Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[holding her umbrella-gun to Aunt Harriet's head] Batman! Stop or I blow the lady's brains out! Batman!
[Alfred pops out of the giant pie and tries to wrestle the gun out of Chickadee's hands. Harriet smashes a vase on Chickadee's head, knocking her out]
Well hit, madam!
[Harriet faints]
I guess you can never trust a woman.
You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into.
[to Robin] When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species.
[Batman and Robin are untying each other after escaping the echo chamber]
Wow! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!
What?!!
I said, WOW! I THINK I'LL BE HARD OF HEARING FOR A WHILE!
You'll have to speak louder, Robin! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!
Shall I steal your voice or end your life?
Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.
There's something in the wind, Caped Crusaders.
Holy Graf Zeppelin, an aerial balloon.
And here's another little surprise for you. You see this altimeter? When you reach 20,000 feet, an automatic mechanism will release the basket from the balloon, and you both will reaffirm Newton's law of universal gravitation - back down 20,000 feet!
I'll bet even Shakespeare didn't have words for such villainy!
Glider, Blimpy.
[to Batman and Robin, who are in Puzzler's hot-air balloon trap] Hey, you guys want some gum?
Really, Ramjet!
That's what they give you in the airlines before you take off.
No, thank you.
Litter bug.
Now, for the launching, give me the dagger. This is the unkindest cut of all. Farewell, Dynamic Duo. Bon voyage, happy landings. Adieu, adieu, remember me.
Ho Ho Ho!!!
Say hi to those 8 tiny reindeer for us.
I will!!
Merry Christmas Santa.
Merry Christmas everybody Ho Ho Ho!!!!
If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?
[After arriving back at the Batcave]
That was a quick trip!
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer.
1) A Policewoman's vanished. 2) Catwoman and Sandman are apparently in cahoots. 3) A girl was abducted from a store window. 4) She turned up on television, and 5) She disappeared. You're right, Batman. It's nothing.
Of course. As Commissioner Gordon says, it all could be building up to something. Let's try putting ourselves in Sandman's shoes. What would he be after?
Money! Isn't that what we've always heard?
Exactly, old chum. And into whose eyes would he sprinkle his sand to get that money?
Someone very rich.
And very likely, someone who has trouble sleeping. Oh — why the pointed plug on television for "Dr. Somnambula"?
Holy alter ego! You think Sandman and Dr. Somnambula are one and the same?
I do, Robin! And I also think that ersatz "Sleeping Beauty" is... Catwoman. And it's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink our hapless, sleepless money bags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?
Well, there was Olaf the Sad, of Norway.
He's been dead for 800 years.
And that famous Chinese historian, Fo Hap Chung!
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Born with no eyelids.
How about the French empress, whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?
Poor creature. No! No, it must be someone here in Gotham City, right now. Let's give the Batcomputer a crack at it.
[They go to the terminal and enter it in. Suddenly, a clump of pink strings start oozing out of the punchcard slot.]
Batman, LOOK! What skinny macaroni!
No... It's spaghetti, Robin. A variety of alimentary paste; larger than vermicelli, but not as tubular as mac— [Bell dings] That's it. Spaghetti! J. PAULINE SPAGHETTI! One of the richest women in the world, who made a fortune in noodles — and who searched the world over for a solution to her sleeping problems.
Is that the J. Pauline Spaghetti who owns the J. Pauline Spaghetti Hotel?
One and the same. And she's right here, at that hotel, in Gotham City, now! There isn't a second to waste, Robin! [they race back to the Batmobile.]
It's naptime for both of you!
To the medical eye such childish claptrap means just one thing, young man: You need some sleep.
This phase of my career will never be over, until I have The Caped Crusader's cowl safely in my custody!
Who made Batman and Robin famous crime fighters? Criminals, that's who. If you want to show a little respect to the departed, stay crooked! That's the least you can do.
Right now, Robin and I are off to nail Mad Hatter.
The Mad Hatter? At a time like this? Who cares about that pipsqueak's inconsequential crimes?
Any crime, no matter how large or small, Commissioner Gordon, is a violation of a public right and common law, and the criminal or criminals committing such an offense must be apprehended, for the sake of all human morality.
Oh, The caped crusaders don't know what's in store for them. At long last, I'll have them out of my way permanently.
That's a long time, Joker.
The proceeds from my zodiac crimes will give me what I've always wanted. Complete control of Gotham City. Oh, yes. The caped crusaders are now solidly star-crossed. Venus. Venus, will you stop bouncing?
Your orders, Joker. A larcenous mind in a limber body. we must stay trim.
No.
Batman's no fool.
He's no match for me with the stars as my guide. Oh, get the door, Mercury.
Freight shipment. Collect. Two thousand four hundred fifty dollars.
What?
Just pay him, Mercury. Quick, give me a hand with this. Ha-ha-ha! Careful now. Careful.
What's inside, Joker? $2000 is a lot of money!
Ah, this merchandise is WORTH $2000!
[Penguin pops out of the box.]
It's worth $200,000, you cheapskate! At least you could have sent me a plane ticket!
We had to get you into Gotham City without anyone knowing about it, Pengy. Especially Batman.
You better have something good cooked up for that caped creep.
Oh, don't you worry, Pengy. The pot's being put on the fire right now, and Batman's in it.
Oh, you are a man after my own heart, Joker.
Black, eh?
Black as pitch.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
