When you get married-
If I get married.
As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.
You get to Tribeca a lot?
LLawyer
You don't have to answer that.
What questions can your client answer?
LLawyer
Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.
[to Stabler] You don't have to answer that.
[Munch walks into the squad room and finds his colleagues filling out forms.]
Police union found us better health insurance.
This form is longer than the last book I read.
Don't you see what they're doing?
Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.
[Cassidy turns his form back in to Cragen, who looks at it.]
Uh, there's 2 "R"s in "hemorrhoids."
[The rest of the squad looks at Cassidy.]
I'm a desk jockey. What do you want from me?
[Regarding a pending interrogation.]
More specifically, he's mad at you.
Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.
Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.
[Munch goes in to interrogate the suspect.]
HHale
I am not a homosexual.
Okay.
HHale
Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.
Actually, she was a half-sister.
HHale
She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.
You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?
[Cragen turns away from the window, where he is monitoring the interview.]
Anybody know where Cassidy is?
[Cut to new scene. Cassidy is now interviewing the suspect.]
[Discussing the embarrassing death scene of the victim.]
They still didn't have to shove a banana where the sun don't shine. That's just rude.
[Discussing the victim's love life.]
For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
What's that supposed to imply?
Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.
KKatya
This is America. You can't do this.
Sweetheart, let me let you in on a little secret. Cops are the same everywhere.
Nice view.
Yeah, at night, too.
You've been here at night, too?
Yeah, you know. On a...a case.
Case of what?
Well, you know, like a...like a date. With a friend.
What friend is that?
Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.
Uh huh.
What?
I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.
Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.
To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.
"Hello and welcome to Parole Fone. If you want to pay with sex, press one. To make a donation to a phony charity, press 2."
Let her go.
Why?
Because her attorney said we have to.
AAttorney
All right. I'm asking.
If I could, I would exhume the body and kick his ass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.