Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Oh piss off!
What? Don’t talk to me like that in my own house!
Oh sorry, my manners(!) Piss off, PLEASE!!!
I’ve had enough of your lip!
Oh you’d like my lip wouldn’t you? Right round your bell end! If Mr Chippy doesn’t get there first! What’s he gonna knock up? A closet for you to hide in? You bumder!
Well, you’ve had quite a day off. You’ve lied to your mothers, bought alcohol illegally, abused Neil’s dad, stole my suit, defaced the pavement outside Carli’s! Am I missing anything?
We also hit a spastic (simmo) with a Erisbee.
(voiceover) So it looked like it might be quite some time before we were picking up girls in the car.
(to Neil) I suppose your dad needs the money.
He doesn’t, actually.
Rent boys don’t come cheap.
Oi, my dad’s not bent.
Then why is he paying for rent boys?
He’s not.
What, they’re freebies?
This is perfect. Simon passes his test, drives us to Thorpe Park, Neil gets us freebies, and I get to ride -
A man’s cock in the bushes?
The Nemesis Inferno!
(voiceover) Despite our excitement, we knew it would take a miracle for Simon to pass his test. But miracles often comes in unlikely packages.
(voiceover) Simon never did tell us what happened on his driving test.
(voiceover) So we had a car. It was a shit car, but it was still a car. All we needed now was some girls.
(to Simon, about a group of girls in a car up ahead) Si, we’re losing them!
You make it sound as if we’re about to attack them.
I’ve just seen the clunge head towards Nemesis.
Well sounds like they are thrill seekers too.
I hope they are cock seekers too!
Room for one more at the front.
Sorry?
One more. At the front.
How can there possibly be room for only one more at the front?
Well there’s three people on the front, so there’s a spare seat there-
Let’s just rewind a bit, shall we? Why are there now three people at the front?
Sir, if you could just get on-
(getting more and more angry) They’ve pushed in! We’ve been queueing for over an hour specifically for the front, and they’ve pushed in?
Sir-
Get them off! Get them off and make them move! Fucking pushing in!
(Aware of the scene now being created) Will, it doesn’t matter. We’ll sit at the back.
Sir, if you could just-
Are they so dumb they think it’s okay to push in? Make them move!
Shut up, you plum, and get on the ride.
Sir, it’s the last ride of the day, please get on.
Will, honestly, it doesn’t matter, just get on.
Fine, fucking fine! I’ll just…I’ll just get on. I’ll just get on, and sit at the front (he sits at the front and straps himself in) next to these inconsiderate arseholes.
I’m the worst human being in the world.
(voiceover) When I look back on my life, I’m pretty sure that ride will be a low point. But with a bit of luck, the others wouldn’t find out who I’d insulted…
They were on the front? Oh no, Will, no…
(laughing) Oh my god.
Oh Will.
Oh my God.
Don’t!
(trying not to laugh) “Arseholes”
(killing himself laughing) This is the best.
You’re going to Hell.
Please don’t.
(voiceover) It’s true. Girls do like cars. They just don’t like shitty little yellow cars that ruin funerals and don’t have all the doors they were made with. Girls are also less keen on boys who wear Speedos, borderline sex pests and people who insult the disabled.
..Inconsiderate arseholes!
(voiceover) But it’s not all bad. What we learned today is there isn’t a car on the planet that can make us cool, whatever state it was in.
What? I’m telling you, all the birds I’ve shagged love that!
So, no birds love that, then.
Well, your mum loved it.
Brilliant.
It doesn’t matter ‘cause she’s not coming.
Who’s not coming?
Charlotte Hinchcliffe.
I’d make her come. All over my face!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
