Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You wrote lies in the Book of Park Records?
Maybe…
Yeah, well… You're the one who made me stop writing. There was gonna be a super sweet ending with bazookas, and explosions, and a heli--
Rigby, the book! If everything we write in the book come true then all we got to do is… [gasps]
We gotta find Benson.
Whoa.
Cool!
I'll take that! I don't know what's been going on here or why you two jokers have my book, so you had better clean this mess up starting now, OR YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!!
What mess?
[looks around and sees no mess at all] Uh—
We did all the job you asked us to do.
…Skips, let's get outta here.
[Benson gets in the golf cart, then Benson and Skips drive away]
What? Still no appreciation plaques?
Hey, guys. What's with the cameras?
These? Um... we're making an indie documentary.
Whoa, that's cool!
Yeah...it's pretty obscure...art-house stuff...
It's so indie, only one dude's gonna see it!
What's it called?
[on mic] It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Jobs". [on watch] Break's over!
Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.
TO GO!!
Oh! Uh, hey, Benson! We were just getting back to work!
It's okay, Mordecai. I trust you.
Really?
Of course I do! Because now I have this! [sets up camera] Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system! Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time! 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember: I'm watching you. [walks away]
Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all!
It's always good to have you at the park, Mr. Maellard...sir.
Don't try to fraternize with me, Bert.
Actually, sir, my name is "Benson".
I KNOW WHAT YOUR NAME IS, BEANBAG!! So everything is ready for the unveiling of the new statue today, right, Beanbag?
Yes, sir. The catering's all set and the sound system is in place.
Good. Great. There's only one thing missing — my son, Pops!! When I told him he had to give a speech today, he ran away, crying! I didn't invite all my friends and waste a lot of money for nothing. Right, Beenteen?
Uh... no, sir.
Now go find Pops so he can give his speech, or you're FIRED!! Underline, FIRED!
I can't find Pops! Did you see him?
No! I checked everywhere!
Muscle Man! Have you seen Pops at all today?
Yeah. And you know who else has seen Pops today?
Who? Your mom?
I wasn't gonna say that!! Why does everyone always think I'm going to say "my mom"?! I saw Pops earlier by the playground with those two losers.
Oh, great. Mordecai and Rigby found him first.
We better find him quick!
You know who else has the best tacos in the city?
Dude, Benson will blow a fuse if he finds out we were slacking off!
You know who else would blow a fuse if she found out we were slacking off?
We don't have time for this!
You know who else doesn't have time for this!?
UGH!!
You know who else says "ugh"?! MY MOM!!!!
Are you making fun of my mom?! YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF MY MOM!! NO-ONE MAKES FUN OF MY MOM!!!
Yo, little brother! My ears are ringin! Is someone makin fun of our mom!?
Yeah, they are, bro!
Oh no, bro!
I know, bro!
That's it! I'm comin' up there!
(groans) What now? Look, we're working. See!
Yeah, we're never gonna get done if you keep checking up on us!
It's payday, fellas.
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards Benson)
Yeah-yuh!
Aww, nice! My favorite day of the every other week!
Oh hey, Benson. What're you doin here?
I thought about what you guys said earlier and so I've come down to give you those checks you wanted.
Oh wow, thanks!
BUT now that I'm covered in BRAIN GOO, I realized my mistake! [shreds and throws checks] You want to waste your lives playing video games, then fine! I RESPECT YOUR DECISION!! JUST DON'T DO IT ON MY TIME EVER AGAIN!!
[beat.]
I can respect that.
Yeah, that's cool.
Oh no, not this guy! We never beat this guy!
Dude, we're going to do it this time, come on! Hit him! Hit him!
I am hitting him! Nothing's happening!
Aw, dude! Try kicking him in the junk! Kick him in the junk! Kick him in the junk!
I'M kicking him in the junk!
Well, keep doing it!
Who is it?
It's us.
What do you want?
We wanna borrow your TV!
Why?
Because. We're about to beat The Hammer.
WHAT?! (SLAM) NOBODY can beat The Hammer! It's impossible!
Pfft! Not for us! Will you let us borrow your TV or not?
Yeah. You can borrow it... if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like.
He's blue, with a black mullet.
Fives!
[Fives scrolls thru Video Game Power Mag to see stats for The Hammer]
Uh-huh.
Oh man!
So can we borrow it?
Yeah, you can borrow it. So we can watch you LOSE!! Ahaha! WOOO!!! WOOHOO!!! This is gonna be hilari-uhh! (CRUNCH!!)
[beat]
Does Benson have a TV?
We gonna party!
Got some chips, got some dip!
Some call me cheap, bit of a free loada, but I bought cups for that old school soda!
I dont need to brag, I dont mean to boast, but here's some hummus for these mini toasts!
HUMMUS!
HUMMUUS!
HUUUMMUUUS!!!
Why are you guys yelling "hummus"?
What!? Why would you wanna pay $50 to some dude to come to our house? What's he even gonna do? He's just gonna come and eat all our food.
Do you have a better idea?
Yes. I do. [he inserts a tape and starts playing a funky electronic tune, but Skips, Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost and Pops don't like it] YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEA-AH! YEAAAHHH!!!!!
Is that a party I hear?!
Uh, no, that's the TV.
OH YEAH?! I CAN HEAR MUSIC COMING FROM THE HOUSE! I think I'm gonna come down for a little visit! SEE YOU SOON!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
