“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

[recurring] Must- chop- WOOOOOOD!

Cosmo thinks everything's funny. Watch. [to Cosmo, speaking in a monotone voice] Pudding.

Ha-ha-ha! She said 'puh', then 'ding'!

We're going to read fairy tales to low privileged, confused dolphins!

We're gonna read "The Little Dolphin Who Cried..." [dolphin cry]!

Have fun, you two!

Vicky

Oh, don't worry. [holds up a bunny suit] We're going to redefine the word fun!

Hey, guess what, Timmy, we're gonna grade you on your performance! We'll give you an A-! [holds out an A-]

An A-minus?!

Up-bup-bup, questioning the grades, that gives you a B. [holds out a B]

But...

Talking back, that gives you a C! [holds out a C]

A C?!

Raising your voice! D! [holds out a Q]

That's a Q!

That gives you an F, smarty pants! [hands him an F]

[Timmy is playing a Crash Nebula video game, like he did back in "Smarty Pants."] Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Uh... never cook bacon with your shirt off? [whistling, removes shirt and tie, bacon splatters out of the pan]

No. I wish my life had a reset button!

This time I'm ready for Crocker's stupid test!

Heh. Good news, Turner. You've taken F to a new level. I'm going to give you a Super F! Heh-heh-eh-eh-heh!

A D! As in...don't get your hopes up for a high-paying career! [chuckles]

B! As in...but you're not supposed to be this smart.

An A-! As in...oh, wait, I give so few A's, I have no prepared sarcasm.

Do I think Timmy Turner is neat? Actually, my love for him burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, but I can't let Trixie know that. [typing] No way, he's gross!

Oh, great. The crazy one likes me.

[recurring line] (name of child), I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother/father by coming in anyway! [breaks down door with battering ram]

This year, I'm a floating human janitor.

And I'm a floating human nurse.

Who floats!

Vicky

And I'm the Wicked Witch of "Where's-My-Candy?!"

I'm going as your mom!

And I'm going as your dad!

And I'm going straight to therapy.

Activate gloat mode!

It's violent!

And educational!

But mostly violent! Yay, violence!

[tackles Eddie to the ground] Eddie, no! Dad, run! Eddie's back from the dead, and he wants to KILL you!

Kill me? Why would he wanna kill me? Your mom's the one who forgot to feed him when you went to summer camp. [echoes] Camp. Camp.

And an addition to the ribbon, the first prize includes this rare, priceless Jupiter tulip. [He hands Mrs. Turner the tulip only for it to die on contact instantly.]

EVERYTHING I TOUCH, DIES!!!!! [sobs while the judge, Timmy and Mr. Turner take a step back a little.]

Oh Dinkleberg! Aren't you going to come over and give my wife a congratulatory hand touch?

Chester

Hey, why does this jail cell have a coyote-shaped dog door?

Because fate is cruel?