So, you want to transfer me?
Honestly, Raylan, I don't know who would take you.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You're very funny. That's good stuff.
LMLoretta MacCready
Is this gonna be your new line? How we got the same sense of humor? What's in your mind? How do you think this is gonna go? You thinking, "maybe we'll fight a little, then it'll turn to wrestling and tickling and laughing, then she'll say, 'ooh, don't touch me there,' and then she won't stop me"? Is that how it runs in your head? You don't even know what to say now, do you? Even me talking about wrestling and tickling and "ooh, don't touch me there," it's like a spell's been cast, and you won't break it. Well, maybe you're just dreaming and you don't wanna wake up. [Loretta slaps Dean hard across the face] Well, wake up!
Woah woah, okay. I'm just gonna ask you one question. Do you know how a firearm works?
What?
The key word in firearm is "fire." When the pin hits the cap, makes the charge explode, meaning there's a spark, which should be of some concern to a man soaked in gasoline.
That's bullshit. That spark's too far away from the gasoline.
You didn't finish school, did you, Mr. Dean? It's not the liquid that burns. It's the fumes. Now, look. Now look, normally I would have just shot you myself the second you pulled, but I am doing my level best to avoid the paper work and the self-recrimination that comes with it, though Lord knows that you are the kind that makes it worth it more. Come on, Jimmy, can't we just try to end this without you turning yourself into the Human Torch?
[after poisoning Walt] Oh, this is the bad part, but it doesn't last long. Mixture's all natural, from up in the hills. All kinds of knowledge up in the hills. Something my grandmama taught me. She learned it from her grandmama.
WMWalt MacCready
Loretta?
I'll raise her myself. Don't you think that'll be better for her? Then the way it's been around here with you and your sadness. All the troubles of your hard life, it's all gone now. You get to know the mystery, Walt. You get to see your Sally Ann again.
My outlaw ways are behind me.
Just you saying that scares the shit out of me.
You kicked the man out of the house? He's under house arrest.
I hope you get cancer!
Already had it!
I hope you get it again!
[to Glenn Cosgrove] Glenn, we got it. You you knocked up an inmate, you hired someone to murder her and sell your child. Now shut the hell up, or Tim's gonna hit you in the face.
Hell of a shot. Did you consider what might have happened if you'd missed?
I can't carry a tune. I don't know how to shoot a basketball and my handwriting is, uh, barely legible. But I don't miss.
I saw a man threaten to shoot a pregnant woman through the belly, just before a bullet went through his brain so... I guess you could say, it wasn't good.
I can handle that, Raylan. I can't handle silence.
So, you were out with somebody, and Tim happened to be there.
Could we not?
Just suppose it could be Rachel. Are you sleeping with Rachel?
No.
I don't guess Ava's looking to spend time with you. And I think I would remember if it was me.
You done?
Unless, of course, you roofied me. Did you roofie me, Raylan?
Goodbye, Art.
You know, Boyd... for a guy who supposedly changed, you sound an awful lot like you always did.
[to Boyd] I know you think I'm stupid, Boyd, but...[long beat] I ain't.
I was wondering if back when we were digging coal together that you had an inkling of the man that I might someday become.
You mean just 40 and still single?
[to Dickie and Coover] You have any idea the federal shitstorm we'd bring down if we killed a marshal? We're talking black hawk-helicopter time. Jesus. I don't want either of you two doing shit or even contemplating doing shit until you run it by someone who can think.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.