How come no one's yelling at me?
JJim
You know how bad you screwed up, right?
Yes.
JJim
Is there anyone who feels worse than you do?
No.
JJim
Then I doubt it'll ever happen again.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You're going on a date with a cheerleader?
Not a high school cheerleader, a professional cheerleader.
That doesn't make it better!
Can I help you?
She's a student!
A graduate student.
In philosophy?
Physical therapy.
There are better ways to get back at me.
I'll put up a suggestion box.
Can I warn you about something? You're a rich and famous person, and for that reason only, she may want to sleep with you.
That didn't sound like something that should come with a warning, that sounded like something that should come with balloons.
... I loathe you right now.
You have ink on your face.
I WORK WITH PENS!
Get a grip!
I know.
[After meeting Will's second date for the first time] Spinning instructor?
Chief of neurology at Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital. That would make her a brain surgeon...literally, a brain surgeon.
[Pauses] That's not hard to beat.
Does anyone mind if I start drinking a lot of bourbon right now and a little later, put my fist through his head?
I think you've had enough bourbon for one lifetime!
Not for my lifetime.
BBrad
Ms. Lansing, I think the best analogy I can use is Rocky II.
[Incredulously] Are you sure the best analogy you can use is Rocky II?
BBrad
Ms. Lansing, Rocky was a lefty-
Rocky was... Political?
BBrad
Rocky was left-handed and for his re-match with Apollo Creed, Burgess Meredith had him train as a righty. Rocky goes round after round with Apollo Creed as a righty until Burgess Meredith shouts 'Now' and Rocky swings with his left.
[Frustrated, confused] What the fuck are you talking about?
BBrad
Ms. Lansing, all I'm saying is that Mackenzie MacHale shouted 'Now' and Will started swinging away.
[Laughingly] Reese! Please, leave Mac out of this, I'm Burgess Meredith I shouted 'Now' [drunkenly slurs an imitation of 'Mickey' from Rocky II] This guy, he don't just wanna beat-cha, he wants to murder ya! [Normal tone] That was my best Burgess Meredith impression.
[Angrily] Is there something funny about all this?
Yeah! We've been talking about Rocky II!
We did the news.
For the left.
For the center.
Are you fucking out of your mind–?!
For the center, Leona! Facts... are the center. Facts. We don't pretend that certain facts are in dispute to give the appearance of fairness to people who don't believe them. Balance is irrelevant to me. It has nothing to do with the truth, logic, or reality. He didn't go on the air telling people to give peace a chance, but evolution? The jury's back on that one.
Every two years we drive to a fire station and overthrow the government, and there isn’t a policeman in the street.
NNina
Now you seem lonely and broken to me.
I do?
NNina
But don't worry I can fix you.
Well, if there's one thing a man likes it's a woman who tries to fix him.
Honey are you saying the United States of America is getting out-lawyered?
Don't call him honey it makes me crazy. I didn't say that, it came out of my mouth... just...words.
I'm a registered Republican - I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure, and not gay marriage.
I was rejecting a pass from her while trying to talk her out of what they call at TMI a 'take-down piece' of one of the desperate housewives of New Jersey.
Real Housewives.
Who gives a shit.
Definitely not me.
And the tuxedo's off the rack.
Did you grope her?
No! I-I-I-- I gently touched her to block her as she was coming in for a kiss. I blocked her. I was the victim of an unwanted sexual advance. But more important, I was fighting the good fight.
Why were you fighting any fight?
I was trying to get her to not write the take-down piece.
Why?
Why?
Yeah.
I'll tell you why. Because I'm on a mission to civilize.
How's it going so far?
Progress is slow, but I'm in it for the long haul.
You want Publicity to draft a statement?
About the mission?
The Page Six piece.
Absolutely not.
Good.
What did you call me up here for?
Mostly to laugh at you.
Back in 15 seconds Will, try not to date anyone before you're on the air.
Copy, Mac, try not to sleep with your ex-boyfriend while I am.
[to self] He got the better of that exchange.
Every second you're not current a thousand people are changing the channel to the guy who is. That's the business you're in. MSNBC, FOX and CNN all say she's dead. Don, tell him. Don!
It's a person. A doctor pronounces her dead, not the news.
HHerb
And we're back in 3...2... ...
[after a few moments] Here's what we know so far:
[Charlie, Mac, and Don all leave the studio, looking satisfied, Reese looks furious]
Mac, get in here with Charlie right now.
Is everything-
Right now! [points to Charlie as he enters] You tell Leona that if she wants me out of this chair, she better bring more than just a couple of guys.
That's exactly what I'll fucking tell her!
I'm not fucking around, Charlie!!!
Feet of fucking steel!
Mac-
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
I fucked everything up!
It's gonna be all right.
[entering the room] What the fuck is going on?!
You're a fucking newsman, Don! I ever tell you otherwise, you punch me in the face!!!
[considers this for a moment] Okay, but you're back in 30.
I'm about to have my Broadcast News moment. There are at least nine things between here and the control room I can trip over.
JJim
It's 2011. We don't move film manually anymore.
CCorey
You're gonna have to move this manually.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.