[As his game build is deleted around him, leaving his virtual self trapped while his real body dies]
DDaly
[repeatedly, hysterically] EXIT FUCKING GAME!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
CCole
Oh, man, are we glad to hear from-
GGamer691
Yeah, Merry Christmas. So are we gonna blow each other or are we gonna trade?
CCole
Oh Hmm.
GGamer691
Hello? Do you have anything to trade at all?
NNanette
No, uh -
GGamer691
[sighs] So why did you respond? OK, just get the hell out of my quadrant or I'll blast you to shit. You've got ten seconds. Ten...
CCole
Oh, well, do try. We'll photon-bolt you up the perineum, you stupid little boy.
GGamer691
Scary... Nine...
FFrank
Well I learned what it's like to co-habit with someone I despise, is that useful for the system?
CCoach
Everything happens for a reason.
[After Rolo Haynes persuades Dr. Peter Dawson to have a neural implant installed]
MMadge
There's something kinda kinky about it. It's like the ultimate piercing.
[About Dawson's sadomasochism as a result of the neural implant Haynes gave him]
See, it's like eating chilies. You acclimatize fast. First time you had a jalapeno, bet you spat it out, too hot. But persevere and it becomes addictive. Soon, a jalapeno's not enough. You work your way up: red-hot chilies, bird's-eye chilies, till you get to them Scotch bonnet devils. Dawson's craving was just the same. Before you know it, he's hanging around the ER just waiting for a juicy accident victim to latch onto. All he can think about is that next hit gnawing away up there. "Give it back to me! Give it back! I gotta have it back!"
[Dawson is shown engaging in self-mutilation]
Dawson was home alone 24/7, climbing the walls. Withdrawal, I guess. He didn't have patients to leech pain off anymore. So he started inflicting it... on himself. Spent a week just whittling away at himself. Cut here, a gouge there. I mean, the guy was a doctor. He knew how far he could go without it getting fatal. But it was never enough. None of it was enough. When he worked on himself, there was a crucial ingredient missing: fear. The amygdala - little almond-shaped nubbin in your brain. When you're afraid, it lights up like a midnight airstrike, sharpens the senses. The fear the patient feels when they're staring up at that ceiling light, the fear accompanying each sudden jab of agony - he'd come to appreciate that, too. It went with the pain. Complemented it, like red wine and steak. You can inflict pain on yourself, but not terror. For that... you need a volunteer.
[Dawson forces a homeless man into the hairnet device and murders him with a drill, feeling the sensations through his implant as a police car drives up]
Dawson was practically coming when they found him. He'd enjoyed one big old speedball of fear and pain and death.
Tell me they put him in jail.
In the hospital. He wound up in a vegetative state.
Good.
Still there, to this day. In a coma, deep as the ocean. But the thing of it is, they say he still has that look on his face. Blissed out. Still riding that high.
[Dawson is shown lying in a hospital bed, with a huge erection under the bedsheets]
You're fucking with me, right? [scoffs]
Okay, I added the boner. I couldn't resist. Fun story, huh?
Yep, fun story.
[After Haynes convinces Jack to have his dead wife Carrie's consciousness implanted in his brain, she becomes jealous about him being attracted to other women]
CCarrie
So now we're just openly checking out women's racks? And don't say you weren't, because I can feel the fucking boner forming, okay? And he checks her ass too as she leaves, holy fuck.
JJack
[annoyed] So I checked her out. What? I'm horny as fuck, haven't jerked off in, like, a month.
CCarrie
Well, I'm not stopping you.
JJack
You're looking over my shoulder, but from the inside. It's like trying to jerk off in front of a cop who's also your mom.
CCarrie
Fuck you!
Having a backseat driver glued into the back seat ain't no fun for anyone in the car. No privacy for him, no agency for her.
It'd drive you mental.
[with a hint of glee] Exactly!
[After Jack and his new girlfriend Emily have Carrie's mind placed into a toy monkey which only lets her communicate with two phrases]
EEmily
Monkey just needs a minute to get used to how things are gonna be.
[Carrie sobs inside the monkey as Emily carries it away from Parker and slams it against a wall]
EEmily
Now listen, you fucking bitch. We can still have you wiped. That what you want? [silence] Do "monkey needs a hug" for no.
CMCarrie/Monkey
Monkey needs a hug.
EEmily
Are you gonna be a good toy? [silence] Are you gonna be a good toy?!
CMCarrie/Monkey
Monkey loves you.
EEmily
You'd better.
[narrating] Anyhow, in the end, Parker got tired of his new toy. But that's kids. They're ingrates.
[Parker is shown dropping and forgetting about the monkey]
CMCarrie/Monkey
Monkey needs a hug.
[Cut back to Haynes and Nish in the museum]
Whoa... Wait, so this is a crime museum. Where's the crime in this?
Well, the monkey is the crime. See, a couple of years back, the UN made it illegal to transfer human consciousnesses into limited formats like this. Gotta be able to express at least five emotions for it to be humane, apparently. [chuckles] Human rights for cookies! Right, Carrie?
CMCarrie/Monkey
Monkey needs a hug.
[shocked] She's still in there?
[nonchalantly] It'd be illegal to delete her too, so yeah. [chuckles] Go figure. Anyhow, ACLU raised one heck of a stink, and so thanks to this son of a monkey, I was out on my ass from TCKR. Not even a severance package. It's why I started this place. Had to branch out somehow, and it appealed to the carny in me, I guess.
CMCarrie/Monkey
Monkey needs a hug.
[After recounting how Haynes convinced Clayton Leigh to have his mind digitally preserved as he faced execution for alleged murder]
But he never did get that pardon.
Shit, no! 'Cause he was guilty!
But wasn't there some doubt? You know, that documentary?
Fake news! Hatchet job!
What about the DNA tampering?
Seriously? There's no doubt about it! The day he got the chair was a great day for justice. Clayton couldn't complain. I mean, he was gonna be a pioneer. I was gonna slurp up his entire consciousness. He'd be the first guy on death row to survive his own execution.
[After Nish reveals herself to be Clayton's daughter, and to have poisoned Haynes with the water she offered him]
Is it hot? It's humid, right? I'm sorry. Easy to hack. "Never accept drinks from strangers." [places a mind-transferring device on Haynes' face] My daddy taught me that. Going by the colour of your lips, you're gonna be gone in thirty seconds. Hey, don't worry. We're gonna see you on the other side...
[Upon learning that his hostage, Jaden Tommins, is merely an intern at Smithereen]
CGChris Gillhaney
MODERN FUCKING COMPANIES! EVERYONE LOOKS SO FUCKING YOUNG! How is anybody looking in supposed to have a sense of the... fucking hierarchy?! Jesus Christ! Half of you cunts coming out of that building are dressed like fucking gap year students! I mean, what...?! FUCK! Children! The whole Smithereen building is a box full of fucking children getting their fingers everywhere! [makes beeps and mimics wiping a phone] Wiping your shit, your fucking app shit up everybody's phone! Everywhere you look, people are hooked on the things! It's like... it's like chain-smoking! Did you make a lot of cash out of that, did you?! And you lot are hooked on them as well! Every single person that comes out of that building is like... [mimics using phone again] People don't even look up anymore! The sky could turn fucking purple and you cunts wouldn't notice for a month! You didn't look up, and look where that got you! Sitting in the back like that! [after a moment's silence] An intern! WHY DIDN'T YOU DRESS LIKE A FUCKING INTERN?! JESUS!
GET THIS FUCKING CABLE OUT OF MY ASS! Holy shit, it's like a wire anchor in my butthole!
Can you drive this thing?
JJack
I think so.
You think so?
JJack
Hey, "I can do anything if I just believe in myself!"
Oh yeah? Well, I wanna believe that we'll arrive in one fucking piece!
JJack
Ashley, go to sleep.
Yeah, that's not gonna work anymore, 'kay?
JJack
Shit.
Why is that thing talking like that? All real?
They broke the limiter, so I'm you. Your whole brain, I'm all of you.
RRachel
I can't believe there's two of you!
That thing isn't all of me. I'm all of me.
Really? Senior high, I had, like, a major crush on Ryan Simmons, but he was just not interested, so I made out with his little brother Stevie, even though his braces scratched my teeth, and-- Oh, actually, Stevie was the first guy I ever--
You have to shut up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.