You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels. And the last 15 minutes or so's been running on the Broadcast networks. According to my projections, we've got somewhere between 60-70 million people watching right now, and that was the point all along. This whole thing was a stunt, to get as many of you watching as possible, and it worked! My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict, the Justice League brought the star power, and I brought the shocking surprise ending. Everyone watching this show right now is witness to my greatest joke ever. In just over five minutes, you'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
She can send out thought waves that can alter perception... but enough with the jargon, she can drive you crazy just by looking at you - either in person, or on TV. Even as I speak, millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes are slowly losing your grip on reality - which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway. But you can't look away, even though you know something is terribly wrong. And the best part is, I'm immune to all of this because I'm ALREADY crazy.
We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding!
HQHarley Quinn
And just what is it that I'm not understanding?!
That we're two of a kind. That you'll always come back to me.
HQHarley Quinn
Yeah, I guess I do, don't I...?
Like the swallows in Capistrano. And there's one other thing you're not getting.
HQHarley Quinn
[innocently] What?
[enraged] THAT YOU LED BATMAN RIGHT TO MY DOORSTEP! [smacks Harley away] Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? [silence] Yoo-hoo? Batman? I know you're up there s- OH! [Batman punches him] Oh, there you are.
[Joker sings to the tune of "London Bridge"]
[punches Batman] Big old Bats has fallen down. [punches him again] On the ground. [again] Mind unsound. [again] Big old Bats has fallen down [again] I'm so happy!
[Batman has pulled the mind-control headband out of Joker's pocket. Ace is furious]
Just... Just a souvenir, that's all! Give me that! [Tries to take it back]
AAce
[stands up and advances on Joker] "I'm not afraid of you..."
[scared] Wait ... puh-please ...! [backs away]
AAce
"I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one."
Don't do this! [cowers in fear and closes his eyes, obviously terrified]
AAce
[petting Joker's head] Do what?
[looks up] That's my little Acey! Everything's going to be... AAAAAARRGH!
[Ace uses her powers on Joker to plunge him into a catatonic state]
[in the Watchtower's infirmary]
It was the shock of the detonation that stopped his heart... no, he's going to be fine. I'll stay with him tonight. Batman, about before? I'm sorry I...
No. We never leave a man behind. Right?
[smiles] Right.
You know how we feel about each other.
John...
And I know you feel the same way.
It's not that simple. John, this can't go any further.
Why not?
Well... we work together.
So? Gives us something in common.
We can't be worrying about each other when we're fighting the bad guys.
Too late for that. What else you got?
Ugh... It's crazy, I mean, look at us. Just look at us.
I see a man, and a woman.
[John removes Shayera's helmet. They slowly get closer and kiss]
OOld Lady
Well, it's about time.
JKJonathan Kent
It's good to have you home again, son.
It's good to be back, Pa. And I brought a friend.
[Clark walks in the house and J'onn appears in the doorway]
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kent. I hope I'm not intruding. Super.. uh, Clark was most insistent I join you for the holiday. My name is J'onn. I'm a Martian.
[Jonathan and Martha usher J'onn into the house]
JKJonathan Kent
Oh, we're no strangers to aliens in this house. Make yourself at home.
JKJonathan Kent
Okay, everybody! I'm turning on the Christmas tree!
Pa, that's my job!
Wow. Someone sure did a number on this place.
Actually, I hadn't even started... Do you believe the horrendous amount of public funding spent on this so-called art? It's garbage! An affront to any decent human aesthetic!
Oh-kay, I'll just take you back to prison, where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.
You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them, and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.
Seriously?
You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
[suspicious] It's not gonna blow up or anything?
[incredulous] Flash. It is Christmas.
Okay, but why did you hit me?
You hit me first. Hand me that screwdriver, will you?
Hey, kids, Santa Flash is back! [the children cheer] Along with my special helper, Freaky The Snowman! [the children grow silent]
Just give them the toy and take me to jail.
Are you sure it won't, y'know...? [makes exploding noise]
Oh, for Heaven's sake!
DRDJ Rubba' Ducky
[in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.
C1Child 1
Is that DJ Rubba' Ducky?
C2Child 2
He sounds weird.
DRDJ Rubba' Ducky
[in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer.
Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?
I kinda liked it when he made the poopy noise... [In spite of this, the children keep hearing the toy telling the story of The Nutcracker until they start sleeping.] ...but this is good, too.
[The Flash visits the Ultra-Humanite in his prison cell]
Haven't I seen enough of you for one night?
I wanted to say thanks. You really helped me out.
I did it for the children. I welcome any opportunity to bring culture to the uncorrupted.
Sure. But I thought you might like some holiday cheer yourself.
[He steps to one side, revealing:]
An aluminum Christmas tree?
I know, it's kinda cheesy, but--
No, no. I had one just like it when I was... it's very nice. The guard will show you out.
[Entering a bar] Hey, guys!
PPatrons
Shayera!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.