Hello, Mrs. Morgendorffer, this is Angela Li, principal of Lawndale High.
Yes, Ms. Li, how may I help you?
[over the telephone] Mrs. Morgendorfer, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news. Your daughter Daria appears to have been involved in an act of vandalism.
Mrs. Morgendoffer, your daughter collaborated with Jane Lane in the creation of a poster for our art contest.
We found part of the poster unacceptable. So it was altered prior to it's entry. Unfortunatley someone defaced the poster while it was on display and since your daughter and Miss Lane were objecting to changing it, I must assume that they were the vandals. I'm going to have to take drastic action.
Wait a moment. You're saying the girls were against changing the poster but entered it into the contest anyway?
I was under the impression that participation in this contest was voluntary.
Yes, but your daughter refused to volunteer, so in her case I made it mandatory.
All right, Ms. Li, let me make sure I have this straight. You took my daughter's poster from her, altered its content, exhibited it against her will, and are now threatening discipline because you claim she defaced her own property, which you admit to stealing?
[flustered] That's not what I said at all!
Ms. Li, are you familiar with the phrase "violation of civil liberties"?
And the phrase "big fat lawsuit"?
I mean, just because you dump a guy for his older, cuter brother, does that give him the right to hold a grudge?
You know, if I knew we were going to be running around in the dirt, I wouldn't have worn my good sneakers.
Will you quiet down? I think I see something. [leaves]
Hey Quinn, is that your cousin? [Points her finger at Sandi]
[Quinn fires the paintballs at Sandi] Ow!
[Sandi fires paintballs at both Quinn, Stacy and Tiffany]
[All of them fire at each other until they give up where Sandi takes off the helmet and the goggles]
Sandi? What are you doing here?
I was looking for the bathroom and all of a sudden you started shooting at me. I thought we promised not to do that!
I would never fire at you, Sandi. I didn't recognize you with your goggles.
Yeah, why are you wearing them, anyway? They're so ugly.
Because those are the rules.
Well, some rules were meant to be broken, like wearing red lipstick with an orange top.
Or black mascara with blond hair.
Besides, you fired on us when you were already hit, and that's against the rules, too.
Gee, if everyone's on Quinn's side, maybe Quinn should be president of the Fashion Club.
Don't be silly. I would never try to be president, as long as you were around.
Sure. I mean, do you really think I could replace you?
I'm glad to see you take such an interest in your daughters, Mrs. Morgendorffer.
Well, it isn't easy raising two teenagers all by yourself... with Jake.
Of course, I like to think the school environment also plays a pivotal role.
Absolutely. Although it would be nice if the students got a little more encouragement. Maybe a bright kid like Daria would have a better attitude. [Ms. Li laughs] Did I say something funny?
With all due respect, I can't think of a prison that could create an attitude like your daughter's, much less a school. No, I always assumed that came from interaction with her parents, or lack of it.
Oh, so you draw a distinction between prison and school? Because from what I've heard, you run the one pretty much like the other.
Ms. Li (offended): I don't have to listen to this!
Ms. Li (as she leaves the tent): And by the way, you look 50! (Helen's face falls in horror)
Hey! It's my daughter the genius.
Our own academic achiever.
We're all so proud of you. Aren't we, Daria?
Sure, if you mean proud as in "stunned."
Mom, Dad, making you happy is the greatest reward I could ask for. Of course, when other kids get a good grade, they sometimes get, like, a little present.
Now, Quinn, I really think...
[Interrupts] I'll handle this. You're absolutely right, sweetheart. You got an A, you should be rewarded. Here you go!
Wait, isn't that a double standard?
You just gave her a twenty for getting one A. What about all the As I get for free?
Yeah, but this is a special occasion, so Quinn gets a special reward; It's a motivational thing.
But won't that demotivate your other daughter whose work is consistently good?
Yes, Jake, where are you going with this?
I wasn't finished. Daria should have a consistent reward for her consistently good work.
And Quinn should have a special one time reward for her one time effort.
But what about a higher reward for maintaining a standard of excellence over time, perhaps with compound interest?
[passes his wallet] Here, just take it! Helen, I told you I was no good at this parenting crap!
Listen to this. "Like a hamster on one of those wheel things, school runs us around and around until we yearn for the food pellet. But only more homework awaits." You know, it's like she read my mind.
Right after you suffered a severe blow to the head.
[comes in] Could you put that away? They're everywhere.
What are you doing here? Bomb scare at your table?
Keep it down, okay? I'm trying to keep a low profile since the paper came out.
Lucky for you, the Pulitzer committee has already finished eating.
You must be very excited about what people are calling you.
Come on, because of one little essay?
It's a slippery slope. Behold, the future.
[Gestures to a table of geeks, one of whom is blowing milk out of his nose and making everybody else laugh]
Last week, they were trying out for football, then they won one debate tournament.
What am I gonna do? I can't be a brain! My friends will hate me!
Yes, but just think of all the new friends you'll make in Chess Club.
Maybe I can steal all the newspapers before anyone else reads them.
Hey, wait a minute, "Brains." You don't even have lunch this period, do you?
Of course not! I cut Science so I can talk to you. You think I'd sit with you while my grade is at lunch?
About that being mistaken for a brain thing? I wouldn't worry too much about it.
[giving her car keys to the valet] I don't mind a few dents, but change the radio station and you're a dead man.
RRita
Amy, how delightful. I thought you weren't coming.
I wasn't, but I thought if you two could put aside years of bitterness and resentment, then so can I... for a day.
RRita
Oh, Amy, why do you say such ridiculous things?
Out loud? So, Jake. You're still with Helen, huh? Shows remarkable fortitude. And Roger. How's the skydiving going?
Amy, Roger passed away. This is Paul.
RRita
Oh. Sorry Paul. How do you do?
And he was one of the lucky ones.
Hey, what's the point of a senseless tragedy if you can't find a little humor in it? I like the way you think, Daria.
RRita
Now, Amy, I don't know where we're going to seat you... [leads Amy into building]
I need a drink. [Jake laughs] Why are you laughing? [Jake's laughter dies as he follows Helen inside]
Wow, Aunt Amy's really weird.
[dark clouds roll in, thunder rumbles]
[in the bathroom]
Hmm. I thought when I hit thirty I would stop feeling out of place at these things.
You didn't notice my sisters are so busy competing with each other that I don't even register on their radar?
Yeah, but I just figured you were above all that. I mean, you're kind of...
I know, you can't say that to me. Law of the teenagers.
Thank you for respecting it.
When I was a kid, with Helen and Rita going at it all the time, all they left for me to do was to supply the color commentary. Then, one day, I found myself all grown up with my own point of view, and feeling no particular obligation to listen to anyone else's B.S. Ever.
So it actually worked out pretty well.
Unless I have to see my sisters at a wedding, yeah. Sarcasm. It's a great way to deal. [puts on round glasses similar to Daria's] But, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
[a home video is playing on TV: Daria as a young child and Quinn as a toddler are seated at a table wearing party hats, each seated on on either side of a birthday cake with three candles; when Daria goes to blow out the candles, Quinn blows them out first]
Hey! You're ruining my birthday cake!
[in the living room, Daria and Quinn are seated on one sofa, Jake on another, watching the video]
If only that were all she ruined.
[on the video, a long-haired Helen enters the frame]
HOHelen on the Video
Oh, Daria, she's just a baby. She wants to play, too!
[in the living room]
Why can't I be an only child?
[on the video, Quinn starts to dance and Daria shuts down]
Is that my movie? Can I see?
Sorry, but that would interfere with the creative process.
See, we're like artists, and this is how we express ourselves. You understand.
I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything. Not that I would.
I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.
I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi and Stacy, and Tiffany and suddenly I'm outside of myself watching, and it's like, who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys and clothes and cars but then what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff and you're good at your little paintings.
They are minuscule, aren't they?
I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but you know, it's what I can do. [leaves]
[club pages have been cut from the yearbook] But you can't be serious about this!
Aha! It's that boy! So it's about love, is it?
Alright, keep it your secret to cherish always, but just because you're going out -
Ted and I are *not* going out!
Whatever! Just tell loverboy we want our yearbook back!
Did you hear that? You just used the verb "want" with the noun "book."
Save the math games for your boyfriend.
[Daria and Ted walk up to a virtual 3D simulator]
AAttendant
Which do you want? Castle scenario, underwater paradise, futuristic dystopia?
TTed
I guess the castle one.
AAttendant
Okey-doke, boss.
[Daria and Ted each step onto the pads and slip a pair of VR goggles on; the view shifts to the inside of the game, a TRON-like environment where both Ted and Daria are dressed in suits of armor]
It's too much, right? I feel a little sick myself.
[Ted looks around in awe]
TTed
It's not really representative of medieval society, but I have to say this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life!
[outside, Robert and friends approach the attendant]
RRobert
Uh, those are some friends of ours. Can we join in?
[inside the VR game]
Good. I need to sit down.
[Robert and his two friends appear in the game]
RRobert
Not so fast, weirdoes.
RRobert
That's Sir Robert, Darcy.
Daria. [Robert and friends charge and Ted steps in, easily beating all three back with his sword] Ted? Wow.
TTed
I taught myself from the eleventh-century manuscript on swordplay. It's easy.
RRobert
No way. I'm not going out like this. Come on! [runs away after his friends]
TTed
Let's go, Daria. We can catch them!
This is making me nauseous. You go ahead. [Ted chases Robert as Daria removes the helmet] Ah[sits down on a bench and later she walks up to where Ted and the others are still playing] Ted, they're gonna close up pretty soon.
TTed
They'll have to pull the plug, then. We still have a lot of fight left. Right, men?
[Daria exits, leaving Ted and the other guys to continue playing]
So, Jodie, do you belong to any clubs?
You don't have to answer that.
I'm president of the French Club, vice president of Student Council, editor of yearbook, and I'm also on the tennis team.
Daria, why aren't you on the tennis team?
Because it's classified as a sport.
Speaking of sports, Jodie, do you know Kevin Thompson? He and Daria did a science project together.
Oh, sure. Kevin's great... [softly to Daria] ...at smashing beer cans with his head.
I don't know why Daria doesn't hang around with him and his gang more.
For the same reason I don't sleep with my head packed in ice.
Yeah, his name's Michael. But everyone calls him Mack.
Should we go to the main building, or just apply for jobs in the stables?
