Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Yeah, I've seen this before. Hold still. [holds floating Rigby and punches him]
[painfully] Oww! What was that for?!
You're not thinking about the song anymore, are you?
[enraged] It's not funny- [floats again, goes back to normal] -see and it didn't even work.
Look, seriously, I don't know what's wrong with you. Just sleep it off, you'll probably forget about it in the morning.
[Cut to Rigby's mind whilst sleeping. The background is empty]
Hello? [walks] Hello?
[Large speaker emerges from ground playing the song. Rigby runs and another speaker emerges]
Get out, get out! [screams, digs into his ear and pulls out the cassette and throws it far away. He laughs victoriously but suddenly, a giant shadow emerges and runs towards Rigby]
[wakes up] The song. It's gone! [runs to Mordecai who is asleep.] Mordecai! Mordecai!
Huh? What's up?
The song's not in my head anymore!
That's awesome, dude. Now we never have to hear that dumb song again.
(Seeing the Summertime Song as a a physical form, taking the form of a music tape with arms and legs with big, red sunglasses)
...What the heck is that?
I have no idea what I'm looking at.
I think the song must've left your head and manifested itself into a physical form.
Well, does it have an "off" switch?
I dunno!
Hey, dancing song dude! Knock it off! Dude, quit it! Seriously, man! I'm sick of this song!
[Casette drums on Rigby's head]
Get off! [tackles the cassette and goes right through it] Oh my gosh, it's a ghost tape! [jumps into Mordecai's arms]
Dude, calm down. It's not a ghost. It's just music. You can't touch music. But music can touch you.
Oh, barf. How do we get rid of it?
I don't know. If we just ignore it, it'll probably just go away.
[Montage of Mordecai and Rigby doing everyday activities like trying to eat cereals, trying to watch TV, mowing lawn and tenting customer at the snack bar with the cassette dancing around them. The man sees a dancing cassette and runs away. The cassette dances around on top of stairs while everybody tries to have a park meeting. Everyone, especially Benson, gets annoyed, Benson covers his ears, ragefully growls as he turns red in anger, angrily lets out an agonized scream with his bloodshot eyes, furiously throws his clipboard at the cassette, lividly huffs and leaves in annoyance as the others walk away extremely irritated. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby. Unable to stand anymore of this song, the duo are seen going into a room and locking it.]
Dude, that's it. We gotta do something about this.
What can we do? He's unstoppable!
We gotta fight fire with fire.
Dude, hello? Fire's just gonna go right through him.
No, dude. We gotta battle him with our own song.
What?
We're gonna write the cheesiest, most repetitive, catchiest song ever, and then we'll see how he likes it.
[snaps his finger] Aw, snap!
And that's the perfect title!
[Cassette comes running down the hall then walks through the wall as Rigby jumps into Mordecai's arms]
Come on!
[exit the room, and they run into Pops] Pops!
We need you to distract the "Summertime" Song.
[covers his ears] But I can't stand that song!
I know. We're gonna get rid of it for good. But we need you to buy us some time, so just go dance with him and pretend like you're having fun.
Alright, then.
Thanks, Pops.
But I'm not going to use my best dance moves!
[The cassette walks up to Pops and starts dancing with him]
Okay, song, song... [plays three notes] Okay, we'll just repeat that. And lyrics, go.
Uh, Summertime loving.
[facepalms] No, dude, come on. Give me something I can use. What do you like?
Partying! Macaroni! Oh! Naps! I love naps!
Alright, good enough.
Okay, I'm here. And I brought my bass.
Wait, how did you-
I know everything, remember?
Woah...!
I'm just yankin' ya. I was on the can and I heard your plan.
Ugh!
Let's roll.
Hey Muscle Man, we got work to do, remember? [Muscle Man breaks down]
Dude... are you crying?
NO! Crying's for ladies, LIKE YOU!! I don't cry!!
[cut to a crying nude Muscle Man in the shower, with Mordecai and Rigby knocking outside his caravan]
Dude, he's been in there for hours!
Muscle Man! Muscle Man! [looks inside] Muscle Man, are you taking a shower so we can't see you crying?
NO!! IT'S... IT'S JUST THE SOUND OF THE WATER HITTING THE DRAIN!!
Dude, what's wrong with him?
[appears] His girlfriend Starla dumped him last night.
What?! Muscle Man had a girlfriend? I wonder who had more junk in the trunk.
Muscle Man, just come out! We can talk about it if you want.
NO!!! I DON'T TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS WITH ANYONE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Alright, Muscle Man, grocery stores have tons of available women.
I don't know, Mordecai... None of these ladies are as hot as Starla.
Dude, man up! Check this out. [points] That girl is single.
How can you tell?
Check out her cart. American cheese singles, a single serving of soup—and who buys one banana? And I don't see a ring on that finger. So what're you waiting for? Go get her!
[walks to her] Uhh... hey. You're a chick. I was wondering if you wanted to....
[....]
I CAN'T DO THIS!! [rips shirt showing his chest tattoo] THIS HEART BEATS FOR ANOTHER!!! [cries as the woman continues strolling] STARLAAA!!!
Look! I know how Muscle Man can be. He's annoying, he smells, and he pretty much has no common decency for others, but he's still human. And he has feelings. We all do. We're just fragile beings looking for someone to share something with. To laugh with. To love.
Hold it. Nope. It's no good.
Aw, what?
It's an INCH TOO tall. Do it again. Do it ALL AGAIN!
(GROAN)
It's just one inch!
Would you want to play Ultimate Frisbee in this? A guy could trip, skid, get severe turf rash and BAM!! Lawsuit. Now get to work.
But- but- but-
[covers Rigby's mouth] Oh wait... Is that the sound of somebody who wants to be fired? (silence) That's what I thought.
So, tell me a little about yourself.
[with fire on his back] Uh, I like pyrotechnics. [fireworks blows off his pocket, sets ablaze his pants]
So, what're you good at?
Rragh! Pyrotechnics! [boom!!]
(...)
Let me guess. You like pyrotechnics.
No. But I do like this. [brings harmonica to his rear end, and plays it through his butt. Rigby is stunned.]
Alright, alright. That's enough!
(Turning red) I'm the only one around here who hires and fires, so if you really don't wanna do your own job, I'd be glad to accommodate you! Otherwise, you're on toilet duty for the next THREE MONTHS! Unbelievable!
Of course all this trash would still be here. Why do I even try? [spots Rigby] Hey! Hey!! Get over here right now!
[...]
Benson! Hey man, I need you—
[covers Rigby's mouth] No. Stop. Don't say anything. What is this? You guys expect me to let this slide?
No—yes—I dunno. Look, I just need you—
Ugh, what you need? Well, I need is for you to start cleaning up right now or you're FIRED!!
Okay, okay! I'm doin' it! But can you just say my name three— [sees Mordecai behind the tree]
What? Say your name? [Mordecai holds his fist] Why do you want me to say your name? [looks behind] What? What're you looking at?
[Mordecai runs off]
Is that Mordecai? Mordecai!! Mordecai, get over here this second or you're fired! [canned by Rigby] What the heck, Rigby?! What's the matter with you?? [Rigby smiles realizing Benson just said his name, cans him again] AHH!! RIGBY!! [Rigby trashs him. Instead of saying his name one more time though, Benson screams] AUGHH!! [Drops to the ground and pounds it several times with his fists] GAAAHHHHH!!! RAAAAAHHHUH!!! [he furiously throws the trash can up high into the ground and angrily long kicks it] RAAAGGHHHHH!!!
JUST SAY MY NAME ONE MORE TIME!!! [looks up beside Mordecai]
Hmhm. Hm. [PUNCH!!]
Gotta find somebody, gotta find somebody! Fives!! You gotta help me, man! You gotta say my name three times! [beat] I'm jinxed and Mordecai's taking this thing way too far! You gotta say my name three times!!
[Fives shakes his head]
COME OOON!!! [Fives shakes again] WHY NOT?!?!
Because I'm jinxed too...
Aha! [leap-punches Fives] No talking while you're jinxed, loser!
Help.. me—
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!
Hi-Five Ghost, Hi-Five Ghost, Hi-Five Ghost!
Hey!!
Ah ha ha ha ha! Whoo!!
Dude, help me back! [Fives flies off] NO, WAIT!!
Dude, why'd you do that for?!
I'm sorry, I just needed to get rid of my jinx!
Why don't you take it off yourself?
You can do that?
Pft, yeah, it's easy. Now, here's what you gotta do.
Yo, HFG! I found a video game system on the ground. Let's see what happens when we put it in the Microwave.
Yoo-hoo! Mordecai! Rigby!
Hey, Pops! Hey, Skips!
You think you want some chips with that cheese?
Oh, yeah, I guess we overdid it with the cheese, huh? HYAH!! (SPLAT!!)
[all laugh]
Are you supposed to be working at the snack bar today?
Do us a solid and cover for us?
You shouldn't abuse the power of the solid. Bad things will happen.
Can you at least pretend you didn't see us?
Okay, but you owe me a solid. [drives off]
We should probably get outta here.
Do me a solid and buy me a cup of coffee?
OH, MAN! Did You just See That zombie Take a discus to the face?! (everyone cheers)
(singing obnoxiously) Because we know everything about scary movies and you know nothing about scary movies! We'll save the park with our knowledge of scary movies!!
[Irritated] STOP SINGING OR YOU’RE FIRED!!!
Our... knowledge... of... scary... movies...
We'll go get the movie...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
