[writing personal advertisement for the Farmer] Let's see now...Gloomy farmer seeking anyone with pulse. Hmm...We should hot it up a little.
Write he's rich. The ladies love cheddar.
And he got to have muscles!
[writing] Rich, beefcakey farmer.
Yes, but don't write farmer! Write [writing] exploding lion tamer.
Even more bulky! And write that he has a pony! [writing] Has a pony...
Okay, I will read it to you. Reflag 7-star number sign glare...Man, I wish we had fingers!
I can do it. [jumps on the keyboard] There, what do you think?
[reading] Wealthy, agricultural mogul with body of a Teutonic god wants to share his heart with you.
[Everybody likes it]
I can't believe no one's responded yet.
Now, now, Otis, you can't expect a miracle to just zoom up out of nowhere.
[The Farmer's date, Ivana Sugardaddy, arrives in her car.]
[looks up into the sky with his hands out] You can't expect a plate of boneless chicken to just drop out of nowhere! ...I'M WAITING!
Check it out. That's the sixth night in a row they've been out together.
And you know what that means.
Their next date is free with the purchase of a large soda?
No. It means that the Saturday night party train is pulling back into the station! All aboard!
[Otis turns the switch on, starting the party. He dances in a conga line with the other animals.]
Otis wants to part-ay! Abby likes to part-ay! Pig, he is so pork-ay! Ferret, he likes satay!
[All stuck in the chicken coop]
Gotta say, not too crazy about the new digs.
I don't know. I kind of like it. It gives the chance to really know each other, like the various meats of a hoagie.
[Otis watches a boxing film, eyes on the watch as he swings it left to right, and then hypnotizes himself]
Oh, watch. It's just you and me. And I'm not letting you out of my sight. Why would I? I mean you're so round and pretty and shiny and... [hypnotized] ...wavy
BC Boxing coach
Now listen up kid. You got to do exactly what I say.
BC Boxing coach
You've got Farmer on the ropes. He's ready to fall. When you hear the bell, destroy Farmer.
When I hear the bell, destroy farmer. DESTROY FARMER! [falls to sleep]
Uh, never say "cure" to a pig.
Farmer! I can't believe you're not butter! I promise I'll never fool with hypnotism again.
[freaked out] TALKING COW!
Maybe this one last time. [swings the watch in front of the farmer]
[hypnotized] Pretty watch...
Freddy! Peck! Where are you guys? Pig's gonna eat your breakfast!
Uh, oh... Actually, uh...
I'm worried, Otis. They've been out all night. I bet they're cold, and hungry, and have terrible morning breath.
Abby, tell us how you come by your amazing athletic talent.
Well, gosh, Duke. I grew up with 18 older brothers who used to clobber me all the time, then one day, I just kinda decided... THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! Is this on TV? Because I'm a little camera shy.
That's right! Run from the aliens! [laughs] Run before they suck out your brains and make smoothies with them!
Brain smoothies, huh? Do they use sherbert or frozen yogurt?
So, Bessy, I bet you're totally freaked out by these crop circles, huh?
Well, judging by the bits of cornstalk still stuck to your hooves, I say you made those crop circles.
And from the bruises on Pig, I say you probably rolled Pig around like a steamroller to do it. Am I right?
I got these bruises at a carnival.
And I bet he puked on Pip.
Did I? [Pip shudders, looking at Pig's filthy mouth, then runs away screaming] Wait! Come back! Did I?
I was born to pull ropes on cue.
I was born with this freckle.
When Bessie steps right on that spot, a rope will tighten around her ankle, then, she'll get spun around, squirted with lemon juice, and then, that basket of apples will fall all over her! [hysterical] Then, she'll get zipped out that window, AND SMASH INTO THE TREE, BEHIND THE OUTHOUSE! It's hilarious, even just talking about it. [laughs]
You've stopped sleeping, haven't you?
Yeah, it's been about three days.
[Bessy is seemingly about to have her brain harvested.]
Wait, wait, wait, don't do it! Please, she's our friend.
She's the love of my life. We're going to have beautiful cow-mouse babies together.
Hmm? [shakes her head] Mm-mm!
And she's a good person. I mean, sure, she yells a lot, and she insults me, like, 24/7, and snores like a sailor, and...
But we still like her is the point. I don't want to be on the farm without her.
? "Alien"
You convinced me! Your brain, it is!
Watch how a softer diffusion of light can completely change the--[the projector falls apart and crashes to the floor] Oh, that's the opposite of good.
Otis, what did you do?! You ruined the safety film!
[The animals cheer.]
[panics] NO SAFETY FILM?! NO SAFETY FILM?! WE'LL NEVER BE SAFE AGAIN!!!
[Freddy steps on a rake that smacks him in the face. He pulls on a rope, dropping a heavy hay bale on him. He stumbles out of the barn, then gets trampled by a herd of elephants.]
Okay, here's the deal. I have one parachute, but I figure, if we all--[Freddy snatches the parachute from him]
So long, suckers! [leaps out the barn, but is spun around the tornado screaming; then he is thrown back into the barn, smashing through a beam] A little help, suckers?
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