On top of that, Vince, the board has appointed someone to take over the day-to-day operations of the WWE. And — I can't — I can't even believe I'm gonna say this, but Vince, it's me. [audience chants for Cena] Vince, you're not gonna fire John Cena. You're not gonna be doing anything else. Vince, you taught me from day one - from day one - that nobody is bigger than this business. Nobody. And this is just business. I can't even believe I'm gonna say this and Vince this is with all due respect: I am here to inform you — that, Vince, you are relieved of your duties. ["Hey, Goodbye' chants, Vince is evidently sad] Please — understand. I did not wanna do this. I'm tryin' to do what's right for the business. Look at me — Look at me! I love you, pa! And I'm sorry. [leaves Vince]
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[At CM Punk and John Cena's Undisputed Title match contract signing for SummerSlam, Triple H makes asides to Punk not showing up when needed]
Wait a minute, I'm gutless, I'm a phony, I'm gutless? Let's analyze that, who fires people around here, [points at HHH] you or Funkman [points at John Laurinaitis] over here, huh? Who, let me ask you a question, Johnny Funkman. You personally face to face, fire Vladimir Kozlov on Friday? Huh did you fly yourself to Florida to tell Harry Smith - yes, his name his Harry Smith, not David Hart Smith that he was no longer needed here, huh? Did you tell Chris Masters - somebody who has worked his ass off to get better, did you fire him face to face or did you call him up and say "hey kid, it's a budget thing. Best of luck on your future endeavors" - don't call me gutless! You have him do your dirty work! This isn't about him [John Laurinaitis] This isn't about you. [HHH]
Yeah, congratulations. Way to go, Punk, way to go. Congratulations on your big win. You need to enjoy them while you can. You see, you can smirk if you want to, but I see straight through you. When I look at you, I see a fraud. And I'm not talking about the fact that you call yourself the best in the world, I'm talking about you as a person. Because I did a little research this week, Punk, and I found something, a little deep, dirty, dark secret about you. You've been straight edge ever since you came to the WWE, but you've never explained the reasons why. I wanna tell all of these wannabes why you're straight edge. I wanna tell them that you're straight edge because your father is an alcoholic.
Yeah, that's right. Your father was an alcoholic who let you down every step of the way when you were growing up, and it terrifies you. You don't want to end up like him. But it's inevitable that you will, because alcohol is in your blood, it's in your genes, it's part of who you are, and that tortures you. I know you've built this facade, this wall that you're a sarcastic antihero with not a care in the world, but I think I've found something that you care about. I've found something that gives you nightmares, something that terrifies you.
And isn't it ironic that the very alcohol that you crave is the same thing that ruined your childhood? Oh, the nightmares you must have about your father; I almost feel bad for you, Punk. Is that the reason why you have all those tattoos? Was the pain of wanting to drink so bad that you needed the pain of a tattoo needle to take it out of your mind? Was that your only solace?
It doesn't matter if it is, Punk, because you are going to drink eventually, and I'm the one who is going to make you drink. At WrestleMania XXVIII, I'm going to take away your title, I'm gonna take away your claims of being the best in the world, I'm gonna take away your bravado, and I'm gonna leave you a broken man. You're gonna hit bottom, Punk, and when you do, you're going to embrace your destiny, and you're gonna take a drink. And it's gonna taste so good that you're gonna wanna take another one, and another one, and another one. After April 1st, I'm gonna be recognized for who I am—the undisputed best in the world and the new WWE Champion. And you're gonna be recognized for who you are, who your father was—a pathetic damn drunk!
[mock smiling] You see this? This is me doing my job. This... this is me smiling. Smiling. It was easy making you people smile. Tell you the truth, I didn't mind doing it. But make no mistake about it, it was a calculated business decision. I made a living at it. I was a business man. I just also happen to be a giant. See, but all that's over now. Oh, that's so nice. What. That's so good. That's why I love you all so much. See, the reason I don't have to do that anymore and put on that smile is because I have an ironclad contract. [hears "Cena" chants] I have an ironclad contract with a big fat bonus, which means I'm set for life. Which means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whoever I want, and I don't have to be concerned about putting smiles on you people's faces. I'm 7-foot tall, 441 pounds. I am not an entertainer. I am a giant. Let's face it, people, there's no one in my league. There's no helmet, shoulder-pad, four month out-of-the-year NFL player. There's no toothpick, noodle arm NBA player. There's no phony UFC so-called fighter. And there is certainly, there is certainly not anyone in the WWE that is in my league. And maybe that's why. Maybe that's why not one single WWE superstar came to my defense... came to my defense when, at the most humiliating moment of my life, when I was on my knees begging for my job. Just minutes after I was begging, this happened. [clip shows from May 14] My tears were not even dry in the ring and Brodus Clay is out there dancing. DANCING! Two guys that I thought were my friends, Kofi and Truth, they're just out there yucking it up, having a good ol' time and... and you people, all of you waving, clapping, having a great time. It's fun, wasn't it? It was easy for you people just to... just to move on. [hears "Cena" chants again] You people... you people are so shallow. You're so phony. But after all that, there's one man, there's one guy that disappointed me even more than all of you and that man's name is John Cena. When I saw John Cena in the ring, I thought he was gonna confront John Laurinaitis. I thought he was gonna fight for me. I thought he was gonna fight for his friend. I thought... I thought Cena was gonna threaten in an entire WWE locker room mutiny unless John Laurinaitis hired me right there, right back on the spot. Instead, your hero, John Cena, did this. [clip shows from May 14] Cena made jokes. I guess that's all I am. I guess that's all I am to all of you people as well, just one big joke. Well, Cena hurt me when he decided he didn't care. And last week, I hurt him. I knocked John Cena out twice within 24 hours. Now, what I'm gonna do to John Cena at No Way Out, it won't be pretty. John Cena is not gonna be standing across the ring from a businessman, John Cena is gonna be standing across the ring from an unstoppable giant. You think John Cena suffered his greatest loss in his career when he lost at Wrestlemania to The Rock? You think John Cena suffered the worst beating of his life when he faced Brock Lesnar? You think John Cena suffered the most embarrassing moment of his career when he lost to John Laurinaitis at Over the Limit? At No Way Out, John Cena is gonna experience all three of those things in one night, and that... that [mock smiling] puts a smile on my face.
Like I said, I respect what Christian has done, but again, he sits on the fence between classic and contemporary, in my opinion.
What does that mean? What does that mean, "sits on the fence"?
Well, I'm trying to be nice, Jerry. It means he's old, old like you.
"WrestleMania moments" are what most everybody in the locker room always talks about, everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. But last week, I had myself a Raw moment; it was a Raw moment that was bigger than most people's WrestleMania moments. But before I get into why I did exactly what I did to the Rock, I wanna shed some light on something. I want to bring to your attention the way Raw 1,000 went off the air, I was uncomfortable with. I...it left a bad taste in my mouth. The way the 1,000th episode of Raw went off the air was with Jerry Lawler saying, and I quote, "CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe."
[He turns and looks right at Jerry. He leaves the ring and sits on the announcers' table looking right at him.]
Cat got your tongue, King? You did say that.
I don't get it, Jerry. I mean, I'm used to really bad, overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary, but...that was horrible, even for you. How do you jump to such a conclusion? I mean, if anything, it was you who turned your back on me because the last time I checked, the Rock was not the WWE Universe. The Rock is one single, solitary man. He's a larger-than-life, extremely charismatic...delusional movie star who came in and showed me, [holds up the WWE Championship] the WWE Champion, an incredible lack of respect.
First off, he interrupted me, which is something nobody should ever do. He interrupted me, and when he went into his little tired shtick with Daniel Bryan, he acted as if I wasn't even in the ring. I was almost invisible to him. And then when he does what I can only imagine in his brain is lowering himself to talk to me, he tells me that he's been gifted with a championship match at the Royal Rumble, and he acts as if he's just going to take my championship from me? The respect he didn't show me, I showed him right then and there because he's lucky I didn't drop him on the spot. He...he's fortunate that I didn't hurt him right then and there. And then at the end of the night, Dwayne does what Dwayne does best, and he tries to make the show all about him. He tries to make Raw's 1,000th episode all about him. And that's exactly when I showed him the kind of man he's dealing with, come Royal Rumble. 'Cause this is not a popularity contest, this is not ballet, this is the WWE and I am its Champion. You understand me, Jerry?
And what's the Rock's response been? We haven't heard from him in a week, which is funny to a guy like me because when he was battling with John Cena, you couldn't shut him up. But now...now the Rock has found his silence, and I know what that means. So when it comes to you and your little agenda, however you wanna spin, however you wanna spin it, you can say what I did or didn't do to John Cena, the 1,000th episode of Monday Night Raw ended the exact way every episode of Monday Night Raw should end—with the focus and the attention and the spotlight on the WWE Champion, [holds up the title again] the best wrestler in the world.
You know, he can make all the excuses in the world, but let's face it—Heath Slater needs to start turning his career around. Now Zack Ryder, on the other hand, look at him. This guy does everything, he goes above and beyond. Social media guru—this guy is on YouTube with his Z! True Long Island Story, he's on Facebook, he's on Twitter, he's interactive with his WWE Universe, and that's why they love him so much.
Yeah, well, what about Heath Slater? Come on, he's the "One Man Band!"
I got a song he can cover. How about Beck's "Loser"?
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you noticed that Jerry Lawler hasn't been active in the last couple of matches. A little bit earlier tonight, Jerry passed out here... passed out here at ringside. Um... [trying not to tear up] Jerry collapsed and was... was helped to the back. He was stretchered to the back to the locker room area. We understand now that Jerry is receiving medical attention as we speak. They are performing CPR. And again, this is not part of tonight's entertainment. This has happened. And again, Jerry Lawler collapsed here at ringside tonight, and they're performing CPR as we speak back in the locker room area. We'll have more information as Monday Night Raw rolls on tonight.
Dean, Seth, Roman, been my pleasure to known you guys for a while now and worked with you down in the developmental territory in NXT. And it seems a bit odd though to be conducting this interview tonight under these circumstances. It was eight nights ago at Survivor Series, many people say that you came...
Many people? Who are these people? Michael, if you got a question to ask us, just ask.
Okay. Are you three working directly for WWE Champion CM Punk?
Nope.
Okay. So if you're not working for Punk, then why are you guys here?
Now that's the question, Michael. That's the question you should be asking. You see, we sat down in NXT and we saw things clearly. Crystal clear, actually. You see, everybody around here has to answer to the likes of the Vickie Guerreros and the Booker Ts. And Vickie and Booker, they have to answer to the Board of the Directors. And Board of Directors ultimately has to answer to the WWE Universe. The almighty WWE Universe. What is that, Michael? What is that? It's a popularity contest. And that's not right. That's wrong, Michael. We saw things heading in the wrong direction. We stepped in and righted those wrongs. Michael, we are a shield from injustice in WWE.
I mean, come on, guys. There is no denying that everything you've done so far has benefited CM Punk.
Michael, it's coincidence. Happenstance. You ever heard of it?
It's not about benefiting Punk. It's about right and wrong. CM Punk, the WWE Champion, was forced to defend his title in a Triple Threat Match against two guys he already had defeated. That's wrong. So we stepped in. If had been Ryback or Cena, we would have done the same thing. If Ryback was champion for 365 days and Punk tried to ruin his party, we would have intervened on Ryback's behalf. 365 days as champion in this era? That's a huge milestone. That should be celebrated, right?
Roman, I would love to get your take on all this.
When I want to say something, I'll say it.
Look, Cole, we see what you're getting at, okay? We hear everything you guys are saying. We read everything that's being written. Okay? We know what you guys are thinking. But we're not renegades, we're not mercenaries, we're not the Nexus, and if you're looking for the nWo, go buy the DVD. We are about principles. We're about honor. Where honor no longer exists, we're gonna step in. It's like he said: We're a shield from injustice.
Yeah.
We're a shield from injustice. [The three look at each other and like the sound of it] We are The Shield.
Okay, so...
Hey, I got something to say. We've said enough. This interview is over, man.
So I stand here on the first Raw of 2013 your WWE Champion, and I promise you in one years time, I will stand in this ring on the first Raw of 2014 still your WWE Champion. What fuels me is your constant disappointment in your self-appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me, and now The Rock has come back, but it's not gonna change the fact, that I am the WWE Champion. And I'm not gonna let The Rock tear down everything that I fought so hard to attain, no no no no no no no..... not at all, no, in 2011, when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn't just beat Alberto Del Rio, I beat the system. And every time after that, when I beat one of your superheroes, and I don't care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, any of the litany of Superstars that I defeated, I wasn't just beating them, I was beating all of you. And for 414 days, that's exactly what I've done. In your face, jerks. I have beaten you. I have stomped you out under my oppressive boot and I'm gonna do the same thing to The Rock because I don't care if he's back, you all do not get to win. You are losers. You do not get to win. You do not...(The Rock theme song comes on)
[The Rock has an Eric Clapton song for Vickie Guerrero]
Late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her makeup. She brushes her short, black hair
And then she'll ask me, "Do I look alright?"
And I said, "No biatch! You look horrible tonight."
You abuse all your powers. Waste everybody's time.
You dress like a hooker... not the expensive kind.
So get your ass to the airport, take a one-way flight,
Because biatch, you look horrible tonight.
I said biatch, you look horrible tonight.
Are you kidding me?!?! How dare you do that to me?! How dare you?!?
Hold on Vickie, don't go anywhere, cause we wanna sing you out. We'll sing goodbye properly [audience joins in] "We said biatch, you look horrible tonight." [Vickie slowly walks out] Houston, Texas, that is one horrible-looking beeyatch.
How does it feel to be the new World Heavyweight Champion?
You know, Josh, I have been too damn good for too damn long. Now I knew, I knew I just needed the right time and the right place, and I found it tonight. Now I know it's the day after, but this...this is my WrestleMania moment! I'm the showoff, 'cause I'm gonna take my new championship, shine it up, and show it off. It's about damn time.
I have no followers, I have only brothers and sisters, all in the name of cause. People are sheep, you understand me? They can't lead themselves, they need to be lead. People buy and sell fear. They worship war, they crave war. But I'm not afraid of their wars. I created war! And I think it's time for the masses to wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! Wake up and look at this lie they're living in man! The world is deteriorating between their toes, and they do nothing about it. They only stand there, they whisper and wonder but never do anything about it! But I've seen it all in my dreams and in my thoughts, and above everything else, I understand. This is not the beginning, it's the end. We're here.
[to Kane] I heard you like to call yourself "the Devil's Favorite Demon." But you, sir, are NO DEMON! And the Devil? No, man...shh, shh, shh. Kane, I'd like to let you in on a little secret now. You ought to be careful who you say those things in front of, because you never know [whispering] who might be listening. FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.