Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?
[to Munch] Do you see what you started?
No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.
Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."
"Onanism." [chuckles]
From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.
Necrophilia.
Again.
Necrophilia.
Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.
Necrophilia.
Good man.
[reads] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"
Candiru.
Say what?
This is beautiful. Tell him.
"It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.
[adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.
She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?
Maybe it's just living in Colorado.
She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.
I'm...having a fashion police blackout.
[as Stabler and Benson approach Vanessa's apartment, after Benson knocks, out come Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green]
Hey! Lennie Briscoe, what the hell you doin' here?
We heard there was good dim sum down here. Say hi to my partner, Eddie Green.
[Briscoe and Green enter the SVU squad room.]
Hey, Lennie.
It's like a nightmare.
You are looking at the fruits of 4 hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. 9 dumpsters in all.
You trying to tell me the 2 of you went dumpster diving?
Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do disposable diapers.
Hey. Uncle Lennie.
[shakes hands with his nephew] Ken, good to see you. Say hi to Eddie Green.
[shakes hands with Ken] Hey.
Listen, uh, cool it with the Uncle Lennie stuff around the station house. Okay?
Yeah, so, what do you want me to call you?
Why don't you guys save this for family court?
Well, just call me Briscoe.
Well, what are you gonna call me?
Briscoe.
[testifying against a doctor] Miss Webber was told to disrobe, put her feet up in stirrups, and try to picture David Hasselhoff on "Baywatch."
Objection! Your Honor, this witness is not qualified to testify on the treatment for hysteria.
Actually, sir, I am. Up until 1952, hysteria was one of the most commonly diagnosed illnesses among women. The medical treatment was hysterical paroxysm.
Could the witness spell that?
O-R-G-A-S-M.
Objection! Would it surprise you to learn that, historically, the onus fell upon physicians to bring about relief of these ladies' symptoms?
Your Honor, please instruct counsel to withhold his questions until cross.
[to the judge] I don't mind, Your Honor. [to ADA] In fact, I believe the manual version of this treatment dates back to Hippocrates, and was attested to right up through the Middle Ages, up into the 1890s, when the vibrator was invented to speed things along.
Objection!
I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.
Yeah, right. Just wait.
What does that mean?
Jerkwad, have some respect for the victim.
Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.
Oh, so you're saying all women are whores?
Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.
Children!
When you were at the 3-1, did you know a cop named Sal D'Angelo?
The 70s are a blur.
Tell me about it. Closest I ever came to time travel.
D'Angelo's a bastard. C'mon. So are you. So am I. We're all bastards.
[After reading aloud an excerpt from a travel book written by the victim.]
His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.
"The Bridges of Madison County."
That was incredible.
How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.
I was talking about the movie.
Unnerving, isn't it? That such a degrading death could overshadow such a remarkable life?
It's like Rockefeller dying on top of his mistress.
It's still my preferred way to go.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
