What is the one thing I taught you?
"Death begins in the colon"?
Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
What is the one thing I taught you?
"Death begins in the colon"?
I'm going to ask Fran to sign a pre-nuptial agreement.
Why don't you just walk around downtown Iraq dressed as Uncle Sam? It'd be quicker.
Good night, Piles.
Niles.
You say tomato...
You know something, lady? You're just a pale imitation of the C.C. Babcock I know. You're not half the man she is.
I have not waited around five years for some little shiksa to come in and ruin my wedding.
Oh, thank you, Niles. You know, you could be Ma if it weren't for the whiskers. Although.
If you leave, I'm gonna throw myself in the Hudson River.
Ma, flooding New Jersey is not gonna solve anything.
I can't believe it in just 24 hours from now I'll be holding Mrs. Sheffield in my arms. are you as happy I am?
This is the happiest day of my life. Congratulations, sir.
Thank you, Niles.
Hey, what about me I'm the woman who's making you the happiest man in the world.
Ms. Fine, Congratulations.
Wait what's the suitcase for? Wait a minute I know, if we elope now, the sooner we get to our wedding night.
Excuse me, you made me wait 5 years, and now all of a sudden because you're in the mood, you think that I'm gonna come to you just like that (snaps fingers)? Come to mama!
So what you're so excited you're packed for our honeymoon already
Oh sweetie I'm a Jewish woman going on a two-month cruise do you really think this is all the clothes I'm going to need?
Yes
Oh, Oh Honey. oh I wish I could stay but I gotta go to ma's
What?!
Yea you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride 24 hours before the Ceremony
But sweetheart we have the house all to ourselves
oh i know but no no sweetie oh. (Her watch beeps) Gotta go.
What?
Yep that was a warning we only have 2 minutes left.
I can do it in 2 minutes
you can?
well darling it has been 5 years
I think you'd really like her, Sarah.
I do, Max. Why do you think I sent her to you?
You sent her to me. And you heard her speak?
I thought she had a cold.
[On the phone with a stranded Fran] Honey, it's a beautiful story. My heart goes out to you but I got one tow truck and a wedding is not an emergency... You're how old?... I'll send a chopper.
What do you mean: "The wedding is over"?
Jocelyn and Lester are getting a divorce.
What's that got to do with us?
Their marriage didn't work because they're from two different worlds just like us. I mean you're the sophisticated classy Jocelyn, and I'm Lester, the poor schlub who worked for you.
Oh, come on darling, you never really worked.
Ms. Babcock. [Offers her a drink]
Thank you, Niles, but, you know, I'm not supposed to [Gulps it down] do that.
How many times have you not done that tonight?
About eight. Niles, now that Maxwell's taken, my life is over.
Ms. Babcock, you always underestimate yourself. You have a lot to offer a man. You're witty, you're sophisticated, you're beautiful, you're sexy...
How many times have you done that tonight?
About twelve.
You blew into our lives five years ago like a whirlwind; made us all feel alive again. For that alone, I'll love you forever.
Fran Oh I can't believe I'm kissing a married man.
Mr. Sheffield How'd you like to join one in the bedroom?.
[With a hangover] I had so much to drink at the reception. I had the strangest nightmare that Santa Claus was trying to have his way with me.
[C.C. enters with a hangover dressed in red]
Oh my God.
We didn't, did we?
I'm not sure. Say "Ho ho ho".
No one can ever know that this might possibly have happened.
Well, it ain't going on my resume.
Mr. Sheffield Oh My darling I've waited so long for this moment
Fran Oh you've waited so long, Oh Oh Maxwell
Mr. Sheffield Oh my god
Fran Ohhhh
Mr. Sheffield Ow something bit me
Fran Sorry, now order me around some more.
Mr. Sheffield No sweetheart I'm serious something just bit me
Fran Sweetie I'm lying on a starfish and I'm not complaining, it's nothing sweetie don't panic it's just a little bite.
Mr. Sheffield Darling half my body's going num
Fran Witch half?
Mr. Sheffield The lower half
Fran Noooo
Mr. Sheffield Sweetheart sweetheart I'm dying
fran Oh I'm going, Honey how will i know where the bite is, oh it's ok it's not so bad.
Mr. Sheffield Remember sweetheart don't swallow it could kill you
You mean my mother was right?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.