Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Good morning, Gentlemen. What can I get...[turns and sees the platoon dressed as Nazis]
[in a German accent] Gut afternoon, mein host. 16 shandies mit the ginger beer.
[stammers] Pints or 'alves?
Pints!
This really is most awkward, isn't it, Wilson?
I really do feel very deeply for you.
Look, couldn't you help us out?
I'm terribly sorry.
You must realise how embarrassing a situation this is for me.
Well, can't you and Frank go round again?
I think Mum wanted to come, but she's ever so upset at losing me. I'm all she's got, you know. That's why she was a bit off with Uncle Arthur when he asked her.
Oh, you did ask, then?
Yes.
At breakfast.
Frank.
I think she was going to say yes, that is until Uncle Arthur mentioned that there was a sort of burnt taste about the... that porridge, so she picked up the pan and poured it in his Homburg hat. They haven't spoken since.
You take my advice. Whomever you marry, take a very firm stand with your wife from the outset.
Start as you mean to go on, eh?
That's right.
I'll remember that.
Good lad.
Mrs Mainwaring coming? I said is Mrs Mainwaring coming? [Pike pulls a silly face]
Y'know, you're going to have to do something about that habit of yours.
What habit?
This. [Pulls a silly face like Pike]
What? [Mainwaring pulls the silly face again] Do I do that?
Almost at the end of every sentence you go... [Pulls the silly face]
Oh, how awful. Oh, thank you for telling me, Mr. Mainwaring. [Pulls the silly face]
[Lance-Corporal Jones enters the church hall]
Sir, Captain Mainwaring, sir. I've done it, sir. I've done it. Ninety-seven pints I've got, sir. I've done it, sir.
What are you talking about, Jones?
Frazer, come on, bring the Sergeant in.
[Private Frazer brings in the captured sergeant]
Go on! Get in there. Go on, go. Right, left, right, left, halt! Salute the officer. Salute the... (Poke the sergeant with a stick)
'[Yells in Italian accent] What the for you stick me with the bayonet? I no make trouble. Me buddy-buddy, friend.
What's all this about?
Well, sir, I went down to the Italian prisoner of war POW camp and I saw the guard there, and I gave him a little bit of fillet steak, sir, and he let me bring 80 prisoners of wars out for donoring purposes, sir.
I object. That's not fair, that's enemy blood.
Of course it's fair. They started it.
Hey, what you calling me enemy for? I not enemy. I sit at home, mind my business. Trattoria Paisano. Very good food. I cook myself. Then they... Then they come to me, they say, "Hey you! You got to go, you got to go fight! You got to go bangy bang!" We is not to blame, Signor Capitano. It's the Signor Adolf Hitler, they is to blame.
Your government should be more careful about who it chooses for friends.
Friends? Oh, you can talk about friends. What about the Stalins?
That's enough of that.
[about lowering Mrs. Pike's rent] I'll do nothing of the sort. It's my property, and I'll charge what I want for it.
Oh, no you won't. I shall report you to the Chamber of Commerce, and they'll throw you out on your ear.
And, as a member of the Chamber of Commerce [taps the table], I second that.
And I third it.
[Amid much noise] You're not a shopkeeper, so shut up.
A man in my position can't be seen fighting a dragon in cardboard armour!
Mainwaring has given the platoon a lecture about how they should keep their money and valuables in the bank.
I don't think Frazer suspected I was referring particulary to him, do you?
Oh no sir. No, not at all, no. But I must say when you said the word "gold", I did just notice that he jumped every so slightly out of his skin.
Well, I'm quite sure he had no inkling that I really knew.
Oh, no sir. No, no, no. Not at all, no.
[Frazer knocks on door]
Come in... Yes Frazer.
Captain Mainwaring, there's just one thing I want to say to you. If you think you are going to get your hands on my gold, you can think again. I don't trust banks, I don't trust bankers and I don't trust you. That's all I want to say. Thank you.
[Mainwaring opens Frazer's money box]
It's a brick! It's a damn brick.
Aye! It's a brick! And yon vicar can have it for the fabric of his kirk. [he gestures to himself] I'm hangin' onto my money. You're not gonna put your hands on it at all. [as he leaves] You're not gonna have my gold. You're not gonna have my gold.
[Final lines. Mr. Hodges arrives at the pier where Captain Mainwaring and his men are keeping guard]
Hello, what are you lot doing here?
In case you'd forgotten, there's an invasion alert on.
Haven't you heard? It was a false alarm. We got the stand-down half an hour ago.
So Hitler won't be joining us tonight then?
No. It's just as well with you lot guarding us. [Laughs]
What does that mean?
Well, I mean, look at you. What good would you be against real soldiers? [Sniggers] Oh, dear. They'd walk straight through you. Goodnight. [He leaves the pier]
Here, he has no business to...
All right, all right. Don't take any notice of him, men. [Turns to Jones] Here's to your future health. [Clings mugs with Jones]
Yes, here's to you, Jonesy.
Here, Jonesy.
Good luck to you.
Mr Mainwaring?
Hmm?
Warden wasn't right, was he, when he said the Nazis would walk straight through us?
Of course he wasn't right.
Well, I know one thing. They're not walking straight through me.
Nor me. I'll be beside you, Jonesy.
We'll all be beside you, Jonesy. We'll stick together. You can rely on that. Anybody tries to take our homes or our freedom away from us, they'll find out what we can do. We'll fight, and we're not alone. There are thousands of us all over England.
And Scotland.
And Scotland. All over Great Britain, in fact. Men who'll stand together when their country needs them.
'Scuse me, sir, don't you think it might be a nice idea if we were to pay our tribute to them?
For once, Wilson, I agree with you. To Britain's Home Guard. [Raises his mug]
[to the camera] To Britain's Home Guard. [They drink their mugs of champagne]
Alchemy; the science of understanding the structure of matter, breaking it down, then reconstructing it as something else. It can even make gold from lead. But alchemy is a science, so it must follow the natural laws: To create, something of equal value must be lost. This is the principle of Equivalent Exchange. But on that night, I learned the value of some things can't be measured on a simple scale. My brother and I knew the laws of science, of Equivalent Exchange, that gain required sacrifice, that something had to be taken from us. But we thought there was nothing more we could lose, we were wrong…
So, if you pray and polish the alter enough times, someone who’s dead will be brought back to life?
Something like that!
Water: 35 l. Carbon: 20 kg. Ammonia: 4 l. Lime: 1.5 kg. Phosphorus: 800 g. Salt: 250 g. Saltpeter: 100 g. Sulfur: 80 g. Fluorine 7.5 g. Iron 5 g. Silicon 3 g. and trace amounts of 15 other elements.
What’s that?
It’s all the ingredients of the average adult human body down to the last speck of protein in your eyelashes. And even though science has given us the entire physical breakdown, there’s never been a successful attempt at bring a human to life… There’s still something missing… Something scientists haven’t been able to find in centuries of research… So what makes you think that hack job priest with his parlor tricks is going to be able to? And in case you’re wondering… All those ingredients can be bought on a child’s allowance. Humans can be built on the cheap. There’s no magic to it.
WELL IF THERE’S NO MAGIC THEN YOU BRING SOMEONE BACK TO LIFE!
It’s just a matter of time Rose. Science will find a way. Science is the answer to everything. If I were you… I’d drop the scriptures… And pick up an alchemy book… We’re the closest thing to gods there are…
You’re not a god. You’re nothing close to it.
And neither is the sun. It’s just a mass of hydrogen. Get close to it, like Cornello claims… And all you’ll do is burn up…
Great, Ed. Put your total cynicism on someone else…
Don’t worry, Elric. Your brother will join you soon.
Cray! What are you doing?!
These two are enemies of God. This is His will Rose. Not mine. (Points the gun at Ed)
I don’t think so Mister.
(Grunts, and throws the helmet at Cray)
I got it! I got it!
Strike!
Ah! He doesn’t have a head!
Haha, yeah, that’s Al.
Please don’t be scared, Rose. This is how I am…
You’re not there!
It’s true. I don’t have a body. But I’m here. This is my punishment for setting foot on holy ground where mortals are forbidden. We made a mistake, Rose. And we’re paying for it.
Ahhh!
Rose, wait!
Cray’s was right! They are evil! What have I done? The made me doubt you, Cornello! Forgive me, please!
I can’t see a church social down here can you? Uh? There she is!
You’ve wrestled with the darkness and prevailed, Rose. Thank you for bringing them here. State Alchemist, brutal enforcers, I had a feeling one of you would show up some day!
Well let’s not chalk that up to pious premonitions, okay? You knew we’d come for the stone!
Err… You mean this young man?
Grr… I knew it, alchemy without a transmutation circle, completely ignoring the principle of Equivalent Exchange! It could only mean one thing…!
Yes the mythical gin, legendary amplifier, the philosopher’s stone…
That’s it Al, it’s ours… Cough it up Cornello! That stone belongs to me now! And if you hand it over peacefully we won’t tell the people here what you’ve been doing!
Let me introduce you to one of my creations, you of all people will be able to appreciate this...a chimera!
You combined animals, the most depraved kind of alchemy there is.
Maybe so, but most effective!
Alright big fella want to play? Let’s go for it!
H-how how did you do that without a transmutation circle!?! Uggh! Bring me his head my pet! (Throws the bird off his shoulder and transmutes it into a giant bird)
(Points his sword at the bird) Hmm… Uh… (The bird breaks the spear and grabs Ed’s leg) Ah!
Ha-ha… Now snap it!
(Looks at the bird apparently fine) Wrong leg, pal…. (Bird’s talons break) And here’s the right arm! (Punches the bird across the room, Ed smirks, and looks to his side, at the chimera jumps on him) AHHH!
(Smirks, then frowns.) Heh! Huh?
What’s the matter, you poor bastard? Can’t get a good taste? (Lifts the chimera up with his arm, and flings him to the side.)
Mouthwatering, eh, Gluttony? (Gluttony laughs)
That’s impossible… Those claws on your leg… The teeth on your arm! No one could survive that… Unless… Uh! Your limbs! They’re fake!
Brilliant deduction…!
Oh God...
Don't look away, Rose! You need to see what happens when you try to bring a human to life, when you cross into God's territory or whatever the hell it is! Is this what you want?! Look!
His arm...his leg, they're machines!
I see… Now I understand you Elric. You crossed the line. You did what is strictly forbidden, you tried to create human life and your bodies were taken to the other side!
(Softly gasps)
Told you Rose, get to close to the Sun, and you burn…
Apparently so, but you were crazy enough to find out for yourself! You are the Fullmetal! The Fullmetal Alchemist!
I see. Well that does answer a riddle: Why the military would give a pup like you such a stern name: Fullmetal. But it's literal. See Rose, alchemists forbid their own from transmuting lead into gold, but there's one practice more taboo. A technique forbidden by man and nature itself: Alchemy...on human souls! You miserable little boys… Dabbling in human alchemy without knowing the penalty… You stepped on the toes of God!
You don’t know the story!
Al...!
But we… We just wanted… We just wanted to see Mom’s face again… See her smile…
But you failed didn’t you!?
Yeah… I’d label that a failure alright, Al lost his whole body and I lost an arm and a leg. See Rose, this is what happens when you try to bring back what’s dead. Do you really want to go through with that!?
Don’t let them worry you Rose, you forget that the Sun God Leto blessed me with the Philosopher’s stone, plus I have far more experience than then heretic boys did.
Don’t be stupid! No matter what kind of power you have some things can’t be done!
Oh? Then why are you so anxious to get this stone? You want to beat the laws of equivalency just as I do and bring your mommy back!
Wrong, holy man! All we want is to get our bodies normal again. See, we don't lie about what's possible. We didn't start a cult.
We will ask one more time, please give us the stone.
You are damned, State Alchemist, and may the wrath of God fall upon your head.
Stop hiding behind that crap! Get down here and I'll show you some wrath!
Idiots! You're running into a dead end!
Like I always say, can't find a door, make your own!
WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MOUSY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK?!
Nobody said that, now back off!
Rings and watches have nothing to do with it. My brother's the Fullmetal Alchemist.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
