[Lyrics to Bully Song]
Bullies are people who hate themselves.
Abused at age six or molested at twelve, so they pick on others. Isn't it odd?
Because their real quarrel is with God. Who's afraid of a bully?
[giggles] Not me. For there are much
better things to be frightened of
like people of color and gay homo love.
So stand up to the bully stand tall and true, just like Jesus stood up to those misguided Jews.
Now, who's afraid of a bully?
When you stand up to the bully.
Oh yes, he'll flee like the pathetic, insecure, cowardly loser he be.
[cries] My dear little friends! They're dead! DEAD! BECAUSE OF YOU!
You said you were my friend!
[hugging Clara] I know! I know! Are you as turned on as I am?
What? What the hell did you say?!
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. When I get upset, I just say the craziest things! Can I borrow five bucks?
Just go, Wooldoor! Just go! To my bedroom, my purse is in the top drawer. There should be like, five, maybe ten dollars in there!
[Wooldoor leaves, cries]
And Spanky tried to take him, but I sang your song and stood up to him!
[gasped] Oh! [kisses a chipmunk]
I'm so sorry, Clara, for everything I did. Oh, please, please, forgive me?
Oh, Wooldoor, I...I forgive you.
You do? Ohh! [He and Clara hugged] Hug.
[Confessional] Wooldoor took responsibility for what he did. And besides, to forgive is a mitzvah. [Confessional off] Oh, chipmunk. I didn't know I was leading you all into a trap. Can you ever forgive me?
CChipmunk
I forgive you, my princess. And don't worry, I won't tell the others.
So, uh...you won't tell anyone that I'm indirectly responsible for the genocide of your people?
CChipmunk
Uh...no. Of course not.
[sighs] I wish I could believe you. [casually kills the chipmunk]
[Confessional] I found it a bit odd that Captain Hero wanted to take Bleh out on a date, and it was my responsibility to make sure his intentions were pure. [Confessional off] So, Captain Hero, is it?
Coming to take my little Bleh out for a night on the town, eh? You know, I don't know what'd I do if anything happened to my little Bleh.
Yes, ma'am. I mean, no, ma'am.
Son, do you know what it's like to kill a man with your bare hands? [cocks a shotgun] I do.
I...Oh! Here's Bleh now! Wow! You look...stunning!
BBleh
I am Sam's Dakota Fanning is worth the price of admission.
[getting shot with a dart by Clara] Ow! What the hell?
A little added protection. You'll get the antidote when I get my Bleh back.
[Cut to Xandir, Toot, a sickly-looking Wooldoor and Ling-Ling having fun]
[holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas?
[Ling-Ling perks up and nods]
Too bad there's no such thing as Santa Claus! I bet you're disappointed.
[Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot]
Hey, look what I found in your ear! Is it a quarter?
[Ling-Ling perks up]
Oh, no, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Wooldoor]
Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas?
[Ling-Ling perks up]
Oh, no! It’s a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off]
[Lyrics to You're My Hero]
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher and a hero.
Won't you come along and fly with me? Oh fly!
So high against the sky!
So high I almost touched the sky.
So high I'll fly with you.
You're my hero.
Clara, it's not what you think!
[Bleh gibbering]
Get up! Get up right now!
BBleh
I am Sam reduces Penn to a mugging embarrassment. Raves Milk Clark of USA today.
Go back to your cage right now!
Well, look who's doing the limp of shame!
Well, nice work, Captain Hero. Here's the $50 I bet you have sex with Bleh.
Oh, um, I mean, uh...here is the $50 Captain Hero won off me, because I bet him he would not have sex with your special cousin Bleh. But he did, in fact, have sex with her. Oh, yes, he did. For $50. Oh, man. Saved it.
[Captain Hero facepalm]
Captain Hero, I forbid you to see my cousin ever again!
KKing
I'm doing this for your own good. You need to stay away from a.) this house...
Well then, I guess this is goodbye. [the doorbell rings] Well then, I guess that's the doorbell. [the pizza man shows up at the door] Well then, I guess that's the pizza man.
KKing
What the hell do you want?!
PMPizza Man
Someone ordered the pizza.
That would be me. No one puts baby in the corner.
Lately I feel like there's something missing.
KKing
Did you check the colored girl's room?
No, I mean there's something missing in my life
KKing
You are a princess, uh-duuuuh!
I know that, father, but I long for so much more.
KKing
Of course you do, that's because you're a princess, and that's what princesses do, they long for more. Or die in a car crash in France.
Ugh! You were just gonna leave that there? Bitch, pick it up!
Pick it up or I'm sending you back to hell! [pulls a gun at Captain Hero]
All right, Toot, drop your weapon! [pulls a gun at Toot]
No, you drop it! [pulls a gun on Clara]
Nobody holds a gun to my girl but me! [also pulls a gun on Clara]
All right, let's fucking do this! [has a lot of mulitiple arms with guns, knife, etc. pointed at everyone but himself] I'm not afraid to DIE!! [sprouts yet another arm with a gun pointed at himself]
BBBucky Bucks
Xandir, I can't help but think this is all your fault.
What?! But I'm a certified air traffic controller with ten years of experience!
I heard Gay Traffic Controller, with Gay Years of experience! [high-fives Captain Hero]
BBBucky Bucks
Spanky brings up a good point.
