I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!
Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge.
Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's Upper West Side rent-controlled ark.
[on the phone] I am so fucked.
What's wrong?
No, I mean, literally. I have been fucked every way you can be fucked.
If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna charge you by the minute.
Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
Can I quote you?
Oh, don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
I'm not a hole!
Honey, we know.
Look, all I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was... well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.
What are you talking about? I went to Smith!
Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy, and the right lubricant...
[Carrie, Miranda and Samantha start laughing when the cab hits a hole]
What was that?
MSMiranda and Samantha
A preview. [Carrie, Miranda and Samantha laugh]
We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?
Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Don't listen to the dime-store Camille Paglia.
[to Carrie, about her date with Big] I thought you were serious about this guy. You can't sleep with him on the first date.
Oh, God!
Here she goes again with "The Rules."
The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
Reality check: A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.
When have you ever been on a tenth date?
Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.
Plus, the sense of power is such a turn-on. Maybe you're on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls.
Now, you see, that is the reason that I don't wanna go down this road.
Oh, sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... just don't do it. Don't do it.
But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?
I don't.
Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head.
Me too.
RWRandom woman
Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection to another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.
Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the '90s.
What was the blow job of the '80s?
Anal sex.
[about the married man Samantha is having an affair with] He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know. They never do.
Thank God. Who needs the trouble? This is ideal. No muss, no fuss.
Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.
I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device.
You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit."
Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, at least get one called "The Horse."
A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. A vibrator doesn't send you flowers the next day. You cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother.
Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?
[voiceover] My Zen teacher once told me that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. Just as I had reached the moment of no thought...
[whispering] I think I broke my vagina.
Oh, sorry. Am I pulling too hard?
No, metaphorically, I mean. With the Rabbit.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.