No-one who pwonounces R's like me has ever become successful.
There's Roy Jenkins and Jonathan Ross.
Exactly!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Give me a lift home will you Boyce?
Yeah me too Boycie.
Oh yes of course I'm running a bleedin' minicab service these days, ain't I?
I turned to crime. [Del and friends look at each other] I got involved in that diamond-smuggling caper. [Del and friends slowly start walking to the door whilst Slater speaks] And as I, of all people, should know, I got collared. [He stands up and approaches Del and friends, who return to the wall they were at earlier; loudly] I spent three and a half years in a ten foot by six foot prison cell, trying to work out where I'd gone wrong in life. [sits down; melodramatically] Whilst in prison, I found Jesus!
[not impressed] What had they fitted him up with?
To be more precise, Jesus found me...[sadly]was around about the time I got a message...to say...my old man had...passed away.
[softly] I know, Roy. I went to his funeral.
Thanks, Del. I wish I could have gone.
Why didn't you?
Probably because he didn't have a black suit and a bloody big ladder! He was in nick, Trig!
Yeah, but I thought they let you out for acts of God like funerals and weddings.
I applied for temporary compassionate release. My mum wrote to the prison governor...
And he wouldn't let you go?
Not after what that old cow put in her letter!
Who's Rachel?
Would you do me one favour. When the baby's born, if it's a boy would you call him after me?
I wouldn't have thought so. It's not fair to christen a kid "Dick", is it?
(about the women in the over-60's club) You should have more respect Mike. Those women went through the war for us.
Yeah, you can still see the bomb damage on some of them.
(when Rodney arrives at the Nag's Head after cleaning Del's recently accquired Capri Ghia) Your finger's bleeding, Rodney.
Yeah, that happened when me hand went straight through the bodywork! I'm bleeding, see! There's blood! Oh yeah. Mike, you got a plaster?
Oi, what do you mean your hand went through straight through the bodywork?
There's a big rust hole in the wing. Boycie's blokes had stuffed it full of newspapers and body-filler and sprayed over it.
That's slanderous, Rodney. That must have happened before I took possession of the vehicle!
They were yesterday's newspapers!
I remember a few years back when I had that important client coming over from Belgium and I was trying to get tickets to Wimbledon to impress him. You said "Leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon."
I got you two tickets!
That's right! They drew nil-nil with Ipswich!
Ever since you went vegetarian, you've become a right miserable git.
There's nothing wrong with being vegetarian Del.
That's right! One in five people in this country now refuse to eat meat. Mickey Pearce has become a vegetarian.
Yeah, but only since he got the sack from World Of Leather. A man needs a bit of fat and stodge to solid things up. Any doctor'll tell you that. All that carrot and cabbage cobblers, no wonder you're depressed.
I am depressed because of the state of the state of my life at the moment. I've got this horrible feeling that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me!
So?
What?
What name have they decided on?
If it's a girl they're calling her "Sigourney" after an actress, and if it's a boy they're naming him "Rodney" after Dave.
Never give up on people, Rodney. I know that most of the time they don't seem to understand. But when you're in trouble and you cry out for help, some will always be there. Trigger's cousin Cyril's a perfect example. He owed 500 quid on his mortgage.
They were gonna be thrown out on the street the following day. he was very worried about it.
So what happened Trig?
He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff.
What, he was gonna drive off it?
Yeah! He just sat there for a couple of hours, his head resting on the steering wheel. People tried to talk to him out of it but he was too depressed to listen.
But then, and this is what I mean about people, Rodney, they had a whip-round and got him his 500 quid.
No! Who held the whip-round?
All the passengers on his bus.
No, it's a boy alright. Rosemary's Baby was on the telly the other night. It's Del and Raquel to a tee. In a couple of weeks time, we'll be awoken by the cries of our own little bonny, bouncing antichrist. It'll be sitting in it's cot, head spinning round like a propeller, green gung up the wall. They're bound to call it Damien.
(as if to cheer Rodney up) They were thinking of calling him "Rodney".
Rodney! Oh no, poor little sod.
[Raquel is in labour, in the hospital delivery room. There is a knock at the door]
Who is it, friend or enema? [laughs] Get it? - friend or enema!
Shut up, Del.
Yeah... yeah, shut up, Del... I'll just go and see who that is, sweetheart. [opens the door to find Albert]
The specialists are on their way, Del.
Good, good Unc, you go and sit down now, go on.
[A female nurse enters the room, followed by a male nurse]
Oh, excuse me, John, we're having a baby in here.
MMidwife
I know. That's why I'm here.
What are you, a pervo, or something?!
NNurse
This is Mr McCallum - he's the midwife.
But he's a bloke!
MMidwife
I'm a trained midwife. Now please, get out of my way.
[panting] Just let him do his job, Del.
No, he's a bloke!
I don't care if he's a trained chimp, get out of his way!
[After Del has said he can see the baby's head]
Is it... normal?
What do you mean, normal?
No... numbers or anything?
What do you think this is? A bloody raffle?
It's a baby, Raquel.
I've been wondering what that swelling was.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.