“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

[eating Chester-endorsed breakfast cereal] Mmm! These Chester-O's are a great part of any winner's complete breakfast!

Don't you want to try some Timmy-O's? [pulls out a cardboard box of cereal oats with a crude crayon drawing of Timmy taped onto it and we hear a laughing baby in the background]

That loser cereal? That's for pack-mules. Son, I need to achieve.

[cereal is thrown into fish bowl] Hey! These are for pack-mules!

[as a girl] I'm going out to the mall to find something Trixie would like. But just so you two have something to laugh at while I'm gone- [to Cosmo] I wish you were a woman, [to Wanda] and you were a man!

What?!

You're my godparents. No choice. [Cosmo and Wanda do as Timmy asked] Congratulations. You're now Cosma and Wando!

[after Chester bunts the ball, and it grinds against his braces] Wait! It bounced against his braces and split into twenty-seven separate, yet still-in-play, pieces of baseball.

[with a calculator] Let's see... 3 outs each times 9 players...twenty seven outs?!

That's nine innings of outs in one swing!

Game over! Losers lose!

And that's all you need to know about where babies come from!

But what's the machine for?

I'll tell you when you're older!

[stopping a helicopter getaway] It sure is drafty up here.

[to criminal] You better button up or you'll catch your death, OF JUSTICE!

[greeting Timmy] What ho, tiny knight with a shield that smells like a hundred horses' butts? I am on my way to pull the sword from the stone, and claim my rightful place as King of England.

And you are-?

I have many names; the Shining Knight, the Hammer of Fury. But you, my fellow warrior, may call me... Sir Finkleberg.

Finkleberg? What kind of dumb name is Finkle- [gets stomped into a crevice by Finkleberg; then pops back up] Cool! I got trampled upon by Sir Finkleberg.

Wanda, my love! [begins kissing "Wanda's" hand] I've missed you more than the sun misses the dawn!

Well, that's all very flattering...

But that's my hand pal, and guess what, I don't need magic to turn it into a FIST! [tries unsuccessfully] [Juandissimo then turns Cosmo into a tortoise and his wand lands several feet away] When I get my wand..oh, you are in for it! [crawls towards wand]

[over-dramatically] You see how he almost turned his hand into a fist?! I am lucky to be alive!

The handsome fairy has failed to rescue his godchild...[the crowd boos]...but he is still very sexy! [the crowd cheers and showers Juandissimo with flowers]

This, I can live with.

[mocking Juandissimo] Hey, Muscles Magoo! [turns into Juandissimo] Look at me! I'm fancy, and my long black hair flows in the wind!

Stop making fun of my outer beauty!

I'm strong, but I still lost my woman to an idiot!

[turns into a fat Juandissimo] Chunky Hunky!

STOP!

[turns into a fat monkey Juandissimo] Monkey Chunky Hunky!

[to Wanda] Your voice...is like the chorus of a thousand angels!

Yeah?! Well, my foot is gonna feel like the chorus of a thousand- [Juandissimo turns Cosmo into a tortoise] REVENGE! REVEEEEEENGE! [starts crawling towards his wand]

Why doesn't he just wish for sweeter lemonade?

I can do that! [he takes off his shoes and socks, then sticks his socks into a glass.]

I said "sweeter", not "sweatier"!

Really? I thought you said, "dunk your sweaty socks in Timmy's lemonade"!

Chet Ubetcha

This is Chet Ubetcha with BIG news...I'M THE TALLEST NEWSCASTER ALIVE! DETAILS AT ELEVEN!

[with Cockney accent] Oh no! Without our wands, we can't use our magic to change everything back!

[with Cockney accent] I say, this is a bit of a stickywicket! [normal voice] I mean, dude! This reeks!

Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future America into a yellow-toothed-electricity-deprived rathole!

Yeah! And the other one is going to turn it into a brightly-lit democratically-run rathole!

Don't worry Timmy! It's not over 'till the fat lady votes!

Can the principal vote?