[as Xandir's father] Mary Lou?
[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Hey, Xandir's dad. What happened to your eye?
[as Xandir's father] Nothing, nothing. What are you doing in this hour? It's getting dark.
[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Play practice went a little late.
[as Xandir's father] Hop in, I'll give you a ride home. You like Starship?
[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Who doesn't?
[Toot turns on the radio and "We Built This City" by Starship plays]
[as Xandir's father] Heater's broke, but it's warm over here. You can slide over nice and close. Mary Lou, I don't know why my boy ever broke up with you. You sure are a pretty little thing.
[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"] Why, thank you, Xandir's Dad.
[as Xandir's father] Now I know you've been with lots of boys, but have you ever been with a man?
[as "Mary Lou Slutsky"; She sucks Toot's thumb, moans]
[as Xandir's father] Ohhh, yeah...you like my thumb, don't you, bitch? Well, let me show you something almost as big.
Hey, Xandir, I just got this new wind-up duckie! Its feet actually paddle through the water!
Let's try it out in the bathtub! [they run up to the bathroom to find Toot about to put a toaster in the water] Why are you killing yourself this time, Toot?
It's my birthday and no one remembered. I'm fat, old, ugly, and everyone hates me!
Hmmm...maybe people hate you because you won't get out their bathtubs when they want to play with their duckies!
[Captain Hero uses his heat vision to make Toot run out, and Hero and Xandir are next seen in the bathtub watching the duckie waddle in the water]
Hey, Hero, I was thinking, we should throw Toot a surprise birthday.
If we're all gonna shout out what we're thinking, I'VE been thinking about paying a prostitute to shove bowling pins up my ass!
Captain Hero, fan rumor has it that your relationship with Xandir has continued since the show ended.
Oh, you got it all wrong, habibe. Xandir had an affair with Tim Tommerson, not me. [everyone laughs] Fine, I'll prove it. Tim!
[Tim Tommerson walks out onto the stage. The audience and Xandir are shocked]
Oh my God, Tim! I thought you loved me!
Why would he love you when he could have all this? [Rips off his shirt and flexes his muscles]
You have something to say?
FLFoxxy Love
Those ain't real! Check these out! [flashes her breasts]
Father, why? You have so much to live for.
JJJun-Jee
Oh, nothing bling me joy. I too old to battle, and my cataract make karaoke impossible.
[Cut to Jun-Jee in a karaoke bar as "Tequila" plays. When the one lyric comes up on the screen, he struggles to say it]
We're not going to let them destroy us, are we, pledges?
WXWooldoor & Xandir
Sir, never, sir!
And to prove it, Xandir, lock yourself in a trunk of a car with this bottle of whiskey and don't come out until it's empty! [Hands Xandir a bottle of "Jack Daniels"]
And Wooldoor, you tie one end of this rope to your penis and the other around this brick, and then throw it over the balcony!
Sir! Thank you for making my wish come true, sir!
[Puts on a "Make-a-Wish" cap] There goes one brave kid.
He has nothing to say to you!
Shut up, Xandir. Can't you have one pair of lips that isn't always flapping in the wind?
[Xandir hisses]
I understand if you hate me. But I still think about you...a lot.
Gah, you miss the crashes. That's what you miss.
Sure, they were fun. But people being horribly maimed and disfigured means nothing, if I can't share it with you. Maybe we can give it one more shot, and cause a different kind of crash...between our hearts.
PPolice Officer
[offscreen] Sir, please come with me.
MMan
[offscreen] What?! I didn't do anything!
PPolice Officer
[offscreen] I warned you.
MMan
[offscreen] I can boo if I want, it's a free country-- [getting handcuffed] Get off me!
PPolice Officer
[offscreen] I warned you.
MMan
[offscreen] You leave me alone! [getting electrocuted by a taser, screaming]
Think about it, Hero. [Dresses up as Waldo from Where's Waldo by putting on a red and white striped shirt, red and white pom pom hat and round glasses] You know where to find me. [Disappears into the crowd]
OH MY GOD! Sleeping Beauty? Snow White? Ariel?
AAriel
I can't feel my fin!
SWSnow White
That's what we get for letting Mulan drive.
Stay with me, Sleeping Beauty!
SBSleeping Beauty
But I'm tired, so very tired. [she felt dead]
Well, once again, Captain Hero has saved the day. And remember, kids, never mess with the emotions of a dangerous lunatic. I'm off! [imitates plane engine, running around]
[offscreen] I feared Clara would keep me a cripple forever. If only I could tell someone what she was doing.
Hey, Clara. Hey, Wooldoor. How is your healthy patient-Nurse relationship?
Clara's been poisoning--mmf!
Foxxy, look behind you! It's Denzel Washington!
Denzel! Oh! Where did Denzel go? I guess Denzel musta have an appointment or something, Denzel very busy.
Uh, look, Foxxy! Denzel came back!
Denzel! Oh, I missed again! He'd moved quickly. Denzel in excellent physical condition.
[Wooldoor's eyes is blinking with some beeping noises]
Hey, I think Wooldoor's trying to communicate through blinkin'.
Look, Foxxy! Denzel came back for an unbelievable third time!
DWDenzel Washington
Hello there, Foxxy. Clara's trying keep Wooldoor...
Foxxy, look out in the hall! It's another Denzel Washington, with two penises!
Goodbye, asshole! [she pushes Denzel Washington out to the window breaks and he falls] It's just you and me now, Wooldoor. No one's going to save you.
Wait a minute, Clara. There ain't nobody in that hallway but triple dong Wesley Snipes. What is going on here?
Oh, Wooly Bully and I spent another fun-filled day at the Museum of Tolerance. Every time we go, it reminds us that the world's a tolerant place where nothing ever goes wrong.
[All the happiness stops when Wooldoor and Capt. Hero get home and discover the house has been robbed]
We've been robbed! [redos everything he just did backwards] Erehw ecalp tnarelot a s'dlrow eht taht su sdnimer ti og ew emit yreve. Ecnarelot fo Muesum eht ta yad dellif-nuf rehtona tneps I & Yllub Yloow, ho. We've been robbed!
MTMuseum of Tolerance worker
It was probably the blacks or the Mexicans.
[screams] WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME!?
Clara, you don't look so good. Have you put on weight?
No, Toot stole my beautiful, beautiful hair!
I didn't steal it, I just woke up with your hair attractively stapled to my scalp.
I'm gonna have those Jew producers throw you out of this house forever!
