Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Meanwhile, it's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up.
Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration?
[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]
You're right. Five-minute head start.
Five minutes? Are you kidding?!
Four minutes, fifty seconds.
[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]
Mwah.
[Last lines of the series]
[on the cell phone to his wife] I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too.
These are the end times.
[to Batman] A head start? You're getting soft in your old age.
[smiling] Don't you have a tall building to go leap?
And the adventure continues.
Back off! Was there a plan here?
Take out the small fry until we attract the big fish's attention.
Ha! With everything going on, I'll bet he never notices us.
You're on.
I'll take some of that action.
I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go.
You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay!
Unlikely. [blows Luthor away] I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own.
Funny. That's not how I remember it.
Allow me to refresh your memory. [Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]
I have to go help.
I know.
Find shelter. I'll be back as soon as I can.
Blue Devil got me close enough to get a good look. Those big burrowing machines are magma tappers.
At least now we know what they're trying to do. The invaders are setting up drilling machines to tap the heat at the Earth's core.
They're trying to create fire pits. If they succeed, it's apocalypse on Earth.
They won't succeed. Your primary targets are those drills. Destroy them at all costs.
You heard the man. Rock and roll. Looks like the main power coupling. Cover my backside.
Get out of here. It's gonna blow! Yeah!
We gotta find a way to take this out for good.
Why don't you just throw it into the sun? Yeah, I guess that was a pretty stupid idea.
No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage, and a trench.
On it. Now what? Oh, cool.
Doesn't look like it quite made escape velocity.
Nope. Good effort, though.
And when the farmer comes back, delicious turnip birthday cake. [laughs]
Pig, there is no Turnip Con.
Ah, gotcha. But the Slop Fairy is real, right?
[Everyone gives Pig a look of disapproval. Pig is devastated.]
NOOOOOOOOO..!!!
He seems nice...or, wait, not nice. What's the word? It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yes, dangerously insane!
Let me get this straight. You get rid of the farmer, end up bringing that beady-eyed little dirtbag into the barnyard, and you still expect us to throw you a huge party?
Pretty much.
I'll go with that.
[The animals investigate the new machine the farmer got]
The Quick Fryer Mark IV. Hmm.
That's a weird name for a stereo.
Now, now, now, watch and learn, okay? The CDs go in here. [opens the lid] Then you crank up the volume right here. [turns a knob, causing flames to erupt from the machine]
And then, you run away and scream.
[They do just that]
AAAAH!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
Okay, so, not a sound system.
[sniffs] Mmm! Something smells scrumptious! [realizing] I mean, disturbing! I knew that thing was evil! E-e-e-evil!
Stop that.
Otis, whether we wanna admit it or not, the farmer has purchased-- a barbecue grill.
[The animals murmur with concern]
Barbecue grill?
Yay, I love kebabs! [Bessy looks at him] Sorry.
I love kebabs too, but not if I know the kebab-ee.
The farmer is a total vegan, guys.
Vegan, my rump! You know what I heard? I heard he ate an entire village down in Mexico.
'Kay, pretty sure that's not true. The farmer absolutely has no interest in meat whatsoever.
Here comes the carnivore!
This is horrible! My dearest friends are gonna be barbecued! [sobs] Mmm, mmmmmmmm. I mean... [sobs]
I'm too young to be eaten. Too young!
Dude, get a grip. You're a dog. The farmer's not going to eat you.
What, you're saying I wouldn't be nice with some low-fat chips and a nice cherry cola?
Alright, enough with the chips and the cola! This is crazy talk, people, come on! Even if the Farmer came in and dipped us in seasonings, I still wouldn't believe it.
Captain Cold Cuts, two o'clock!
[After the farmer leaves with Joey, a calf, in a bucket, after pouring olive oil and garlic salt on him.]
He's marinating Joey in olive oil! I would've used teriyaki and a chicken or a Cornish game hen, but that's if I craved flesh! Which I don't!
[glares at his cream cheese statue] How can I look you in the raisin eyes again? [smacks the statue across the barn]
[runs past Otis] Ooh! I got dibs!
Everyone, the farmer has betrayed us. So pack your things. We're leaving the barnyard, forever!
Hey, who's got bagels?
We're ready to go, Otis!
Has the escape pod been built to my exact specifications?
Yeah, listen, we couldn't get an escape pod, so we had to go a little more low-tech.
[The animals have built a hot-air balloon]
Okay. So, no warp drive?
Uh, no.
Thrusters?
Uh-uh.
Air brakes?
No.
Doors?
Negative.
Is there a floor?
Uh, define floor.
Alright, well, uh, we got hot air. That's a thing, right? Where do we get that?
You don't wanna know.
[The source of the hot air comes from the outhouse, where Pig comes out]
My work here is done.
[The hot air balloon has crashed through the roof of the barn, leaving a hole in it.]
Dang termites. Always chewing on some dang thing.
[watching the animals' hot air balloon] Nathan Randall, are we insured by damage caused by flying barnyard animals?
[groans] Got a postcard from your brain today. It's having a wonderful time.
Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha. Make fun of me. Well, I'll tell you something, mister. [continues faintly] Mister, mister, sister.
[groans] Somebody just take me out. Take me out.
Did I get a postcard?
[to Abby, about Otis] He's still upset about the Farmer. You know how it is when a friend tries to barbecue you.
[Otis imagines the Farmer in a flaming barbecue grill as a devil's head wearing a chef's hat.]
How do you like your friends, Otis? Grilled or HONEY ROASTED?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
