PThe President
It pains me that I do not have the ability to bring Dethklok back to the public. Therefore, I give you this. [pulls out a shotgun and shoots himself in the mouth, and begins gurgling.]
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
OOffdensen
Gentlemen, I have the recording schedules right here. You'll see that we need to get started on the new record pretty soon, so... [Dethklok is not paying any attention to him, the only sound is Murderface's knife on a plate] Uh. Nothin'?
Can you just at least ask us how we're doing, or something? Y'know, before you start with all this... robotic crap? I mean, am I wrong?-
Yeah, you're all like, "Here's the schedule and now get to work, you ugly humps!" [offended] Ugly humps?!
You're like a robot. You're like an... emotionless robot.
Yeah. He is a robot.
Robot.
You're a robot.
Robots are not to be trusted...
OOffdensen
Okay, fine. Uh. How are... all of you?
Hows ares wes? WE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVINGS A FUCKING DINNERS MEAL! DATS HOWS WE AM!
Toki, you may clear the table, when you feel that it's time.
Any of you guys mind if I mace this stupid turkey?
Aw, go ahead. I don't want no more.
OH, YEAH! [maces the turkey with a device attached to his crotch] Take that you stupid turkey! Right in you face!
OOffdensen
Uh... I'm sorry, what is that?
Oh, this a Pelvic Thrust Mace Belt.
Don't you take away my ability to have tantrums! Alright? That you cannot have! Alright?! YOU ROBOT!
OOffdensen
I... must say I have never seen you this reclusive and moody before. But, there must be something we can do to get you guys back out there playing shows.
Well, what of the fans out there who wanna kill us?
OOffdensen
Well, there won't be. I have a proposal I think you'll be interested in, since your concern with security has increased. A number of criminals are to be executed soon, and the prison system has asked you to perform at this execution because-
Nooooo. Pass.
OOffdensen
And they want you to pick how they're executed.
AWWWWWWWW, AWWWWWWWWWW! DARN, THAT'S AWESOME! THAT'S REALLY AWESOME!
OOffdensen
Is this, uh, something you would, uh, consider, doing?
[throws his bottle] URRRRR!!!!!!! YEAH! BUT IT'S GOTTA BE REALLY FUCKING BRUTAL!
You wanted to, talk to me ?
Oh yeah. Sit down.
No, thank you. I'll stand.
Oh. We, We we wanted to say we're sorry. There. [chuckles] There you go. Get outta here.
You're sorry for... releasing dangerous criminals back into the streets?
No... about calling you a robot.
You're not a robot.
No, you're not a robot.
Not a robot.
No you are not... and we know that must have made you feel bad.
Mm-hmm.
Ands, listens, you's the bests butler we's ever had, so we no wants yous to quit.
I'm uh, not a butler... Nevermind. That's all, then?
That's it. I mean, uh, we're glad you forced us out there again. Y'know, it felt good. Y-y-y'know, couple of things I would have done differently though, y'know, whatever ...
You mean like, not blind the stage driver and crash it into a prison of dangerous criminals?
Heheh - no, that was a happy accident. Eeehh.
OOffdensen
Oh, and remember, start thinking about that new record.
ROBOT!
Gentlemen, it appears that Dethklok... IS BACK.
Hey! Whats the hells you doings right now?
Why it's gots to be about you? Whats about my guitar playings?
Heh, whats about it, you know?
I’m the guitarist too, Skwisgaar! Sometimes you forget. I wants to play the scales and the notes and everything likes you! But you don’ts lets me, YOU DON’TS LETS ME!
You're totallys attacking me right now!
HE’S HOLDING ME BACKS, EVERYBODY! I’M A GUITARIST TOO!! [throws down his guitar and walks off.] You know it!
OOffdensen
It should be clear at this point that Toki is concerned about his role in the band.
What do you mean? He's, he's the rhythm guitar player, am I right?
OOffdensen
Yes, he, is, but he's been complaining that he doesn't get enough spotlight. And it's become apparent, uh, in the media. Take a look at that. [throws down a magazine that reads "Will Toki go to War for More Notes?"]
What does he care? He don't even practice or nothin'. He doesn't write, he just shows up. That guy doesn't do anything!
HEY! He makes sandwiches, alright?
I make sandwiches.
WOAH! THAT GUY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING!
OOffdensen
Well, uh, he is a band member, so try to, be nice to him.
[contemptuously] HEY HEY! Why don't you just uhhh, why don't you just get out of here and let the big boys deal with this one. Or maybe just write it down in that stupid little book, you know, you file away with all receipts for your lollipops and your pretzels, idiot.
OOffdensen
[offended] Uhh... excuse me?
I'm just messing with you, man! [snickers]
OOffdensen
You uh, sure about that?
[ingenuinely]] Yeah, just pallin' around. Just being a little dick, you know.
OOffdensen
Fine then, good day. [leaves]
Wow you are a DICK!
Yeah you've got it down to a science!
You notice how I'm not mad. He gets mad. That's being a dick.
It's amazing just to be able to manipulate like that. Wow! What a gift!
How do you just turn it on like that?
Well, it... It takes years boys. I mean- Pickles, you got something on your shirt right there. [puts a finger on his shirt]
I do? [looks down and Murderface punches him]
Blammo!
...Ow.
Whoa...what a dick.
Oh Toki, its adorables, you really wants to takes more solos, but I am the lead guitarist, you know, why? because I ams, hows do you says, way more gooders than you.
Dat's why I needs me a piano teacher!
You mean guitar teacher.
Looks looks, I give you guitar lesson huh? Takes you under my flippers, huh?
Wes not goes downs that dusty roads again!
What do you mean?
Okay Toki, plays mes a harmonic minor scales in the key of uh, D.
Oh, like this. [plays a single note]
[suddenly] WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! [pulls a chord that sends a bucket of blood on Toki's head and they fight.]
You not a great teacher, Skwisgaar.
Permits me to disagree.
Stupid, Dumb, Dildo, Jack-off, Jerk, Tits, Ass! [stops] What's this? *Gasps* [sees a flyer that reads: Guitar Lessons from Guitar Master! All styles!- Contact: Dimneld Selftcark. Toki rips a piece of paper from the flyer. He reads the name aloud.] Dim..neld..Selft..cark...
*Gasps* Yous, amazings!
Yeah, I guess I am, huh?
Gots to have lessons from you!
Show me what you can do.
Oh yeah! [Looks around.] Oh no.
Where’s your guitar, boy?
Thinks I lefts it at the Urban Outfitters.
Hmm…Can I be honest with you? I don’t think you got it kid. I don’t think you got the discipline. To be great, it takes lots of practice, and you either got that fire in your belly, or you don’t.
But I dos! I dos! Looks, I needs my own guitar identitys. You gots to help me, Mr. Selftcark!
Only, if you promise me you’ll go all the way. No short-cuts. No bull. All, or nothin’!
You gots the deal!
It appears as if certain members of Dethklok are taking music lessons. Allow me to officially introduce Vater Orlaag, political and spiritual specialist.
Having two guitarists in the same band is potentially destructive by itself but when one attempts to take away the other's status, HA HA God help us. The clashing of these egos is like two warrior titans, it's like Clash of the Titans! [no response] Clash...of the Titans.
[Nathan, Murderface and Pickles are outside Skwisgaar's room] Okay you two, being a dick takes a lot of work. The objective guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
PNPickles & Nathan
Yeah, alright.
Skwisgaar's in there practicing away, let's drive him crazy. Follow my lead, and try to keep up...
[in a very high pitched voice] So uh... sounds like Toki's really gettin' going over there with a new guitar teacher!
[also high pitched] Yeah, I went by his room... dude. He was doing stuff on that guitar, I was like, 'What? I ain't never heard nothin' like that!'
[still high pitched] I was like, 'Are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?!'
[very robotic in his voice] I-was-like-that-too! But-then-I-found-out-that-he-was-not!
[high pitched] No, he wasn't! He was really doin' it!
[high pitched] Hey- OH, HI, SKWISGAAR!
[has stopped playing and has been listening to them] So he's getting prettys good, huh?
[normal voice] Yes, he's getting quite good.
If you don't minds, I maybe wants to bes by myself for a second?
[muffled through the door] NOOOOOOOOO!
You remembered my birthday. Gimme a hug. I can't Believe you remembered my birth- [coughs]
Just my way of saying thanks. Just...my way of saying...thanks.
[livid] IS DIS HIMS?! DIS PIECE OF TRASH?! DAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, YOU KNOW DAT? YOU LIVES INSIDES A GARBAGE CAN!
SKWISGAAR! NO! HE'S LIKE A FATHER-FRIEND!
Oh yeah? Dis garbage can? Right here? Dat your friend-father? Well, It's either hims, or the band.
Whats are you saying?
I hears by performs citizens ban-firing! Effective NNNNNNNOW!!
AW! YOU CAN'TS DO THAT! YOU NEEDS TO PRESENT IT TO THE BAND CONGRESS FIRST TO GETS THE TWO-THIRDS VOTE!
I wills begins the paper work! Good day!
OOffdensen
I can not, in good faith, sign off on this citizen's firing.
Why nots?
OOffdensen
Because, uh, some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I’ll say it again: Voting sucks!
I was actually the president of the voting-sucks club in high school.
Oh yeah? How'd that go?
Well, I never got re-elected.
Get 'er done!
You know it!
OOffdensen
Well, Toki, I don’t know what to say. Either you work this out with Skwisgaar, or you’ll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works its out! [leaves the room.]
See? See! Right there! I can’ts even talks to him! He’s unrationals!
OOffdensen
Well..there you go.
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