, I do good deeds for you.
A necktie!?
Sure, Pete. When you're famous, you can't look like a slob.
Does that mean you have to wear clean socks, too?
[ignoring Bobby] There, now how do I look?
Like a slob with a tie!
A gentle reminder, my boy: your name is Brady, not Onassis.
[Greg has just received his driver's license and wants to buy a car of his own]
I don't have to be logical; I'm a mother.
Well, I think you're worrying prematurely because by the time Greg gets enough money for the kind of car he wants, the 1999 models are gonna be here.
Oh no, he wants to buy a car right now.
Look, he's only got $100, he's not gonna be satisfied with anything he can get for that.
Just $100?
Yes, and delusions of grandeur. What kind of a car could he get for $100?
[Cut to Greg's friend Eddie trying to sell him a beat-up 1956 Chevrolet Bel Air convertible, with a "FOR SALE LIKE NEW" sign on the windshield]
EEddie
She's a beauty, ain't she, Greg? I'm only selling her because I need a fast $100. You know, I got 5 or 6 guys just waiting to buy this baby, but it's such a good deal, I wanted a friend to have it first.
Thanks, Eddie. I appreciate that. There's an awful lot of chrome missing up and down here, and all these dents.
EEddie
What chrome missing? I've got it right here, you just straighten it out. As for these dents, take it to the auto shop at school, they'll pound them right out for you.
[Greg tries to open the door, it's stuck]
EEddie
So it sticks a little! When you own a convertible, you don't use doors, you just jump right in. [Jumps into the car] Sports car, right?
Right!
EEddie
But if you want to do it the regular way, it does work. [Kicks the door open with his foot] You see?
Eddie, look at this big hole in the backseat!
EEddie
What hole? A little rip. Just sew it up, only a dime for needle and thread. Listen to this horn. (Honks) The windshield wipers work, the radio...
Can I hear the engine?
EEddie
Sure, Purrs like a kitten. [Starts the engine, running at very loud noise and backfires, causing the car to vibrate] Runs a little rough until she warms up, then she's great!
Yeah, I can feel it.
EEddie
[Turns off the engine] The idle just needs to be adjusted. All this baby needs is a little bit of work.
Eddie, I don't know.
EEddie
Greg, for $100 and a little bit of work, you got yourself a car that's worth maybe $500.
Think all it will take is a little work?
EEddie
Positive. Tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna throw in a repair manual, absolutely free. With this, a 10-year-old could fix her up!
I told my Dad I'd let him look at anything I bought first.
EEddie
What time is it, Greg?
[Looks at his watch] It's 3.20. Why?
EEddie
Car's gonna be gone by the time you get your dad here. I got a guy coming in 10 minutes, and with him it's a sure sale. (Puts the "FOR SALE LIKE NEW" sign back on the windshield)
Eddie, I don't know.
EEddie
Greg, it's a great deal. Or would you rather wait 5 or 6 years for a set of wheels?
Greg [Describing Warren Mulaney to Marcia]: He's at the top of my crumb list! In fact, he's at the bottom of my crumb list, too. And he's every crumb in-between.
When are you going to grow up?
When I get older.
Peter [Impersonating Humphrey Bogart]: Porkchops and applesauce, that's swell!
One line. It's different with me. I'm a star.
[to Marcia] Well lah-de-dah!
What does that mean?
It means that Marcia's being a pain in the neck.
Oh, [to Marcia] well lah-de-dah!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.