[picking up the phone] Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Uh... okay, well, the button on the side, is it glowing? Yeah, you need to turn it on... uh, the button turns it on... yeah, you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.
No, no there you go, no there you go. I just heard it come on... no, no, that's the music you heard when it come on... no, that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past?
See the driver hooks a function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory! [chuckle] Hello?
Oh really? Then why don't you come down and make me then. Huh, what you think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you! [slams down phone] I told her!
Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them! Actually, that doesn't work as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages. Hello IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
[Voicing an Emergency Services advert] Has this ever happened to you? [The old woman on the advert twists her ankle and falls down stairs, gets up and falls down second flight of stairs before picking up her phone and trying to dial 999] From today, dialing 999 won't get you the Emergency Services, and that's not the only thing that's changing! [upbeat music starts, followed by close-ups and shots of new emergency vehicles and team] Nicer ambulances, faster response times and better-looking drivers mean they're not just the Emergency Services, they're your Emergency Services. So, remember the new number! :[upbeat voice singing to jingle] 0118 999 881 999 119 725! [short pause] 3! That's [number is repeated in similar style whilst the old woman dials the number and waits]
[dialing] 0115... no... 0118... no... 0118 999 [hums the rest of the numbers] 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello? [pauses for thought] I know... [sits down in front of the computer] Subject: Fire. "Dear SirMadam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of..." No, that's too formal. [repeatedly presses backspace] "Dear SirMadam. Fire! Exclamation mark. Fire! Exclamation mark. Help me! Exclamation mark. 123 Clarendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss."
Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested; these are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!
You've got to help Roy! [Sees Richmond and points at him] Richmond's out of his room, he's not in his room, he's supposed to be in his room, why is he out of his room?
Look, I know that normally this would be very funny, but he's been under there too long for a reasonable explanation! If that woman looks down, she's going to assume he's a desk-rabbit!
I just made that up! But that's probably what they're gonna start to call people like Roy. But Roy's not a desk-rabbit, he's my best friend, and unless you do something, it's just going to be you, me, and Tim Burton over there! [he points at Richmond, who looks offended.]
[picking up] Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?...have you tried sticking it up your arse? [hangs up] Ohh...yeah, yeah. I just realized that was my mother.
