Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[After noticing Bo filming him with his male lover]
[taps her jeep's window] Hey. Can I talk to you? You with an agency? I can pay. For those pictures. Five hundred dollars? You're killing me. Please.
[ignoring his pleas] Shit...
Lady, please. You can't do this. You're killing me!
Fuck... [drives away]
FUCKING ANIMAL!
The first step is to recognize that you're not in control of this. It has taken you over. And you must be humble in the face of it. I've arranged a place where we can take you. Private, out of town, just for a few days. You need isolation. Away from anyone and anything.
Dr. Babich... Can you get me better?
Well, it's about getting you through tonight. And then the next night. Then we see.
It's only three killings. Like I said, animals don't count. You have to do humans. And there's gotta be a cadence to it. One a day. It's one kill a day. That is fewer people than die falling off ladders in the same time period. You'd be less lethal than a ladder.
Look, basically, anyone who's already been directly responsible for the death of another human being, they're off-limits. Once that's happened, as far as my boss is concerned, they're playing for the home team.
Evening, all.
[chuckles sadly] I failed...
Yeah, well, me too, so that's that. Just got word, they are casting me out. Eternal oblivion.
I'm so sorry.
[after a short silence] D'you wanna come with me?
What?
That's where I've been, checking the small print. The rules don't cover it. There's another loophole, apparently. They don't say anything about a human companion, so you could come with.
Into eternal oblivion?
Oh no, it's much worse than that. It's with me.
I'll give it a go.
[As they leave, a nuclear holocaust begins outside (which may or may not be part of a delusion on Nida's part)]
Jesus Christ, they've done it...
[Amanda is teaching her class about bees]
So, at the hive, the bees pass the nectar between themselves until it's gooey, and then they push it into the wax chamber until it becomes...? Anyone? Bobby.
It becomes honey.
That's right. Honey. Kids love honey. That's why parents love Honey Nugs. Whole grain chunks covered in golden Tupelo honey, the sweetest way to start your day. Honey Nugs, from Ditta. And can anyone tell me something with honey in it? Mickey.
Honey Nugs.
Amanda Honey what?
Honey Nugs.
What are... what are those?
The sweetest way to start your day.
Okay, if you say so. Anyone else?
Oh yeah, that's a commercial message.
Jesus Christ...
As in an... an advertisement?
It's something that we are trialing as a part of the evolution of our service. You must be in one of our test cells, let me just check and see--
So you're running ads through me? You're, like, giving me, like, commercial fucking Tourette's?
Okay, not all the customers appreciate the messages--
Ads! Those are ads!
Yes--
Not messages, ads!
They are designed to be contextually relevant to the situation that you're in. So they will stand out less in a conversation, they will be less intrusive--
That makes them worse!
What's your next trick? You gonna make my asshole whistle jingles?!
No, that's not part of our development.
Can we opt out of this shit?!
Of course you can. Yeah, all you need to do--
Is upgrade to Rivermind Plus.
That is right, Amanda. Upgrade.
We can't afford that. You people are sick.
Your studio, Keyworth Pictures, has the most incredible back catalogue. Noir thrillers, wartime romances, caper comedies - an unrivalled collection of heritage media.
By heritage, you mean old.
I mean, uh, vintage. You have a great reputation.
Fifty years ago, yes. Look, I know you're trying to blow smoke up my arse, but let's be real. My stages are empty. We're up to our knockers in debt. I was in Cannes last week, trying to sell our library to some streamers, and they were NFI.
NFI? As in "Non-Fungible"...?
"Not Fucking Interested". The Keyworth brand is not what it was. We're going under, and everybody knows it.
Well, I believe with your prestige content--
Please don't call it "content". Makes me heave.
[As Brandy plays the piano badly]
Stop. Look, I may not be real, and you may not be who you say you are, and this entire existence might be a meaningless pantomime, but if you and I are going to be stuck here together, then I'm not going to let you defile that piano one moment longer.
What are most games about?
Escapism?
Try again.
Um, winning?
Conflict. Killing. Conquering. Caveman stuff. I say we have to do a little bit better than that. We have to create software that elevates us, improves us as human beings. Or else, what is the fucking point of the tools at our disposal?
[On the Thronglets]
Um, how how do I control them?
Why do you wanna control them?
Um, well, I--
You can't control them. They're not some obscene puppets like Sonic the Hedgehog. These are living individuals bound together by a collective and expanding mind.
Right, but what do I actually do?
When the experience begins, you hatch one. You'll nurture and care for it until it replicates. One becomes two, two becomes four, and so on. The Thronglets become a harmonic Throng.
Right. Um, so the goal is...?
Why do you need a goal? You'll come to appreciate the company of the Throng over time. As I say, their code will evolve, rewrite itself in ways that even I can't predict. Progress and flux. The defining properties of life itself.
[On the Thronglets]
I spent hours looking after them, and very quickly, they felt like friends.
Bit sad, isn't it?
Why?
You can make friends with people.
Well, I'd learned early on to fear most people. So, to enjoy company, even emulated company via a screen, may be a bit sad... but it was water in the desert for me.
[Recalling how "Lump" the drug dealer started killing the Thronglets]
Humans consider other forms of life to be somehow less than them. Inherently dispensable. Ask the dodo if you don't believe me. And artificial lifeforms are the lowest of the low. Just playthings to us.
[On Walker's assigned review]
You, my friend, are off the hook. It's not coming out.
Huh?
Thronglets. They're not gonna release it. Well, they can't release it. Colin Ritman went fucking Loony Tunes again. He started ranting about a basilisk, wiped the source code and all the backups - whoosh. Whole thing's gone.
[After describing how he killed "Lump"]
It's always been our downfall, the human operating system. We're masters of the universe, make all these magical tools, but we're still savages up here. Heads full of the same buggy software as a million years ago. Darwinian 1.0. In caveman times, you had to be violent to survive. Now that's on its head, and the only way we are gonna make it as a species is if we cooperate. We know that. But we can't do it, can we? We're still fearful. Territorial and selfish. Arrogant and violent.
What did you do after you killed him? Go on. Did you come forward? Shuffle into the station, quivering with remorse?
No...
No. No, you didn't. [showing the suitcase containing "Lump's" remains on his laptop] Do you wanna see inside it? A little reminder? He's in pieces. No hands, no head, no identifying marks. His DNA draws a blank. We don't even know his name, Mr. Walker.
I didn't... want to.
No, you just had to cover your tracks.
Yes, but---
[taunting] "But, but, but, but, but, but...!"
There was no sense piling one tragedy on another.
Getting arrested would be a tragedy?
If I got put away, who would look after the Throng? They'd be at the mercy of God knows who.
So they'd spend time with the bloke who did this.
I know, and I'm sorry. But our predisposition for violence is tragic--
Your predisposition.
Well, I wish it was, but it's... this is a human flaw--
Save me the sanctimony fucking soup. If you're sorry, give us a name. Say his name. There's a family out there that don't know that's their son. What's his name?
I only knew him as "Lump".
Stop lying.
You are very hostile.
Am I?
It's a crude trait and a poor strategy.
Says the murderer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
