Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
How long you had the dog now, Jay?
Eight years.
And has he always watched you tug one off?
No! I wasn’t wanking when I was 10, was I?!
I thought you got laid when you was nine? With that fit babysitter?
…Erm…yeah, and that’s WHY I wasn’t wanking so much.
(after a squirrel refuses to dodge Jay’s car) You’ve just lost a game of chicken with a rodent!
Oh, that’s so funny! He’s mugging you off, mate!
Right, we’ll see about that!
Oh god.
Oh, why did you do that for?!
That’ll show him! Fucking little piss taker.
I don’t think he was trying to take the piss, Jay!
Let’s go get a spade, we’ll bury it.
Nah, fuck him!
(Mournfully) His eyes look sad.
(voiceover) So in Neil and Jay’s course of destruction, the death toll stood at ten destroyed daffodils and one piss-taking squirrel.
(after witnessing his garden’s daffodils being destroyed by the other boys) What are you going to do next? Tag up my bedroom?! Piss through my letterbox?!
Can we?
No! Right! We’re going out again! Come on!
Okay, I’d assumed it was a given, but I’ll make this clear just in case: No one is to shit in my back garden!!!
(kicks the door into Mrs. Springett’s face) Fucking Mrs. Springett!
(to his parents) Brilliant(!) You’ve effectively ended my life. Why not go the whole hog and just shoot me? Or better still, why don’t you take me to the vets and have me secretly put down, just like you did with Patch?!
What is Swansea, is it an animal?
Teachers don’t start each day by swearing allegiance to the Education Fairies under a portrait of The Queen. It’s not so much a calling as a graveyard for the unlucky and the unambitious. Between you and me, the only reason anyone teaches these days is that they’ve taken a more relaxed stance on police checks in recent years.
They say the art of teaching is aiding discovery. And Mr. Gilbert had helped me discover that he was a wanker.
(about the dinner lady) That stupid ugly bitch just ruined it for me with Carli!!
Why, has she been controlling your personality for the last eighteen years?
I knocked out a cow in the countryside once, one punch to the face.
Hmmm, course you did.
But then its mate saw what was going on and I had to scarper from a whole group of them. Managed to get off the gate, but then they stood up on their hind legs and started firing milk at me from their tits!
Udders.
Yeah, there were loads of them!
What’s an itinerary?
It’s Will’s way of taking the fun out of everything.
(after discovering Jay has brought some condoms) We’re camping by a lake near a river. What are you hoping to pull, a fish or an owl?
Look, all those country birds love a bit of big city cock.
You're not from the big city!
Anywhere with a train station and a Morrison’s counts as a city to them!
(voiceover) So Simon’s shitty yellow Fiat was gone forever. On the bright side, at least Jay beat me at Monopoly.
(after reading his text from 'Saucy ASDA Karen') I got an STD! Yes, an STD! Whoo!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
