Guys! We got more holiday cards!
[disappointed] Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
Why can't we take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from Rocko's Modern Life]
You didn't enjoy "Rocko, Paper, Scissors"?
I liked that show. The main guy was always like… [imitating Rocko's voice] "Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he." [normally] Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
I just want one perfect holiday photo.
[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in medical scrubs]
[bitter with jealousy] So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
I thought it was a necklace.
Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
OHOrange-haired Kid
Wow, a real-life hero! [offers Paper to sign his autograph] How can I be a doctor one day?
I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
That's literally all he did!
Let's ask why this upsets you.
Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. [points to Paper] And he's not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!
[grumbles annoyingly] I'm gonna get more respect than you, Paper. And I know someone's society respects even more than doctors. [walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]
A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
BOBowling Owner
[sighs] It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]
[to Scissors] Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! [laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him] Man, these deals make me a maniac.
I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.
[disappointed] I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. [hands him a letter]
[reads the letter] "Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!" [later cut to him talking to a therapist] I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! [lightning bolts flash behind him once again]
TTherapist
And where do you think that comes from?
[starts crying] I don't know!
[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]
CCreepo
I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. [hisses at a car that just passed him] I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! [holds up a jar of his chest hair]
DDave
Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
[enters the trio's apartment] I heard you guys got Stephernie. I got Stephernie!
How? How do you see that?
Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. [he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]
[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]
[answers the door] Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. [gasps] Oh, no. Secret's out.
[noticing something] Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is not a Stephernie! [the others gasp in shock] No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.
I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. [to Sandpaper] What's Stephernie's last name?!
Good. [to Baron Von Snootsberg] Walk like Stephernie! [Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey] Good. [to Female Robot Executive] In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
FRFemale Robot Executive
Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
[Paper sighs in relief]
That's exactly what she said.
[nervously] Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… [everyone looks at him, suspicious] in a Stephernie way. [walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]
FRFemale Robot Executive
Yes, that checks out.
[on the phone with Paper] You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth] You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything] Not a Stephernie, huh?
[pleading for mercy] I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
[kneels down] Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
Seriously, what is this show?
It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. [Logan gets up and walks away] The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... [throws some things which are deadly and screams] Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? [drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing] No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]
[rapping] When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper-
RSRock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou
No.
