“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

So...say I had the urge to call opposing counsel an uptight, self-righteous little bitch. My frontal lobe knows that means sanctions and it keeps my mouth shut.

Stabler

You call beating the crap out of her intense? Huh? You little prick. You did this to her.

Yes, I did do this, but she wanted me to.

Benson

No! No woman wants this!

Carmen did! This was her thing!

Benson

So you beat and rape her because it was "her thing"?

What have you done?

I let you turn my son into a monster!

We request a speedy trial date. My client is eager to prove his innocence. An opportunity the ADA denied him in the grand jury.

The District Attorney is under no obligation to inform...

I know the law, Miss Cabot. I also know your reputation for bending it.

[to Dan, before his testimony] You killed Jill.

Munch

Both parole officers claim they're squeaky clean.

Stabler

Squeaky clean sex offender, now that's a new one.

Stabler

Billings is a sleazebag who turns women into little girls.

He makes a mockery of the law. Jurisprudence has to evolve with the technology.

This is gonna be a great fight, Alex. I'm glad I taught you so well.

You also taught me res ipsa loquitur: "The thing speaks for itself." If it looks like kiddie porn and smells like kiddie porn, it is kiddie porn.

Maybe it's you who should evolve with technology, Alex. There was no kid in the kiddie porn.

This city's a 3-ring circus, and SVU's the freak show.

Fin

And you want to be the ringmaster.

I want to know what makes them freaks.

Fin

You had a threesome?

Yeah, until it became a twosome... and I wasn't one of the 2.

[about a transgender murder suspect] I guess I'm more sympathetic to Cheryl than a prosecutor should be.

Maybe you'd like to defend her instead.

She sure could use better representation than that self-serving snake Berger.

Reptile though he may be, Morty Berger is a damn good attorney. He deserves a worthy adversary. Think about this: Who's going to give Cheryl a fair chance -- you, or some other prosecutor who'll put her gender on trial?

I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.

She does or you do?

Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?

Uh, to see your face on TV?

The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?

I don't know, how did he? [looks at Fin and Stabler]

Fin

He fell.

Bull.

The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

Benson

Your one night as a bachelor, and you went grocery shopping? That's pretty pathetic.

Stabler

It was a grocery store with strippers.

[to the detectives] Why would you stick a plunger up Abner Louima's ass?

[her closing argument] Some of you may believe that Perry Williams raped Vanessa Bevins in that alley. But Perry Williams is not on trial here. In fact, he never got his day in court at all. So, in the eyes of the law, he is innocent until proven guilty. Even if his guilt had been established, beyond a reasonable doubt, he could not have been executed for his crime. Ray Bevins executed Perry Williams. He shot a man who was on his knees, begging for his life. Now, some of you may think that he deserved to die. But you have to ask yourselves if he would execute a man whose guilt had not been proven. We have all felt the need for revenge at some point in our lives. We have all lashed out in pain and anger, and we have all thought that justice means an eye for an eye. But is that justice? Does Perry Williams' family now have the right to kill Ray Bevins? Does Ray Bevins' family then have the right to retaliate against Perry Williams? When would it stop? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.