Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Guys, guys, we all agree that Mrs. Beady's driving us crazy. So, Pig's just gonna have to throw her out.
Oh, not me, Otis. I'm not good at delivering bad news.
[Flashback to Pig as a singing telegram to a man's house.]
You've been fired from your job, so you can't pay the bills, and by the way, your wife is leaving too!
Aww...
Yoo-hoo! Look who's back! [Mr. Beady smiles, and gets up, about to hug her] And I brought a visitor. It's my mother!
[Otis enters, disguised as Mrs. Beady's mother.]
[sits back down] Yup. Things are about to get ugly.
You! I haven't seen you since you poisoned us last Thanksgiving! Turkey fondue? More like turkey fon-don't!
Lovely to see you too, dear. I didn't realize zombies could come out in the daylight.
And you look fabulous. I guess bloated is the new black.
[trying to feed Mr. Beady] Canary goes in the coal mine!
[fed up with his mother and Otis fighting over him] THAT'S IT! I'VE... HAD IT! OUT OF MY HOUSE, NOW!!!
But Nathan, you need your mama to take care of you!
I already got someone to take care of me! [points to Mrs. Beady] Her! The lesser of evils!
[whispers] Her name's Nora.
Right, Nora.
How'd you like me to put that flying saucer where the sun don't shine?!
You and what army?!
My five-fingered army!
Why don't you say that to the enda?! The end of my tentacle!
Ooh, I'm frightened. Frightened that your ugly is contagious!
Strong words from a back-planet-dwelling, oxygen-breathing, dual-chromosome descendant of anaerobic microbes!
I killed Rick Flag for you people!
No one ever told you to kill Flag.
Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could.
Funny, for you, how often "the only choice" and "killing people" coincides.
Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
You think I'm handsome?
I don’t care about the quality of the knife, as long as the blade is sharp.
Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them?
I don't know...
When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure?
[sighs] No...
Well, it does! [laughs] It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac?
Do you read the news?
No. What for? It's depressing.
Just remember, even if they end up being okay to "work with", they’re still not gonna be good friends. And none of them is the type to be a best friend!
Peacemaker, in my office. You sure your head is in this?
What?
You choked last night.
Are you kidding me? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you put a goddamn dove of peace on the sniper rifle! One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon.
That's bullshit and you know it!
You also told me to kill kids. You didn't say why! Yeah, okay, one was homely. That didn't make it better, it made it worse! I started to feel sorry for it.
Yeah, I may have pushed you too hard on that one.
I made a vow to have peace at any cost, no matter how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it. But I'm not fucking killing kids just because you say so!
You're sure that's all it is?
Yeah.
Good... 'cause right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.(Looks out at Vigilante) Well I guess him now, too.
Fuck it hurts to walk on!
You sure about that?
Yes. Why?
Vigilante's a bit, uh... (whistles).
You think that's something I wouldn't have noticed?
Yeah. Yeah, right. Ever since I had to team up with Matter-Eater Lad, my sense of what's normal is a little fucked up.
Batman doesn't kill people!
Because he's a pussy!
He's a dark creature of the night!
He's a jackass who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people! Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass to not kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck!
Shouldn't you kill him, then?
No! I'm not gonna kill my dad!
Why not?
Because I love him.
Oh!
Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower... not a shower.
What?
I don't mean like a dіck! I mean, like, a... a person, like, a guy, who you... like more as time goes on. An individual you don't like and then... you... you learn to like.
You're comparing yourself to a choad!
Not in a bad way!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
