[getting pelted with giant potato chips] Lime and vinegar?! Who eats those?!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
What's wrong with beauty pageants?
Other than the fact that they turn girls into shallow doormats and boys into drooling idiots? Everything.
But it's got a swimsuit competition!
DDora
Our princess must appeal to the masses, so she shall be chosen by a common boy. Someone average and bland. [as she passes Dash, Kwan, and Mikey, respectively] Too popular... too athletic... too nerdy... [to Tucker] Too-
Handsome? Smart? In-telligent?
DDora
Annoying.
[to Danny] I baked some cookies for you.
SStar
I did your math homework.
Now, ladies. You can't influence the judge with cookies and - [sees the papers Star is holding] Whoa! Is this homework done all the way through next semester?
SStar
Mm-hmm.
This pleases me. [Dash grabs him and holds him in the air]
Hey, Fen-toid! It's only been two hours and I'm already tired of you hogging all the hotties! [Danny snaps his fingers, Paulina kicks Dash, making him drop Danny] Ow! Aah!
CACrowd of angry girls
Get him! [Girls chase Dash away]
LLancer
[singing] A happy princess is sweet and pure, with hair of gold and teeth of white. Her soft complexion is pure perfection with never a pimple in sight. [stops singing] [points at girl behind him] Except for her!
Oh, Ms. Mattingly? I didn't hear you.
DDora
You'd be surprised how dainty your footsteps can be WHEN YOU DON'T WEAR COMBAT BOOTS!
Hi, my name's Sam Manson and my happy princess talent is... goth haiku. Despair without end! [whispers to Danny] Dora's a ghost! Utter blackness, nothingness. [whispers again] Dora's a ghost! [loudly] Dora is a ghost!
So that's your big statement? Dora's a ghost? I mean, what does that have to do with... wait, Dora is a ghost!
[with Tucker's campaign] You're just going about this the wrong way, Tucker.
Yeah, your campaign is all about victory through technology and the triumph of machine over man. It's kinda creepy.
So we changed your lame official campaign platform. [hands Tucker a list with the new ideas]
[reading] Graffiti art classes? Rage against the PTA meetings? Mini-skirt Fridays? Okay, that's good.
Yeah, that was mine.
[Paulina & Star are served to scrub Pharaoh Tucker's feet]
Henceforth, all in the realm shall eat nothing but meat, and all citizens must wear red berrets. [to the girls] Including you, handmaidens.
SStar
[whispering to Paulina] He's clearly under a spell.
[seething to Star] I don't care if he's under some spell. He dies for this! [snapping at Tucker] Haven't you heard of nail clippers?!
AAnubis
Any other edicts, my King?
Yes. Mini skirt Fridays. It's a good idea whose time has come.
AAnubis
What shall I do about these ridiculous laws?
HRHotep Ra
Oh, implement them. Let the child have his moment of glory. Once the Sphinx is completed and I have the scepter, this realm shall be mine!
[Jack and Maddie see Vlad, Sam, and Tucker's ecto-acne]
There's only one place that treats ecto-acne!
[hopefully] Please say hospital, please say hospital... [scene shifts to FentonWorks in quarantine, disappointed] Why didn't she just say hospital?
MMMaddie Masters
You despicable, lying piece of...cheese! I've wasted the best years of my life with you!
VMVlad Masters
Now, Maddie, I may be a lying piece of cheese, but I'm still your husband.
MMMaddie Masters
[grabs Vlad and lifts him up] Then consider this an annulment! [throws him into the Ghost Zone; ghosts begin to surround him]
Oh, hello. Did I mention how much I love ghosts? [ghosts close in on him, and he screams] No!
I knew you'd come through, Daniel. All it took was the proper motivation. Of course, I'm still weak beyond measure, so... bygones?
[Danny grins mischievously at him, next scene shows Vlad screaming as Danny knocks him into the air]
[casually] Bygones.
[after Vlad attacks him numerous times] Aren't you at least gonna make some stupid crack about my father? Or a lame come-on about my mom?
No, dear boy. "Funny Joke Around Vlad" isn't here today! [attacks him again]
You've been spying on me?! Okay, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You really are one seriously crazed-up fruitloop.
A fruitloop would not have been able to make his first million with a series of invisible burglaries! A fruitloop would never have thought to overshadow enough millionaires to become one of the richest men on the planet! I! AM! NOT! A! FRUIT! LOOP! And I am not a villain. All I ever wanted...was love.
[sarcastic] Oh, yeah, nothing loopy about that.
[After Danny and Dani leave the destroyed cafeteria to chase the third ghost clone, leaving Sam and Tucker behind]
BBoth
Three, two, one.
[barges in and sees the ruined cafeteria] To Kill a Mockingbird, people! Who started this?
[Dash points at Sam and Tucker as they once again take the blame]
BBoth
We'll get the mop.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.