Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I don't know, why you don't just go in the lake.
The Lake [his eyes are watering. He jumps in and urinates in the lake]
I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't whiz in my home.
[sucks up the urine and runs off] Sorry!
[The fish is revealed to be a puppet controlled by Edward, who comes up out of the water and chuckles]
Come on, give me a sign. [sees a tree with a bull's-eye on it] Perfect...
Lazlo! Don't tell me you were going to go on that defenseless tree, are you?
Well, there's nowhere else to go in camp!
Did you try Acorn Flats?
Girls have bathrooms?
Girls have bladders too.
Okay, Lazlo, but tell me again why you are using our bathroom?
BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO!!!
Whoa! That is definitely the wrong way to ask someone to use their bathroom.
I'm sorry. Please? Uh, pretty please with a P on top?
Hold it, Lazlo! Isn't that a girls' bathroom?
Hey wait, they're just trying to distract us from the real funny. Lazlo's still wearing a diaper!
Huh, oh this isn't a diaper.
Really?
Denial.
It's not? Well then what is it?
It's a tinkle-tog, just like the astronaut's wear.
[All campers gasped]
So, you're actually wearing some sort of futuristic space diaper?
Yeah, kind of.
Lazlo, can you hold my seat while I go to the bathroom?
Sure, Raj.
[goes in his tinkle tog] Okay, I'm done.
Look, Raj just went to the bathroom like the astronauts!
[dreamily] Just like the astronauts
[Dave and Ping-Pong sigh of relief]
[gives out sigh of relief then looks down] Forgot I wasn't wearing tinkletogs.
[Last lines; Edward's brothers have arrived]
EDWARD!
[turns around to see his four older brothers standing at the door of the mess hall] It's not what it looks like!
Oh, really? So I guess you didn't lose the lemonade drinking contest? And now I suppose you're gonna tell us that you didn't just admit to inventing these lame fashion diapers? [scoffs as Edward's eyes starts welling up with tears of sadness] Can you bring more shame to our family?
I can't believe we're related. [he, Alpine and Cheesly walk out the door]
Oh, Edward, honey, fashion diapers are so last year.
But...it's not a diaper, it's a TINKLE TOG!
[The scene started typically with lazlo and the calendar thinking of what kind of event would be in June 1st]
No holidays,Too gloom! Well we can't have a date without something...Now what would make a good holiday that everyone enjoys. [starts to get surprise by giving an idea. Which he looked at the gooseberry shrub and writes "Goose berry shrub whoreshipping day"] Lazlo-Goose berry shrub worshipping day! Clam can get the kick out of that! He loves gooseberries!
[Everyone worships the gooseberry shrub]
[meditates] Ooommmm...
[meditate] GooseBerries!
[walks over] Get up Laz! You make an idiot of yourself!
[while meditating] Edward...we're in the middle of worshipping the gooseberries here. Ooommmm...
[groans] You're worshiping the weed, you doofus! I cant even look! Why praise those gross things when you got a lovable platypus right here! [everyone didn't listen but worships the goodberry shrub. leaving him annoyed] Hello?! Anyone?! [groans] Stupid Lazlo Holidays! [then rips off calendar just to make it June 2nd and the next holiday was "Edward Day" His own day] If there gonna worship! They might as well worship something worth worshipping!
[Edward wakes up and tries to make his so called "Cloth" and so called "Crown" making him a special pathetic scout]
This is it folks! The day were all been worshipping! [evil Laugh] Its...EDWARD DAY!!!
[imitates Edward] Keep it down! You Weirdo!
[imitates Edward] Hey look its the queen of England!
[imitates Edward] What is he suppose to be?
[imitates Edward] A loser!
Lets try this again. Its...EDWARD DAY!!!
[confused] Umm...Yes umm...I am surrounded by! "IDIOTS!!" [laughs]
Lazlo!
Lazlo Yes, Edward?
What day is it today?
Why it's Edward Day, silly! I mean... [imitates Edward] Its Edward day can't you read your loser! [laughs] How'd I do?
[groans in anger] Come on, Lazlo! What does that sign say?
[didn't read the calendar but Lost Scab Collections] Lost Scab Collections C. Samson-
[starts getting mad even more] No! You dimwit, Above it the calender.
Oh! June 2nd Edward day!... [starts to criticize Edward too] TODAY'S THE DAY WHERE WE ACT LIKE YOU GARBONZO-BRAINS!!!
THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS ON MY DAY! I'LL TAKE THIS TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY!!!
[Edward talks to Slinkman]
So it's Edward Day and you don't want it to be Edward Day?
No! I mean yes! Look here Slinkman. Today is the day that everyone worships me! Me!
Slinkman Okay? Well since it's your day.
Edward Day!
[writes down a note and gives it to Edward] Right. Now I want you to take this not to Mr. McMuesli.
What is this? [reads the note] Edward is allowed to jump to the front of the mess hall line. Finally, a little respect to the Ed man.
[Next scene at the mess hall. Edward enters]
Ta da! [no one didn't pay attention to him] Some people just had no class. Is someone gonna take my cloak or am I just gonna stand here all day?
Glad to, Edward. [takes Edward's Cloak]
This is what I'm talking about.
Nice cape.
It's a cloak, you peasant.
[imitates Edward] Look at me. I'm the king of Camp Kidney.
I know where you live, freak! You stain my cloak, you buy my cloak. Capisce? [give Chef McMuesli the note] Chef McMuesli. Chef McMuesli. Look what I got.
Oh it's Edward Day Huh?
Go ahead, McMuesli. Surprise me.
[imitates Edwars] Give me my lunch and make it snappy, broccoli breath!
Just give me some lunch, will ya?
[still imitating Edward] Coming right up! One macaroni surprise! Next!
[sits right next to Samson] You have the honor of sitting with me, peasant.
[imitates Edward] What do you want to see me? Get sick or something?
[annoyed] Listen up people. I don't know what you think you're all doing. You should be worshiping me! [everyone imatates Edward] Enough already! I hear by declare Edward Day finished!
Clam [sounds like Edward] But I love being Edward.
[Everyone is stunned]
Alright, who's the wise guy? Well, where are ya?
Well, where are ya?
Wha? [everyone likes Clam's impersonation of Edward] You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!
You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!
GRRRR!!!
GRRRR!!
That's it!
That's it!
[Everyone Laughs]
[walks out of the Mess Hall] I'm gonna end Edward Day once and for all! [plays the bedtime bugle]
So I say to the guy "what am I, a duck?"
[They hear the bedtime bugle]
It's bedtime already?
[from the window] Trying to nap here!
That's the bedtime bugle, Lumpus. Go back to bed!
Oh, daylight savings time, huh? Well, keep it down anyway!
There. problem solved. Edward Day is officially over.
[Everyone goes back to there cabins]
Wanna play shadow puppets?
I just drop teddy at the Laundromat.
[goes into his cabin] Phew! Goodbye camp Hello dreamland. [noticed Clam was in his bed and screams] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!
Edward You heard the Bedtime Bugle! Edward Day is over!
But I Love being Edward.
You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!
You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!
[Both breathing hardly]
Grr! Hey, stink sacks!
Hey, stink sacks!
Will you tell this fruitcake who Edward is?!
Will you tell that fruitcake who Edward is?!
Are we dreaming?
I think so.
[They went back to sleep]
See?!
[from inside] Nobody's interesting!
[from inside] Don't copy me!
[from inside] Stop doing that!
[from inside] Why are you such an idiot?! [the Bean Scouts wake up and goes to Edward's Cabin and complain] You can go to sleep after you tell this imitation who the original Edward is!
Not in this lifetime, butterball!
Okay, now that is Edward.
[The bean scouts all talking at once]
[walks up to Clam and Edward] Excuse me. Pardon me Fred. Pardon me hippo guy. Uh beg pardon pig character that I've not met until now. [chuckles] Looks like we've got ourselves a little mix up. Hmm. What we need here is a good old fashion face off to find the real Edward. Let's start with Edward on the Right.
Edward on the right?! THERE IS NO EDWARD ON THE RIGHT!!! I'M THE ONLY EDWARD!!!!
BOOOO!!!!
Too wimpy!
Well, I guess that was pretty good.
I'm surrounded by idiots!
[The Bean Scouts Cheer]
Yeah that's him!
This camp is only big enough for one Edward!
Edward on the right! Edward on the right!
[leaves his cabin] If he's Edward then who does that make me Clam? Ugh can't think of the worse...Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.
[Time card that says One Minute Later. Edward blows the bugle. Lazlo wakes up and Edward dressed like Clam]
Oh, um, hello there, Edward. What can I do for ya?
[imitating] Duh, me Clam.
Do you have something stuck in your throat, Edward?
No [grabs the picture] Duh, Clam. I am Clam.
Oh, I get it. He likes our picture.
Oh, flattery will get you everywhere, Edward.
Clam!!! I'm impersonating Clam, you idiots!!!
Okay, is he still doing Clam?
I think he's trying to do Edward again. Oooh, look what time it is. Well, Clam, we better get down to the mess hall. We don't want to miss breakfast.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
