Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Anthony returns from measuring for carpet at a nudist colony.]
Let me tell y'all. If you thought it was tough going standing up, you should try it at knee level — talk about trying to keep your eyes on one place. By the way, they want you to replace those burlap bar stools — it seems a couple of people got rope burn.
[Anthony prepares to take Julia and Suzanne's nieces — who are just like them — to the airport.]
Anthony, do you suppose we could stop at a drug store on the way? I need to get some blush-on with some little sparkly stuff in it.
We are NOT stopping. If you want red cheeks, why don't I just slap them for you?
They've got a hold of Charlene and they're not letting go. This is not a business organization, it's some kind of cult. Some kind of perky cult. Let's face it. Charlene's been kidnapped by the Junies.
No offense, Julia, but if this Libby person is as bad as you say, you are way out of your league. I know these kind of women. They'll kiss you and call you honey and slop sugar all over you while all the time they're just thinking about themselves. I mean, that terminator stuff doesn't work with them. You gotta fight sugar with sugar. They'll find that's a job for professionals.
We've been here 15 minutes and they've given out about 50 awards — I've got a spooky feeling I might win one.
No, Suzanne, we do not think that is silly. The idea of a nice college homecoming queen ceremony, where you yourself would be rooting for a 30 year old black man, seems not only logical, but very dignified.
[Suzanne says she doesn't want to date a blind man.]
We're talkin' about a millionaire who spends his weekends with under-privileged kids. I mean, we're talkin' about a Phi Beta Kappa from Vanderbilt who still knows why Hee-Haw is funny. I mean, men like that are just not walking the streets.
Well, that's good. Because men like that would be bumping into each other.
Oh, it was just one of Charlene's brothers again. What's his name there? Odell. He's probably just wanting to catch her up on the hillbilly news, like they got 'em a new scarecrow or something like that.
You know, Suzanne, I don't like that word "hillbilly." Just because Charlene comes from a big family and they live on a farm, doesn't mean they sit around like Mammy and Pappy Yokum, smokin' corn cob pipes and drinkin' moonshine.
Well, I'm sorry Julia, but I don't think it's in good taste to have that many children. Unless of course, you're Mormon.
What does that have to do with it?
I don't know, they just seem to handle it better. They form those singin' groups, stuff like that.
Oh, for Pete's sake. Every time you two get a little cranky, you start going on these man bashing jags, you know? "Men are the cause of all trouble in the world. Men invented high heels and cheap panty hose." I bet you next thing you know, you'll be accusing them of that whatchamacallit, that PMS envy.
PMS envy? I swear, somebody from the Geraldo Rivera show ought to follow you around with a tape recorder.
[Discussing Charlene's little brother:]
Let me get this straight. He's never had a girlfriend, he knits sweaters and he works at the beauty shop?
Well, he goes to Three Rivers Junior College, too. What are you gettin' at?
Well, I don't mean to get personal Charlene, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe Odell is involved in some homosexual activity?
Suzanne! I mean, just because a person is sensitive and artistic doesn't mean he's gay. Not that that would matter to me anyway.
Well I think he sounds like an interesting and talented young man.
I think he sounds like a woman.
Bear in mind that this comes from the lips of a woman who thought there was a patron saint for homosexuals named, "Saint Francis of a Sissy."
[After Julia returns from a fashion show where her dress got caught up in her pantyhose:]
I can't believe that all my life, I've tried to create some semblance of grace and style. Now I'm going to be remembered as that woman...
... who mooned Atlanta.
[Charlene and Mary Jo relate an embarrassing story to try to cheer Julia up.]
Suzanne, don't you have a most humiliating story to tell?
Yes, I do. My most humiliating moment... was when Julia mooned 1200 people.
Women are always getting a bad rap for wanting men to make money. But there is an absolute, bona-fide scientific reason for it. Haven't you all heard of Darwin?
You mean Darwin Sanders who used to take care of our yard?
No, silly, Charles Darwin. Don't you read?
Yes, Suzanne. Yes, I do. But you don't, so I thought — well — go on.
[Charlene shows up for work with big news — so excited that she can barely speak.]
Good morning, Charlene. Mary Jo says you have some news for us.
[Charlene screams with elation under her breath.]
Must be good news!
Charlene, if this is something stupid like Pam Ewing's coming back to Dallas, I don't want to hear it.
I'm getting married!!
You're getting married?!!
I didn't tell them! It just about killed me, but I didn't.
When did this happen?
Friday night. I told Mary Jo already, but I couldn't get ahold of you, and I wanted to tell you all in one big swoop....I'm getting married!!
I'm so happy for you!
[Meanwhile, Suzanne has been inspecting Charlene's engagement ring with her jewelers loupe.]
Oh, nice job, Charlene! Now....who're you marrying?
annoyed Bill!!
Suzanne....
Well, I thought so, but y'know it never hurts to ask.
[Mary Jo drags Julia to a keg party for moral support as she breaks off with her younger boyfriend, Kenny. As Julia returns from the powder room she runs into Kenny.]
Mrs. Sugarbaker! How 'bout you and I going out sometime? I bet I could pick up a thing or two from you.
Well, I doubt that, Kenny. But I might be able to offer you one piece of wisdom.
Oh yeah? What's that?
I believe that you will find as years go by, and you get older and wiser, traversing life's little ups and downs, that underwear probably really doesn't make all that good of a hat.(turning to Mary Jo and speaking loudly to be heard over the music) The powder room isn't really functional now. The keg is in the bathtub and it seems the tap is slow. This is a source of some concern for all the young men in there because they are trying to fill Craig's funnel. Craig, it seems, drinks his beer out of a funnel.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
