Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Tyrone, Tasha, and Austin enter the backyard, portraying as Acorn scouts]
Okay, Acorns, the compass says go east… then turn and go due south… and we should see the picnic table… now.
You did it!
Way to go, Acorn Tyrone! You've learned how to use a compass.
And you know what that means… you get a compass merit badge! [places the badge on Tyrone's sash]
Congratulations!
Cool. I love being an Acorn.
Acorns, Acorns, none so proud. One more time now, nice and loud!
[checking his compass] Buttercup Mountain is due north, That's… this way! There it is!
Let's go!
Acorns, Acorns, proud we stand. Always lend a helping hand!
I love hiking in the woods. It's so calm.
It's so quiet.
It's so peaceful. [he, Tyrone, and Tasha all scream as Pablo's spaceship whooshes over them and crashes] What was that?!
I don't know!
Come on, Acorns! Let's go check it out!
[They run along the trail and find Pablo's crashed spaceship]
It's a spaceship!
[Pablo comes out of the cockpit]
[gasps] And a space man!
Where is the Crystal of P-- [loses his balance and trips]
[The Acorns rush over to him to see if he's okay]
Are you okay?
[seeing the Crystal of Power on top of Buttercup Mountain] Ah-ha! There it is! The Crystal of Power is on top of that… thing!
You mean, Buttercup Mountain?
Buttercup Mountain, eh? Well, then that is where Pablor must go. For I will have the crystal!
Why do you want a crystal, Mr. Space Guy?
I am Pablor. And when I have the Crystal of Power, I, Pablor, will rule the universe!
[The Acorn scouts and Pablo have reached Lake Sunshine]
Isn't it beautiful?
Yeah, and it means we're halfway to Buttercup Mountain, Pablor. Uh… Pablor?
[standing in the middle of the lake] Look at this! This water in Pablor's way!
Don't worry, Pablor. We can take these canoes across the lake.
If you need help, I can teach you how to paddle, Pablor. I've got a canoeing merit badge so I know all about paddling.
Pablor needs no help to move this puny vessel! I know how to command a ship! [hops onto a blue canoe]
Oh, okay. Great.
[The Acorn scouts and Pablo approach a bridge at Rainbow Gulch]
Wow! It's a long way down.
[as she, Tyrone, and Austin start to cross the bridge] But once we get across the bridge, we'll be at Buttercup Mountain, Pablor. Uh… Pablor?
[They see Pablo hiding behind a rock, looking nervous]
Uh-oh.
He looks really scared.
I'll go see if I can help him. Pablor?
Yes?
You seem a little scared of crossing the bridge, maybe?
Ha! Mighty Pablor isn't scared of anything! Especially crossing bridges!
Oh. Still, it's okay to be scared, you know. Here, hold my hand.
[First lines]
(offscreen) This is the Drawn Together house, where eight different cartoon characters from all over the animated universe will live together in front of a million cameras. Introducing: Princess Clara, a musical and bigoted fairy tale princess. Wooldoor Sockbat, a fucking annoying, wacky whatchamacallit. Foxxy Love, a mystery-solving musician with a sweet ass. Toot, a black-and-white heartthrob from '20s. Plus, she's fat. Ling-Ling, a sociopathic Asian trading-card battle monster. Xandir, a totally gay video game adventurer. Spanky Ham, a crass internet download who farts on retards. Captain Hero, another person in the house. This is Drawn Together, the first ever animated reality television show, ever.
I'm Toot. I'm a sex-symbol.
I'm Xandir. I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend!
Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend?! When were you gonna tell me about this girlfriend?!
But we just met, like, two seconds ago?
Oh yeah? Well, can your stupid girlfriend do this?
[Toot dances the Charleston, shaking the house due to her weight]
Save yourselves! [Flies out of the house]
[Lyrics to Some Black Chick's Tongue]
What is this thing in my mouth?
It's slippery and its slimy
Traveling down my slender virgin pink esophagus
Some black chick's tongue,
It's such a new sensation.
I got a mayonnaise momma on my licking hole, oh yeah, Foxxy's gettin' some.
It's really quite thrilling.
That's right now, you know.
I think I taste a filling.
And it's solid gold.
Never dreamed I'd be so willing to let myself go.
Tell me about it, I'm totally frenchin' a racist ho!
This black chick's tongue. What a wonderful feeling.
Damn, where'd this bitch get her earrings?
I've never had so much fun.
As with this black chick's tongue.
How cool is this? We've only been here a day and I already find myself in a three way
What happens in fairy tales after the princess has her first kiss? Hmm?
She runs away with a sexy one-eyed pirate who loves as fiercely as he lives.
Not that fairy tale, food-for-brains! The other one!
Let's see. They live happily ever after in a castle with a couple of...kids! Oh my God, I am pregnant!
[in Japanese gibberish] Oh my God, the sink's full of dirty dishes again.
So you see, Clara. You can't get pregnant from a kiss.
But...[She stands up and runs off into upstairs] But...Oh no! [crying]
Well, what's wrong now? You should be happy you ain't pregnant.
No man will ever want to put his pee-pee in my giggy!
[Clara is doing an interpretive dance, humming]
Really, when you was but a child. Your evil stepfather put a curse on your vagina?
What? Weren't you paying attention? My evil stepmother. Mother placed a curse on me.
Uh, DUUUUUH!
I never understood why she did it...until now. No man will ever want to enjoy the special hug with me. She did it so I'd never find my true love. [crying] Oh, but please, please don't tell anybody about my secret, and I'm afraid I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear.
I pinky swear.
[they look at Toot]
Ugh! Fine, I swear too.
[gravelly voice] I pinky swear.
[knocks on door] Hey, Clara, Toot told us you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a house meeting about it.
How is that even possible? [stares at Toot]
Oopsey-Tootsey. I couldn't help myself.
[Lyrics to La-la-la-la Labia]
La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
In your wizard's sleeve.
La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
Some sweet PT.
Hoochie coochie, gitchy gitchy, yeah, yeah, yeah, Gotta snatcha, gonna catcha, yatcha, yeah yeah yeah, Binja minja, bearded clam. Furry burger, smiley sam. La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
Oh, yes siree!
Fluffy muffy stuffy in the yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta fever for the beaver weaver, yeah yeah yeah, Honey pot peachie pie.
Take it to the Y-clef.
La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
In your wizard's sleeve.
La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
Some sweet PT.
Bushy bushy, fishy squishy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smelly jelly underbelly yeah yeah yeah. La la la la labia, baby you got something for me
In your wizard's sleeve.
La la la la labia baby you got something for me.
Some sweet PT.
Cookie nookie, slitty kitty, yeah, yeah, yeah, I diggy giggy, murky wiggy, yeah, yeah, yeah. La la la la labia baby you got something for me
In your wizard's sleeve.
La la la la labia, baby you got something for me
Some sweet PT.
La la la la labia, baby you got something for me
in your wizard's sleeve.
La la la la labia, baby you got something for me
Some sweet PT.
There's got to be a way a break this curse.
The only person who knows how is my evil stepmother. And I can't ask her. We're in a fight. Fine. I'll call her on my mirror. Call evil step-mom.
Ah, well, well, well, look who's finally calling to apologize.
I'm not apologizing! You should apologize!
For what, trying to make you happy?
You thought marrying my father would make me happy?!
You never gave me a chance!
Why should I? You're not my mother!
I never said I was!
THEN STOP PRETENDING TO BE!
Clara, your mother's dead! [gasps in shock] The good lord and your father's drunken carriage driving took her away from us, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
I miss her. I miss her so much, it hurts. I'm sorry.
Me too, dear. Me too. OK, now that we got that cleared up, I should probably tell you how to break the pesky little curse.
Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Do tell me how to break the curse...Mom.
Oh, Clara, thank you.
[confessional] There's only one person who knows where the genie's lamp is, and he has sworn to never reveal its sacred location, but luckily, I know his only weakness. [Smells muffins] Ahhh.. [Smacks Wooldoor with a muffin pan] Tell us where the lamp is, you lousy lying piece of shit!
Lamp? [Gets smacked with time some more] I don't know what you're talking about?!
Listen, bitch! Tell us where the lamp is and maybe I'll talk to the D.A. about extenuating circumstances!
Guys, guys! Seriously, I don't even know what the lamp is!?
Fuck this shit! I'm gonna off this glue-sniffing cocksucker right fucking now!
I've seen him do it, man!
I'll talk! I'll talk!
[Xandir has locked himself in the bathroom having found out that he is gay, whilst Foxxy, Clara and Spanky try to coax him out].
[knocking on door] Xandir, please come on out. It's totally cool that you're gay, stop beatin' yourself up.
Seriously, Xandir, it's not your place to punish yourself, it's God's!
[in the bathroom] Leave me alone! I'm taking another gay test!
What? The only test in there is a pregnancy test!
Oh, great, now I've got two problems.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
