SGShady Gnome
[trades two bags for a jar containing butterflies] Two bags of fairy dust, just like we agreed.
[checks bags] Where do you get this stuff?
SGShady Gnome
Everyone likes sausage, but no one likes to know how it’s made.
[takes off shades] You disgust me.
SGShady Gnome
You've got your poison, I've got mine. We made a deal.
Yeah, well, the deal is OFF!
[Several police officer gnomes spring out, aiming pinecones at the shady gnome]
PGPolice Officer Gnome
Freeze! You're under arrest! Get down! Get down!
SGShady Gnome
These butterflies aren't mine! I swear! I've been framed!
PGPolice Officer Gnome
Tell it to the adorable owl we've dressed as a judge! [to Grenda] My cut? [Grenda gives him one of the bags]
BUBlue Unicorn
Yo, C-beth, are you seriously pulling this "pure of heart" scam again?
RURed Unicorn
That is messed up, man.
RURed Unicorn
Kid, unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music! [horn lights up and plays music]
BUBlue Unicorn
Yeah, the whole "pure of heart" racket is just a line we use to get humans to leave us alone.
CCelestabellebethabelle
[awkwardly] Guys, shut up...
[enraged] All this time... all this time, I thought I was a bad person, but you're even worse than I am!
CCelestabellebethabelle
Okay, fine! So you learned our secret. We're jerks, okay? We have more hair than we know what to do with, and we keep it to ourselves just to tick humans off. What are you gonna do about it? Huh, huh? What are you gonna do?!
[Mabel punches her on the nose, making it leak rainbow-colored blood]
Bill! You lied to me! Where does that portal really lead?!
Hoho! Looks like Mr. Brainiac finally got smart. Let's just say that when that portal finishes charging up, your dimension is gonna learn how to party. Right, guys?
[Dark shapes cackle from inside the portal]
No! I'll stop you! I'll shut it down!
A deal's a deal, Sixer. You can't stop a bridge between our worlds from coming, but it would be fun to watch you try. Cute, even.
You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel.
Thanks, Grunkle Ford, but today I learned that morality is relative.
[runs past, grabbing a pile of gold] MONEY!
Kid, I gotta admit something. I'm no expert on women. Truth is, I've been divorced once, and slapped more times than I can remember. Confidence can buy you a lot, but at the end of the day, pickup artists tend to get our heads bitten off. When it comes to women, I'm a failure.
Hey, we're both failures.
[Stan's RV enters Gravity Falls. The kids cheer]
I still feel a little bad about wrecking those tourist traps.
Aw, come on! Everyone loves my pranks. And the best part is, I never have to face any consequen- SWEET LORD! [Stan stops the RV and sees the Mystery Shack already vandalised by the three tourist trap owners] AH, COME ON!
[closeup on graffiti: "Stan is a HACK!"; "Stan is a BUTT: Granny Sweetkins says eat it Pines!"; the Upside-Down Town boss rotates the gift shop sign upside-down as payback; the Corn Maze Worker breaks one headlight on Stan's RV with a baseball ball]
CMCorn Maze Worker
That's what you get! That's what you get!
I don't understand. I completely don't deserve this.
Oh, man, are we gonna have to help clean this up?
Nah, I'm sure Soos will take care of it. Where is Soos, anyway?
[post-credits scene: Soos is still stuck in the Corn Maze]
Okay, Soos, remember what your grandma taught you. When you get lost, stay exactly where you are, and don't move. [pause] Don't move. [another long pause] You know, I would make a really good scarecrow.
[At the Gravity Falls High School]
Wendy, what are you doing here?
Ugh, high school registration.
Ooh! You know, I'm only a year away from high school myself. Would you say your experience is more "rom-com", or "wacky romp"?
More like "teen horror movie". High school is the worst. Classes get super-hard, your body just flat out turns against you, and worst of all, everybody hates you!
TThompson
Can't do it! CAN'T DO ANOTHER YEAR!
My hormones are like a SWEATY CAGE!
Why aren't they singing about following their dreams? TV taught me that high school was like some sort of musical.
TV lied, man! If you can avoid growing up, do it! I'd give anything to be twelve again.
Hey, everything all right, pumpkin?
Just can't believe the summer's almost over. And now that I know how awful high school's going to be, I'm in no hurry to start that train wreck.
Ah, nobody likes gettin' older. But just because you're growing doesn't mean you have to grow up, you know? I mean, look at me. I'm pushin' 70 and I still eat ice cream for dinner!
But I don't wanna say goodbye to Gravity Falls.
Hey, at least whatever happens after this summer, you'll still have your brother along with you through thick and thin. Not everyone can say that, you know?
Tell me it's not true, Dipper. Tell me you were joking. [holds up the walkie-talkie, through which she heard Dipper and Ford's conversation] Ford's apprentice? Seriously?!
Look, I was thinking, and... this is a huge opportunity for me.
Well, it's a horrible opportunity for me! I had the worst day of my life! When we turn thirteen, summer ends and I have to leave everything behind. You're the only person I could count on, and now you're leaving me too?!
Look, I've been thinking about it. I won't be gone forever, okay? I'll still visit you at home, and we'll chat online. We'll make it work.
I don't want it to work! I just wish summer could last forever.
But it can't, Mabel. Look, things aren't gonna stay frozen this way. It's part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.
[Mabel glances at Dipper, pushes him away and runs off crying; she unknowingly grabs Dipper's backpack while running out]
Mabel, wait! I didn't mean it like that! Mabel, come back!
Look, maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a Time Bubble. It prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!
R-really? But how does it work?
I-I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle. [shows the rift] Something small; he won't even know it's missing.
Huh...Maybe Dipper has something like that in his nerd bag.
[Cut to Ford's lab]
Let me guess. Mabel didn't take it well?
I don't know, maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I need to think about this.
Dipper, right now we need to focus on the mission. Now come on, I've got the glue; hand me the rift and let's make history.
[Dipper reaches into his bag, but he takes out the birthday flyer instead of the rift]
[Cut back outside as Mabel takes out the rift]
Huh, that's...odd. Is this it?
Yes, that's it! Just hand it over and I'll do my thing...unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls?
Just a little more summer...[hands over the rift]
OOPS! [drops the rift and smashes it with his boot]
[Blendin cackles, taking off his goggles to show he is possessed by Bill Cipher]
Oh, no! Wait, wait, wait!
[Bill snaps his fingers, knocking Mabel out. Cackling, he emerges from Blendin's body]
At last! At long, long last! The gate between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesied has come to pass! The day has come! THE WORLD IS FINALLY MINE!
[As Bill Cipher towers over Gravity Falls and its citizens]
All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity.
[he melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest]
Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball. Kryptos. The being whose name must never be said. Haha, what the heck? It's Zanthar. Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]
Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!
Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
We don't like out-of-towners!
MDManly Dan
[ripping a mailbox in half] AND WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!
NMr. Northwest
I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
NMr. Northwest
Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.
Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?
[He clicks his fingers, and Mr. Northwest's face is suddenly grotesquely mixed up; he falls to the ground, giving out muffled screams as his family watches in horror; Bill cackles as people flee, and turns Deputy Durland to stone]
Durland! My precious Deputy Durland, no! [one of the "Eye-Bats" transports Durland away]
It's time we do a little redecorating! I could really use a castle of some kind! [causes a pyramid to form and float in the sky] And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS?! [summons colourful bubbles; one passes through Sprott, making him scream madly and rip his shirt apart] This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!
