Snaptrap's Coffee?! Snappy Trap's Iced Tea?! Bob's Big Rat?! [view out to a Snaptrap-themed city known as…] SNAPTRAPOLIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?
Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.
We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!
[offended] Keswick!
It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [looks at his reflection, then whimpers and fills up the cone with his tears] WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!
KKKitty, Keswick and Chief
[all horrified at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!
My eyes!
Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.
Keswick, activate the rash shield!
Is someone making a raspberry chocolate bundt cake… [sniffs] With farm fresh eggs from the north shore of New Zealand?
Incredible! That's the exact recipe I got of off Snaptrap's blog! Hey, he may be the leader of D.O.O.M., but he's a wizard with desserts. Check out this recipe for evil fruitcake.
Whoa! According to his blog, Snaptrap has an invisibility helmet.
Even worse, he took down the recipe. Oh, I hope he left his joke of the day.
[rubbing his rashy butt up against a light switch, flickering the lights on and off] If Snaptrap could turn himself invisible, there's no telling what diabolically evil crimes he could commit.
I'm gonna use this invisibility helmet to get into the movies for free! [laughs manically]
[cockney accent] I don't mean to criticize, boss, but why not use the helmet for something a bit more villainous?
Yeah, like sneaking into Petropolis prison and releasing all the most evil inmates.
Ooh, Larry. You're getting a ghostly wedgie!
Stop it, Snaptrap, I can totally see you.
Oh, really? [drops Larry in the shark pit]
Agents Katswell and snack bowl, Snaptrap is at the movie theater. If you act fast, you can… [stutters] confiscate the invisibility helmet.
And tell him to put back the joke of the day.
What's this, visible losers? I'm gonna sneak into the theater and I'm totally not paying.
TSTicket Salesman
Your totally paying for the floating head. [Ollie sighs and gives him some money]
Guys? I have new intel. But first, (Agent Puppy,) I want to show my brother-in-law that… [stutters] silly cone you're wearing. [His brother-in-law: Stan, appears next to him] Check it out, Stan. Was I right? [he and Stan both laugh at Dudley's cone] Anyway, we just learned Snaptrap's… [stutters] heading to the water park.
What's he up to?
KKewswick
[shrugs] How should I know? You're the secret agents. Keswick out. No, wait. Stan wants to see the cone again.
Now, I'm gonna use my helmet to commit my most diabolical plan yet. It's completely original in every way. I'm gonna release the most evil inmates from Petropolis prison.
That was Francisco's idea.
Oh, then I guess putting you back in the shark tank was Francisco's idea, too.
You go ahead, Kitty. I've messed up enough today. With this cone, I'm useless to everyone... except these little birds. [more birds land on Dudley's cone]
I'd argue with you, Dudley, but you did chain me to a concessions lady and blow me up with a torpedo. [jumps and heads inside the prison]
Will you scratch my butt, little bird?
Activate your helmets, my barnyard army of D.O.O.M.! Okay, nothing to be ashamed of. I made the same mistake. Turn the dial a notch to the right. Now, attack Agent Katswell!
Not for long. [sniffing where Snaptrap is] I smell a rat.
[sarcastically] Oh, that's super original. Like I haven't heard that one before.
Looks like we're roomies. By the way, why do they call you crazy horse? Cause you pay full price for movies?
CHCrazy Horse
Nope. Just chainsaws. [neighs as he takes out his chainsaw]
Get away from my mom, Snaptrap! [tackles Snaptrap on the floor]
Dudley, what are you doing?!
I'm saving you from an evil supervillain, who was just about to… [notices a plate of eggrolls on the table] Share your delicious microwave eggrolls with you? [scarfs the eggrolls and stops] What's going on here?!
I invited Mr. Snaptrap over for some refreshments. We met at the laundromat.
[answering the phone] Diabolical Order of Mayhem. We deliver evil in 30 minutes or it's free.
Hey, it's Snaptrap. I've fallen in love with a lady dog at the laundromat, and I'm resigning as the leader of D.O.O.M. Tell Larry I'll miss him least of all. Snaptrap out… forever. [hangs up]
Hey, everyone. Snaptrap quit! Dibs on his stuff!
That was hard. They were devastated.
Are you guys mad about the money thing? Please don't be mad. I couldn't take it if you're mad.
DKDudley and Kitty
[snapping in annoyance] WE'RE NOT MAD!
Oh, boy, that's a relief. I'm not calling you liars, which sounded a little mad.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.