“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

I can't believe we're stuck in this motel for another night! Nothing exciting has ever happened in a D.C. hotel!

Didn't Marion Barry get caught smoking crack at a D.C. hotel?

Okay, yeah, but besides that.

Didn't Reagan get shot at a D.C. hotel?

Besides that.

Watergate happened at a hotel, I know that.

I know, I know.

And didn't Eliot Spitzer--

[cutting him off] Okay, whatever! The point is we need to go out and find a party.

Hey, guys, I got the idea. We need to go out to find a party!

Federline

Yo, Oliver's right. There are so many bummed spots out there where I can get the crowd jumpin' with my demo! There's a fat beat on top of it, I'm going like [beatboxing], then I'd do, "Federline! Federline! JOONES!" It's hot, y'all. Peace.

"You freak it you buy it." [pointing to the Christmas tree]

Donna

It's like my great grandmother used to say, "A lie is just an upside down truth."

What?! [to self] Can I trust Donna?

"Fred Peterson raped old ladies?!"

Rallo

Dear Santa: [clears throat] Fuck you and fuck Christmas.

Blood on the tracks in Holidaytown where for 68 passengers, a routine train ride to Gum Drop Village instead took a detour to Gum Drop country morgue. And now over to Dirk with sports.

Better make that 2 massacres today. The Holidaytown Celebrators were shut out eight to nothing. A bad day indeed for pretend, cake figurine baseball.

Hey Junior, watch are you watching? The Cleveland Show?

What are you doing up there?

Larry the Leopard told me to climb the bookcase.

Fourteen. You're fourteen! Now, get down here. I got something I want you to have.

Wow, number 9? I thought when you left, they retired it for good.

I'm Brett Favre-ing it, except I'm not being a public jagoff about it.

I've never been friends with a girl before. Is it true you guys clap your breasts together, like a seal?

No!

Thanks a lot, Wikipedia.

You know, I used to be quite doable myself.

So what happened?

I turned 30.

Lester

I got bit by the inventing bug myself. Among other bugs. And crabs.

Rallo

You'd be amazed how many people on the internet wanna meet a five-year-old boy!

What the hell kind of comedy high school are you going to, anyway?